Tayla Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Tonight a social friend stopped by to discuss a personal matter. Often I listen and say little since its 99% venting and needing a listening ear. Over these past nine months I noticed some behaviors and crossing the lines occur. I Confronted her and addressed the matter. She seriously has narcistic issues and "entitlement" habits that stretched to the point where she "expects" her family and my friends to "loan" her money and items because she hit hard times. To preface this ...she is a shopaholic . She will blow her entire paycheck and cry "Woe is me" when the electric is turned off . She rants that they had no right since she does pay them when she "can". Which is rare. After much discussion with some of her family who concurred she is a loose cannon when it comes to money and using people, I said I would step up and speak with her since in some ways she and I can relate. She naturally tried to turn the tables and insist she "never" mooches and only recently has the hard times hit. Its been 7 years according to her family...that she has been "borrowing" and not paying back. I asked her for the money I loaned her and she immediately said.."Geesh" you're really going to get that petty??? I said, yes, please. She then defended herself and cannot understand how I have her totally wrong. She is so far in denial and the facts of her behavior have weakened the family/friend trust. Before storming out basically telling me I am not a friend of hers and how could I ever think such of her...I said quietly and gently...Absorb what was said...take it in and if I am wrong...then you made the right choice to walk away from this relationship. I'm 99% sure she'll move on to another victim and use them... So apart of me actually feels bad, then I recall....She is a grown adult and needs to hear the truth..what she chooses to do or not do after being spoken to is her choice. I know I won't see the money...Yet I also know in the long run I made the right decision in speaking with her. She is a train wreck and sadly I wish not to ride that train down a path of destructive actions. So curious If anyone else would have spoken up or simply allowed this behavior to continue? I guess since I was a "willing" victim to her antics I wanted to stop this...but maybe I did more harm then good.... 2
traciwil Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Thumbs up to you for taking the right decision at last. They say, better late than never.
coolheadal Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 This happens always, I usually say no. Because if I can do it they can do the same. Paycheck goes into the bank directly. Then pay your bills first. Put some money to the side for fun. Keep some cash in the house hidden. The rest you save with. Good for standing up firm on this subject! You make all of us here proud of you!
Author Tayla Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 thanks folks for the response! Her Brother is an associate of mine thru work and I watched him struggle trying to be her big brother and maintain safe distance. I may never know if the talk helped but if someone keeps hearing it enough times maybe they will re-consider how they behave...Behavior modification is key to changing unhealthy habits... Appreciate the supportive words here on this forum!
love1336x Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 So curious If anyone else would have spoken up or simply allowed this behavior to continue? I guess since I was a "willing" victim to her antics I wanted to stop this...but maybe I did more harm then good.... Yes I have, but to me if they are behaving wrongly towards me, then they wasn't never my friend to begin with.
Author Tayla Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 Yes I have, but to me if they are behaving wrongly towards me, then they wasn't never my friend to begin with. Glad to know you have walked that path with folks....and your right...about the friend part...perhaps thats why I kept her as a social friend and nothing more. Just plum discouraging that she will blame the world instead of taking responsibility. Its sad...
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