Sparty97 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 So my wife asked me this morning what I wanted for my birthday...2mos removed from our last sexual encounter...4x this year total...I looked up from my oatmeal and said "how about a blowjob"?...the look on her face was priceless...she just whispered under her breath "@sshole"...hah..."You asked" I told her..."hell, you don't even have to do it just give me a hundred bucks"...I was dying inside, laughed all the way to work. 5
Keenly Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Sounds like the worst marriage ever if she scoffs at the idea of oral sex in general, let alone on your birthday. 4
Author Sparty97 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Sounds like the worst marriage ever if she scoffs at the idea of oral sex in general, let alone on your birthday. top ten anyway.
Ursa Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 So, she's withholding sex for whatever reason (do you know why?) and you obviously have no respect for her. Sounds lovely. Why are you still married? 3
Author Sparty97 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 She's withholding because she has no interest and you guessed it, I have lost a lot of respect for her over the past few years. Why are we together? Well I won't file for divorce because I don't want to pay her a dime of alimony for being my roommate for the past 15yrs. And for whatever reason, filing has not crossed her mind.
ChooseTruth Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 So, she's withholding sex for whatever reason (do you know why?) and you obviously have no respect for her. Sounds lovely. Why are you still married? It depends on his tone of voice. I could imagine having said this to my ex with a smirk and she probably would have laughed and said something snarky or kinky in reply even if she didn't intend to give me what I asked for. Nothing in anger I don't imagine.
Balzac Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 I thought a birthday blow job was a guaranteed thing! Guess not. 2
jimmytwowheels Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Thats...terrible. If I want a blowjob I just take a shower and then ask. I may just be lucky though.
Ursa Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 (edited) It depends on his tone of voice. I could imagine having said this to my ex with a smirk and she probably would have laughed and said something snarky or kinky in reply even if she didn't intend to give me what I asked for. Nothing in anger I don't imagine. Eh, a man asking for a birthday blowjob isn't going to make me clutch my pearls anytime soon. I was referring more to the subtext...the way he phrased it, it reads to me as though she was hurt/upset by his response and he loved it that he hurt/upset her, found it really funny. It reads as though he responded the way he did precisely because he knew it would hurt/upset her, and that is exactly what he wanted most. In my book, you don't love hurting/upsetting people that you care about and respect. Maybe she withholds sex out of sheer joylessness and frigidity, or in some kind of power play--I don't know. I can say that the only times I've ever withdrawn sexually from my husband, it's been out of hurt feelings or at a couple of rough patches in our marriage when I was feeling disconnected and unhappy. I wasn't able to reconnect with him sexually until we reconnected emotionally (and I'm so glad we did!). Therefore I tend to think that Sparty's post is actually a desperately sad one, because one interpretation I can easily see is that of a hurt, angry woman reaching out to at least make a friendly gesture for her husband's birthday, and him lashing out and shutting her down instead of trying to meet her halfway. Of course, the scene he describes is open to more than one interpretation. I can understand not wanting to pay alimony in general, but I can't understand willingly staying trapped in a desperate, angry, spiteful sham of a marriage just to stick it to somebody else or because of money. Money is nice, but so is freedom, so is being able to be with somebody who actually loves and respects you and WANTS to be with you. Isn't a little money worth unshackling yourself and escaping 20 more years of needling torment? I would be making tracks to either a highly qualified marriage counselor or a highly qualified divorce attorney, in Sparty's shoes. Edited September 26, 2013 by Ursa 3
Lillyfree Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 hm... i can imagine similar conversation between hubby and i, but with a completely different outcome a married couple CAN joke about these things without anyone getting uptight and 'insulted'. well, a married couple should be able to, anyway. sex is fun, not a tool of torture and a way to 'get back' at someone. seems to me that you two need to talk to a counsellor about this... 2
Mr. Lucky Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Hate to rub it in but I always get a blow job on my birthday. My wife says it's the one gift she doesn't have to worry about my returning... Mr. Lucky 4
Author Sparty97 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 Well, this story made me feel better about my life... Glad to help.
