2sunny Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Look closely. From everything you've written about her words - it sounds like she's still cheating - and doesn't care how YOU feel. She's not interested in repairing the damage SHE caused - she's just sorry she got caught! Cut off her money, credit cards and pack her bags and tell her to move immediately! I'd bet money she would decide to do anything you ask at that point! Stop making it so easy for her to treat you with such disrespect! Tell her to leave! 1
James-London Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I just reiterate my advice from earlier in this thread. HtotheN said a similar thing above also. It is obvious that she should get rid of the FB account if she is serious about you and keeping your family together. You should not believe what she says or ask her for proof. If you need the truth (and I would if I was you), you look online for ways to hack into her email and FB accounts. If she knows you are onto her she will easily set up a new account. There are also ways of retrieving deleted text messages providing they are stored on the SIM card etc. I do think you are in a bit of denial here. You need to take control of this situation and get to the truth on your own. This will be empowering for you. From the sounds of what Jonah says, being a weekend Dad is not all that bad. From my experience, I have had to learn to accept that the girl I loved did not really love me, despite what she said. She was too cowardly to leave me and our relationship was a fraud.... it has been REALLY hard to accept that, not least because she keeps telling me she loves me and wants forgiveness. Words mean NOTHING in this situation, its all about the actions now. 1
beatcuff Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 OP, i am coming late to this thread --- i think you are wrong to a point. why did you decide to reconcile? the affair ended 3 years ago. you accepted her back. she compiled with your demands (or you would not still be together). at some point a person would expect some level of 'normalcy'. that is the push back you are now getting. and while several posters have said --- get rid of FB. fine but why stop there: why not the computer (used it to access FB), and the cellphone (calls, texts, emails) and the car (used it to get to the locations). sounds stupid, i agree, but for some FB (especially younger people) is just as important as those items. you can only keep beating a person up until THEY have had enough. you wanted this to work. so what to do? you took her back for a reason. revisit and decide whether it still works for you. time for a serious discussion with your wife. express the why and the what. let her rebut. then come to an agreement on what is acceptable. its been 3 years do not dictate, you want her to own the agreement. then any future arguements should be about how she failed to follow the agreement (not the contents). otherwise put the foot down, yell, take away whatever --- and wind up where you did not want to be --- D.
drifter777 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 OP, i am coming late to this thread --- i think you are wrong to a point. why did you decide to reconcile? the affair ended 3 years ago. you accepted her back. she compiled with your demands (or you would not still be together). at some point a person would expect some level of 'normalcy'. that is the push back you are now getting. and while several posters have said --- get rid of FB. fine but why stop there: why not the computer (used it to access FB), and the cellphone (calls, texts, emails) and the car (used it to get to the locations). sounds stupid, i agree, but for some FB (especially younger people) is just as important as those items. you can only keep beating a person up until THEY have had enough. you wanted this to work. so what to do? you took her back for a reason. revisit and decide whether it still works for you. time for a serious discussion with your wife. express the why and the what. let her rebut. then come to an agreement on what is acceptable. its been 3 years do not dictate, you want her to own the agreement. then any future arguements should be about how she failed to follow the agreement (not the contents). otherwise put the foot down, yell, take away whatever --- and wind up where you did not want to be --- D. You clearly have no clue as to how infidelity devastates the BS or what reconciliation is. They never reconciled, he just stayed and tried to make things work because of his fear of abandonment or losing the kids or whatever - all the while simmering with hurt and anger inside due to her cheating and remorseless behavior. OP: would you rather be a weekend dad or have your kids watch you suffer staying in your current situation? Without your wife taking responsibility for her cheating and willingness to do anything to repair the damage she has done, you will grow to hate her over time. Kids pick up on these things and it causes insecurity which can lead to other issues down the road. Its really all up to her. If she cares about your marriage and family she will buy in to an attempt at true reconciliation. If not, divorce is a much better option for you and your kids.
drifter777 Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 OP, i am coming late to this thread --- i think you are wrong to a point. why did you decide to reconcile? the affair ended 3 years ago. you accepted her back. she compiled with your demands (or you would not still be together). at some point a person would expect some level of 'normalcy'. that is the push back you are now getting. and while several posters have said --- get rid of FB. fine but why stop there: why not the computer (used it to access FB), and the cellphone (calls, texts, emails) and the car (used it to get to the locations). sounds stupid, i agree, but for some FB (especially younger people) is just as important as those items. you can only keep beating a person up until THEY have had enough. you wanted this to work. so what to do? you took her back for a reason. revisit and decide whether it still works for you. time for a serious discussion with your wife. express the why and the what. let her rebut. then come to an agreement on what is acceptable. its been 3 years do not dictate, you want her to own the agreement. then any future arguements should be about how she failed to follow the agreement (not the contents). otherwise put the foot down, yell, take away whatever --- and wind up where you did not want to be --- D. You clearly have no clue as to how infidelity devastates the BS or what reconciliation is. They never reconciled, he just stayed and tried to make things work because of his fear of abandonment or losing the kids or whatever - all the while simmering with hurt and anger inside due to her cheating and remorseless behavior. OP: would you rather be a weekend dad or have your kids watch you suffer staying in your current situation? Without your wife taking responsibility for her cheating and willingness to do anything to repair the damage she has done, you will grow to hate her over time. Kids pick up on these things and it causes insecurity which can lead to other issues down the road. Its really all up to her. If she cares about your marriage and family she will buy in to an attempt at true reconciliation. If not, divorce is a much better option for you and your kids. 1
beatcuff Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 You clearly have no clue as to how infidelity devastates the BS or what reconciliation is. too funny --- you must be clairvoyant --- you do not know me. re-read the the thread and my message. this happened 3 years ago. my advise would have been GREATLY different if it was 3 months ago. in fact it would have been so similar i would never have responded. but it ended 3 years ago. if R is not working its time for OP to move on. for the betterment of all concerned.
Recommended Posts