ScottRedding Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Though my gf is already 19 years old, while I'm 20 it seems like her parents are still old fashioned. For far we have been dating for about 2 months and well the first time I wanted to take her on a date, she said I had to get in the house first. I thought it was weird because with my two previous exes, we would just meet each other and date, then later on meet each other's family. Well when I got in, her father started questioning me immediately and I really felt very uncomfortable, as if I were in a police station or something. Then her mother comes and same thing. She starts explaining that Deanna is studying to become a physician and asked what my major is, where are we going, etc. Recently, they have been demanding twice to meet with my parents. I don't feel too liked by her parents. Should I continue this relationship? I really like Deanna and I'm happy she's studying (so I'm I, my major is criminal justice) but even she can't stand it either. Are they going to get used to it? It feels like I have to go out of my way and do extra work, more than ever for them to stop thinking of me as someone stealing their girl from them. She also choose to be with me too.
Author ScottRedding Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 (edited) Then if there is one thing that really bothered me when I was interrogated heavily if them mentioning how they taught their girl values and that I better not try anything slick and how she plans to wait till marriage. My gf told me otherwise, that she plans to wait until she's ready but not necessarily till marriage. I'm hurt by the way her parents spoke to me that day. Not all of us are horny pigs that only want sex nor users. I'm dating her because I want a relationship and we like each other a lot. But if I have to be overly interrogated and reminded not to try to get her into bed, etc then I don't know how long I can have patience. She has a curfew too and I thought this was already over once someone is 18 years old and over. Honestly, this relationship and her strict parents looking at me like I were some horny guy only wanting sex is making me stress out. What more can I do already?? Edited September 26, 2013 by ScottRedding
HokeyReligions Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 I think its sweet. If you care for her then deal with it. They love their daughter and want to protect her. And if she's living at home it doesn't matter how old she is. Her parents have every right yo set and enforce a curfew in their own home. Some parents take longer yo get to know. Maybe if you stop fighting them and use your energy to get to know them instead of resent ing them it will be easier. They will always be het parents and the last yhing you want to do is put her in a position where she has to choose between you.
StanMusial Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Well if she lives in their house, not much you can do about it. They probably try to weed out the scumbags. I ran into the same thing years ago and I hated it but looking back I know why it was the way it was.
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 They're only being protective over the culture that is out there today...a lot of guys will just tell a girl anything about how beautiful and amazing she is and feign these deep emotional feelings then just cut out like it never happened as soon as they get bored with it. She's only 19...I know from your perspective that is plenty grown up, especially comparing it to your other ex's because you shouldn't be looking at it that way...some women are just going to be from a more conservative/protective background than others. And as you grow older you'll understand why her parents did that, and it's not necessarily a personal attack on you even though it feels like it....they're just trying to be super protective over their daughters feelings, they want to prioritize her goals and accomplish something instead of being a girl who just molds her life around the next love affair, throwing it all away for a guy and doing anything for him once she "falls in love" and then that relationship falls apart and she's got nothing to show for the "investment". If you truly like her and want to be with her, then you're going to have to do the time...dating a girl seriously and having a relationship does include her family believe it or not...a lot of families aren't that way but some are and at least at some point they're going to be a bigger part of the picture because of her age...unless she moves away to college then she can be free to make all those stupid decisions without her over-protective parents around. Get the mentality that things should be a certain way, If you want to date her you know the rules, instead of resist just try to make the best out of it and once they get to know you a little better and you earn their trust by proving you're a good guy over time then things might change....or she'll just move out or leave against her parents will....all kinds of "fun" stuff like that can happen when you're young...so you know love and what's best after all!
Keenly Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Well if she lives in their house, not much you can do about it. They probably try to weed out the scumbags. I ran into the same thing years ago and I hated it but looking back I know why it was the way it was. Well... there is abiding By the parents rules, and then there is letting your parents make all your life decisions for you, thus voiding any attempt to be your own person. I would consider a first date interrogation to be very disrespectful to me, to her, and to her independence. I have no problem meeting the parents, but im not playing the good cop bad cop game with a girls parents that isn't even my girlfriend yet. Also, the " she's going to be a physician, she is waiting until marriage " crap coming out of her parents mouth, and not from hers, is a huge red flag. Not for her, for the parents. I wouldn't trust some one who tried to speak for another person like that. 1
samsungxoxo Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 (edited) Also, the " she's going to be a physician, she is waiting until marriage " crap coming out of her parents mouth, and not from hers, is a huge red flag. Not for her, for the parents. I wouldn't trust some one who tried to speak for another person like that.I totally agree on that one. I would be pissed off if my parents spoke for me in that manner. Even though my father was kind of strict in my younger years (now I'm 26), the only time he ever interrogated a guy was with my first date and the talk didn't last more than a couple minutes; neither of my parents mentioned anything about my then virginity (that is something personal, only person who gets to tell a guy that is the girl herself if she wants to). Afterward, I went on a couple more dates with different guys and he didn't want to do all that interrogating again. I can imagine if it wouldn't had been Deanna's first date nor relationship, maybe the parents would have gotten tired with the interrogating process. Are they going to question every single guy she goes out on a date if the relationship were to not work out? Edited September 26, 2013 by samsungxoxo
Mr.Mango Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 I'm with Keenly and Samsung. Good parents are the ones that raise their kids to make good decisions for themselves, not make the decisions for them. I understand they're being protective, but this is a little ridiculous. We've come a long way from asking a girls father if you can take her out to the dance. If you really like her, stick with her. Parents may be a part of someone's life, but their level of control will only decrease over time.
crederer Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 I've had the interrogation but it was kind of light hearted (while serious at the same time). It didn't bother me too much because after the interrogation they made me feel like I was already "in" with them (I guess they liked my answers). That being said, it doesn't sound like it was very light hearted in your case. I dunno...you're both adults, she's 19, not 14. If it bothers both of you she should express that to her parents and they need to trust that they raised her properly enough that she wont make any choices that they would not approve of.
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