Tangled web Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 My question to everyone who is finally out of the fog is...how long does it take to get over the addiction? I'm 100% sure I'm more addicted to the feelings of the A than I am to xMM. How do you get past the withdrawals?! I can't even contemplate working on my M until my head is clear and I don't cry at the slightest thing. My every thought is consumed with him and I just want to move on. Unfortunately, I have no close friends, work independently, and really have too much time to think. I have so many memories to get past, not to mention a nearly 7 year secret routine that I need to snap out of. Help!
Lillyfree Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 like any other bad habit. stay away from the addictive substance, and replace it with healthy things. in time the addiction lessens until you're free. i've looked through your earlier threads, and it's too soon to start working on your marriage. you need to get your head right first. since you've got no one to talk to, i would suggest IC. get yourself healthy, then get your marriage healthy. one thing i didn't see - does your husband know of the affair?
UpwardForward Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 My question to everyone who is finally out of the fog is...how long does it take to get over the addiction? I'm 100% sure I'm more addicted to the feelings of the A than I am to xMM. How do you get past the withdrawals?! I can't even contemplate working on my M until my head is clear and I don't cry at the slightest thing. My every thought is consumed with him and I just want to move on. Unfortunately, I have no close friends, work independently, and really have too much time to think. I have so many memories to get past, not to mention a nearly 7 year secret routine that I need to snap out of. Help! Imo, these A's happen when one succombs to the temptation. And it doesn't necessarily happen when you are searching. The 'temptation' can go one way or another depending on if one gives into it - then into the fantasy - or 'fog'. Realize the waste of time and priorities. Replace and strive for better, and to make up for time lost. 1
Goodbye Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Took me a solid 3 months of NC to stop agonizing. After that, he was still occupying my mind, but not consuming it. It has been almost 6 months now and I'm doing pretty well overall. No longer addicted. He did break NC a few times, and each time it set me back a bit, but after each set back I rebounded more quickly. I see a therapist, stay busy...I'm hoping to address my "post relationship weight" and get healthy. It feels good to not care so much. 1
Author Tangled web Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 like any other bad habit. stay away from the addictive substance, and replace it with healthy things. in time the addiction lessens until you're free. i've looked through your earlier threads, and it's too soon to start working on your marriage. you need to get your head right first. since you've got no one to talk to, i would suggest IC. get yourself healthy, then get your marriage healthy. one thing i didn't see - does your husband know of the affair? My husband knows I had an affair, but thought it ended early on after a few months. He does not know it continued or the extent of it. I think it would kill him. I clearly have issues I need to work on. Is it best to find a therapist on my own first to address my individual problems. I never thought I'd be one of those people on the couch sigh....
Lillyfree Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 My husband knows I had an affair, but thought it ended early on after a few months. He does not know it continued or the extent of it. I think it would kill him. I clearly have issues I need to work on. Is it best to find a therapist on my own first to address my individual problems. I never thought I'd be one of those people on the couch sigh.... there's no shame in seeing a therapist. i'm so glad to see that you're willing to better yourself, your marriage and therefore your life - that's a very positive thing and means you're half way to success keep it up. just being where you are now took a lot of strength. you've got more of it than you think 1
KentuckyGent Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 He did break NC a few times, and each time it set me back a bit, but after each set back I rebounded more quickly. This is true.
ComingInHot Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 okay so ceeling a bit punchy tonight (2 hours of sleep, 9 hour road trip 5 more hours od work and all...) but..... (song most know)... You gotta kick the habit (kick the habit), Shed your skin. This is the new stuff (is the new ztuff) You go Dancin' In, (you go daaannnnccin' IN!!) Seriously, SHED YOUR A SKIN! start Living the life you have been blessed with woman* 1
thefooloftheyear Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Just fake it til you make it....Keep busy, draw on family, pick up a new interest or hobby... I dont think its much different than a garden variety breakup..I will admit that it may be harder because the breakups are usually sudden without the "loss of feelings" one gets from a regular relationship that has just run its course. Just hang in..The mind is similar to the body here in that it will repair itself in time. Some take longer than others but most get over it eventually. TFY 2
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