FriedRice Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 (edited) It has been a month since my ex girlfriend of 2.5 years called the relationship off. She said that she didn't have time for a relationship anymore and that we have been arguing a lot since the last few months of our relationship. she said i was hurting her. i asked her on the break up day if she still had feelings for me and she said no because we didn't spend a lot of time together which pretty much contradict why she broke up with me. she used the lets just be friends line and i said okay... i guess during the relationship i didnt get to understand her that much and didnt appreciate the things she does for me and since she couldn't make time for the relationship due to work, volunteering, and family, i became needy and arguments started to break out and ended the relationship. Its been a month since the break up and her sister told me that she has moved on. I decided that this was the end of the road for me, so i contacted her after 2 weeks of going into No contact and told her that she has some of her stuff at my house and i would love to give it back to her, as i dont want it in my house anymore. i asked her if she could meet up for lunch, so we can talk and i could give her stuff back. She said she has to work on that day, so i suggested to her that i can drive to her work place and give it to her after work since i was hanging out on that day and it wouldnt be a bother to me. she insisted and asked me to give it to her when we hangout because she said she wants to hangout with me. 2 weeks later after the breakup i sent her a message on fb saying that she should stop contacting me and that i will contact her when i am ready, so i guess she misunderstood that i contacted her because i am ready to be her friends again or something, when my intention was to just give her stuff back so i dont have any excuses to see her again. we talked last Saturday on facebook for roughly 15-20mins before she said that she had to go sleep and since then we haven't talked to each other at all. we are planning to hangout this saturday and i have re-arranged my work schedule so i would get saturday off and she knows this because we work in the same department. should i give her a hangout or grab lunch for maybe 30mins or cancel it and just say i will drop her stuff off to her house on saturday and give it to her sister. Should i hangout with her and see what would happen? i was planning to just give her a 'friend' hangout and not mention about the past at all and just go back to no-contact after the hangout if it doesnt look good. i dont really have any high expectations that she would take me back, since everyone told me that it seems like she moved on already. Edited September 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Well, how much pain do you want to be in and how for how long??
Author FriedRice Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 forgot to mention that a few days after the breakup, she texted me asking how i was doing and then completely ignore me for a day or 2 before replyin again or sometimes she would ignore me completely. this went on a few times until i said that was too much and decided to write her a message on fb expressing my feelings. telling her that i was sorry that i took her for granted and not understanding her and i thanked her for all the great times that she has given. i ended the message telling her that she should not contact me because she was giving me mixed signals. i told her that i would contact her once i am ready to do so. she replied back saying that she was sorry for giving me mixed signals. she just didn't want us to be awkward with each other and that she just wanted to be friends again. :lmao: then i initiated 2 weeks of no contact after that
Author FriedRice Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Well, how much pain do you want to be in and how for how long?? Well i am still in a lot of pain, but a lot better then wen we first broke up. i still cry myself to sleep and still have no appetite for anything, but i am somewhat becoming more accepting and starting to lose hope. i was hoping that on saturday, i would be able to see that she has completely moved on with my own eyes and that i have no more hope and hopefully that will end my stupidity of keep hoping that she would be back with me again and really start my no contact once again
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 NC = Slow road to healing and recovery. LC or Contact = Never-ending despair and false hope. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Well i am still in a lot of pain, but a lot better then wen we first broke up. i still cry myself to sleep and still have no appetite for anything, but i am somewhat becoming more accepting and starting to lose hope. i was hoping that on saturday, i would be able to see that she has completely moved on with my own eyes and that i have no more hope and hopefully that will end my stupidity of keep hoping that she would be back with me again and really start my no contact once again You don't believe that last part of your paragraph where you say you hope you see she had moved on and we don't believe it either. Look man, meeting up with her now, especially after it being so soon, will only make things SO much worse. I can give you ten good reasons, but I'm writing this on my phone lol. Just trust me, DO NOT GO!!
Author FriedRice Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 You don't believe that last part of your paragraph where you say you hope you see she had moved on and we don't believe it either. Look man, meeting up with her now, especially after it being so soon, will only make things SO much worse. I can give you ten good reasons, but I'm writing this on my phone lol. Just trust me, DO NOT GO!! i guess i will have to cancel it and spend the saturday by myself since i already devoted myself to that saturday just so i could see her for once last time. haha i just dont want any "what if" during my no contact because i really dont want any regrets when i initiate no contact.
Minneloa Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Well i am still in a lot of pain, but a lot better then wen we first broke up. i still cry myself to sleep and still have no appetite for anything, but i am somewhat becoming more accepting and starting to lose hope. i was hoping that on saturday, i would be able to see that she has completely moved on with my own eyes and that i have no more hope and hopefully that will end my stupidity of keep hoping that she would be back with me again and really start my no contact once again I am sorry you are hurting, OP. That said, if you have no appetite and are crying yourself to sleep, you are *definitely* not ready to see her. Your emotions are still far too raw and volatile.
Minneloa Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 i guess i will have to cancel it and spend the saturday by myself since i already devoted myself to that saturday just so i could see her for once last time. haha i just dont want any "what if" during my no contact because i really dont want any regrets when i initiate no contact. Good call. No contact is actually your best bet in terms of healing, getting your emotions under control, and moving on. Staying in contact with your ex is a recipe for staying stuck and hurt indefinitely.
Author FriedRice Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 (edited) I am sorry you are hurting, OP. That said, if you have no appetite and are crying yourself to sleep, you are *definitely* not ready to see her. Your emotions are still far too raw and volatile. i know that i will be back to square one after this saturday even though i am already back to square one when i contacted her last saturday, but i truly dont want the "what if" in my head. telling me what if she wants to see me and rekindle things and stuff like that...What if i could re-spark those feelings that she once had for me. show her that i can be a better man for her and not the needy guy...what if she see's all the thing that she will miss and actually re-think her decisions. stuff like that... Edited September 25, 2013 by FriedRice
Minneloa Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 i know that i will be back to square one after this saturday even though i am already back to square one when i contacted her last saturday, but i truly dont want the "what if" in my head. telling me what if she wants to see me and rekindle things and stuff like that...What if i could re-spark those feelings that she once had for me. show her that i can be a better man for her and not the needy guy...what if she see's all the thing that she will miss and actually re-think her decisions. stuff like that... If she wants to rekindle with you, she will let you know. Currently, there's no indication, I'm sorry, that this is the case. Nothing you can do will change her mind or re-spark her feelings. That's her internal process. You need to take care of yourself right now, not worry about how to win her back, since that's not something you have control over. Now, what can you do on Saturday for fun?
Author FriedRice Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 (edited) If she wants to rekindle with you, she will let you know. Currently, there's no indication, I'm sorry, that this is the case. Nothing you can do will change her mind or re-spark her feelings. That's her internal process. You need to take care of yourself right now, not worry about how to win her back, since that's not something you have control over. Now, what can you do on Saturday for fun? you think i should send her a message on facebook or maybe call her telling her that i cant make it on saturday? we did already planned it out and i dont want to be an ******* and just cancel it suddenly haha. i dont know what kind of reasons to give since she knows i dont do anything with my life now a days -.- maybe ill just facebook her and tell her i cant make it because ill be busy. dont really want to call her because i feel like hearing her voice will probably hurt me more afterward. i guess my plans on saturday is all ruined now haha. was planning to act normal and act like i have moved on and just give her the best hangout that i can give her. was even planning to end the night with " just know that i will always be here for you and that i still love you. if you are okay then i will be okay, because i know that you are happy now" Edited September 25, 2013 by FriedRice
Minneloa Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 you think i should send her a message on facebook or maybe call her telling her that i cant make it on saturday? we did already planned it out and i dont want to be an ******* and just cancel it suddenly haha. i dont know what kind of reasons to give since she knows i dont do anything with my life now a days -.- maybe ill just facebook her and tell her i cant make it because ill be busy. dont really want to call her because i feel like hearing her voice will probably hurt me more afterward. lol No call! Brief FB message or text saying you can't make it, something came up. No need to give a reason; she'll figure it out. After that, I strongly urge you to delete her number and unfriend her on social media. If you're gonna do NC, you might as well go all in. Sending good thoughts! M.
Author FriedRice Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 No call! Brief FB message or text saying you can't make it, something came up. No need to give a reason; she'll figure it out. After that, I strongly urge you to delete her number and unfriend her on social media. If you're gonna do NC, you might as well go all in. Sending good thoughts! M. what about some of her belongings that i still have? she told me its okay if i keep it for now because she doesnt really want it back but i really dont want it in my room anymore and just want to give it back to her as soon as i can. its just her itouch and her highschool yearbook. should i just contact her sister and just give it to her sister instead? she probably just going to think i am an azzhole for canceling on us haha since she assumed that i have moved on already
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Ship it or have a friend drop it to her. Cancel quickly for this weekend, then stay NC. It is the ONLY way you will start to feel better. There is no other choice. None!!! And, forget about what you think she thinks. That is a quick trip to madness.
Author FriedRice Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Ship it or have a friend drop it to her. Cancel quickly for this weekend, then stay NC. It is the ONLY way you will start to feel better. There is no other choice. None!!! And, forget about what you think she thinks. That is a quick trip to madness. feel like giving everything back to her even the stuff she gave me as gifts lol...i dont want any of it anymore. probably a bad idea since they are gifts. there are still plenty of stuff in my room that she give me as gifts and i still havent put them away yet. maybe i should start doing that soon -.- i dont really want to delete her off of facebook because that will make it seem like i am weak and can't even handle being her friend on facebook. i blocked all notifications from her on my facebook so it shouldnt be a problem anymore. though i can still see when shes online and stuff through my phone's facebook.
Author FriedRice Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 its just crazy how i wake up every morning thinking that wow, we actually did break up and it wasnt a nightmare at all. everything is really over and its darn hard to accept that fact. my friends told me that the saturday hangout could be good because if she still has some feelings for you then she might re-consider working things out because i seen cases where people meet up for lunch after a few weeks of their break up and sometimes do end up back together again...so maybe thats part of why i want to try the hangout thing and see where it leads me
Chatmonkey Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 (edited) I'm not telling u what to do or wanting to contradict anyone else here as I'm sure they are much more knowledgeable than myself in this department. however, after I broke up with my ex (3 weeks ago to the day) I saw her twice within a week after that (mainly because I was going to live interstate and wanted to say goodbye. Saw eachother twice because i ended up delaying when i left due to the break up). anyway, those last two times when I got to see her before I left made me feel better for some reason. I'm not sure why but it did. Maybe it is because I knew she wouldn't take me back? But even tho I missed her I enjoyed seeing her for that last time until we possibly meet up again when I am fully over her. It made me feel good to have a propper ending and finish and say everything I wanted to say. just sharing my experience. I don't want to contradict these guys especially when some of them are the ones who helped me Edited September 26, 2013 by Chatmonkey
BC1980 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 feel like giving everything back to her even the stuff she gave me as gifts lol...i dont want any of it anymore. probably a bad idea since they are gifts. there are still plenty of stuff in my room that she give me as gifts and i still havent put them away yet. One of the first things I did was to get rid of everything that reminded me of my ex. I do mean everything. Gifts, t-shirts we bought on vacation, letters, cards. I actually gave it all to him the last time I went to house. As long as I don't have to look at any of it, I don't care if he burns it or makes a shrine out of it. Sentimental crap like that will most definitely drag you down on a daily basis.
Author FriedRice Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 I'm not telling u what to do or wanting to contradict anyone else here as I'm sure they are much more knowledgeable than myself in this department. however, after I broke up with my ex (3 weeks ago to the day) I saw her twice within a week after that (mainly because I was going to live interstate and wanted to say goodbye. Saw eachother twice because i ended up delaying when i left due to the break up). anyway, those last two times when I got to see her before I left made me feel better for some reason. I'm not sure why but it did. Maybe it is because I knew she wouldn't take me back? But even tho I missed her I enjoyed seeing her for that last time until we possibly meet up again when I am fully over her. It made me feel good to have a propper ending and finish and say everything I wanted to say. just sharing my experience. I don't want to contradict these guys especially when some of them are the ones who helped me yeah i have the same thinking as you right...i just want to see her for once last time before i end contact between us. i want to see the fact that she wont take me back and that she has been completely over me...Aside from this, i also want to create an open door in case we happen to be back together in the future or just be friends...my friends told me to just meet her up for one last time and get it over with so that i can actually move on. But people on here suggest that i should lose complete contact until i can face her again.
Author FriedRice Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 One of the first things I did was to get rid of everything that reminded me of my ex. I do mean everything. Gifts, t-shirts we bought on vacation, letters, cards. I actually gave it all to him the last time I went to house. As long as I don't have to look at any of it, I don't care if he burns it or makes a shrine out of it. Sentimental crap like that will most definitely drag you down on a daily basis. so i should give her everything back? birthday gifts, cards that she wrote to me, stuff that she has given me over the years? everything? is that a good idea?
Author FriedRice Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 I'm not telling u what to do or wanting to contradict anyone else here as I'm sure they are much more knowledgeable than myself in this department. however, after I broke up with my ex (3 weeks ago to the day) I saw her twice within a week after that (mainly because I was going to live interstate and wanted to say goodbye. Saw eachother twice because i ended up delaying when i left due to the break up). anyway, those last two times when I got to see her before I left made me feel better for some reason. I'm not sure why but it did. Maybe it is because I knew she wouldn't take me back? But even tho I missed her I enjoyed seeing her for that last time until we possibly meet up again when I am fully over her. It made me feel good to have a propper ending and finish and say everything I wanted to say. just sharing my experience. I don't want to contradict these guys especially when some of them are the ones who helped me also we had a fight before the relationship ended so we never really got to spend last minutes together...dam this decision is killing me. part of me want to hangout with her for the last time and the other part is telling me to stay as far away as i can because she doesnt deserve my respect anymore after what she has put me through...i shouldnt give her the piece of cake and let her eat it and stuff like that...
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 feel like giving everything back to her even the stuff she gave me as gifts lol...i dont want any of it anymore. probably a bad idea since they are gifts. there are still plenty of stuff in my room that she give me as gifts and i still havent put them away yet. maybe i should start doing that soon -.- i dont really want to delete her off of facebook because that will make it seem like i am weak and can't even handle being her friend on facebook. i blocked all notifications from her on my facebook so it shouldnt be a problem anymore. though i can still see when shes online and stuff through my phone's facebook. Put all memories away. You don't have to bin them (I love British terms ). Just out of site out of mind. I have a drawer filled with reminders of my ex. And that's where they will stay for a while longer. Why would you want constant reminders every time you walk into the room? Ouch!!! I would block her FB. Even better, you yourself take a break from social media. It's lame anyways!! It's not weak. Actually it's quite the opposite. A sign of strength, resolve and determination to heal. And, who cares what she thinks anyway? I'll say it again. Who. Cares. What. She. Thinks??
reddragon588 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 The "I didn't have time" line is BS. She didn't have time because she didn't make it a priority to make time. She said you're not as important to me as these other things. That's not cool of her. You deserve better than that.
Chatmonkey Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 also we had a fight before the relationship ended so we never really got to spend last minutes together...dam this decision is killing me. part of me want to hangout with her for the last time and the other part is telling me to stay as far away as i can because she doesnt deserve my respect anymore after what she has put me through...i shouldnt give her the piece of cake and let her eat it and stuff like that... Look man, at the risk of being ridiculed on here... just going off my one experience I would say go see her. Who cares what feeling it gives her for her to see you, you only care about yourself right now and if seeing her will give you that last goodbye and to see she probably won't take you back then I just say do it. Yes it may cause pain but i don't believe ending on a fight is ever a good thing. Don't think about her for a minute and what she wants or if she would like to see you. don't not see her because u don't want her to have that piece of cake. Block that from your mind. Would it make YOU feel a bit better to at least end things on a nicer note before you go complete NC? For me i took the risk and I am happy i did it although a lot of others would disagree from their experiences. Good luck with your decision, I know you will be ok either way. We are all in this together.
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