Author Sparty97 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 Eh, a man asking for a birthday blowjob isn't going to make me clutch my pearls anytime soon. I was referring more to the subtext...the way he phrased it, it reads to me as though she was hurt/upset by his response and he loved it that he hurt/upset her, found it really funny. It reads as though he responded the way he did precisely because he knew it would hurt/upset her, and that is exactly what he wanted most. In my book, you don't love hurting/upsetting people that you care about and respect. Maybe she withholds sex out of sheer joylessness and frigidity, or in some kind of power play--I don't know. I can say that the only times I've ever withdrawn sexually from my husband, it's been out of hurt feelings or at a couple of rough patches in our marriage when I was feeling disconnected and unhappy. I wasn't able to reconnect with him sexually until we reconnected emotionally (and I'm so glad we did!). Therefore I tend to think that Sparty's post is actually a desperately sad one, because one interpretation I can easily see is that of a hurt, angry woman reaching out to at least make a friendly gesture for her husband's birthday, and him lashing out and shutting her down instead of trying to meet her halfway. Of course, the scene he describes is open to more than one interpretation. I can understand not wanting to pay alimony in general, but I can't understand willingly staying trapped in a desperate, angry, spiteful sham of a marriage just to stick it to somebody else or because of money. Money is nice, but so is freedom, so is being able to be with somebody who actually loves and respects you and WANTS to be with you. Isn't a little money worth unshackling yourself and escaping 20 more years of needling torment? I would be making tracks to either a highly qualified marriage counselor or a highly qualified divorce attorney, in Sparty's shoes. I don't think I was trying to hurt/upset her, but rather be pretty blunt about a subject I have been getting more and more blunt about in recent years, our lack of a sex life. As for the love part? I am just not sure anymore. She withholds sex because its back burner in her mind, she just rarely thinks of it. At the same time she plays hurt if I forget to kiss her goodnight or goodbye. As for her reaching out to make a friendly gesture? We have been together 22yrs...married for 17...she shouldn't have to ask me what I want. A truly nice gesture would be to know what I want, yes? I'm not saying she should have woken me up with sex, or that it had to even be part of it, but she should know my interests enough to have a clue. It was a hollow, mechanical gesture on her part. I have spent years trying to meet her halfway, a third of the way, a quarter, and eight...no dice. She has no interest in sex, and for years she has essentially been getting what she wants out of the marriage. It may be time for me to seek what I need out of it elsewhere.
Author Sparty97 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 hm... i can imagine similar conversation between hubby and i, but with a completely different outcome a married couple CAN joke about these things without anyone getting uptight and 'insulted'. well, a married couple should be able to, anyway. sex is fun, not a tool of torture and a way to 'get back' at someone. seems to me that you two need to talk to a counsellor about this... I am not a big believer in counseling.
giotto Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 I don't think I was trying to hurt/upset her, but rather be pretty blunt about a subject I have been getting more and more blunt about in recent years, our lack of a sex life. As for the love part? I am just not sure anymore. She withholds sex because its back burner in her mind, she just rarely thinks of it. At the same time she plays hurt if I forget to kiss her goodnight or goodbye. As for her reaching out to make a friendly gesture? We have been together 22yrs...married for 17...she shouldn't have to ask me what I want. A truly nice gesture would be to know what I want, yes? I'm not saying she should have woken me up with sex, or that it had to even be part of it, but she should know my interests enough to have a clue. It was a hollow, mechanical gesture on her part. I have spent years trying to meet her halfway, a third of the way, a quarter, and eight...no dice. She has no interest in sex, and for years she has essentially been getting what she wants out of the marriage. It may be time for me to seek what I need out of it elsewhere. same position, but I've past caring... this was me about 4 years ago. Can't fix the wife and she won't fix herself. So, who cares now? Choice to stay is mine. I can get out any time. Since I've chosen to stay, I'm civil to her. Stopped the snarky remarks a long time ago. Too much effort! Enjoy your life!
yellowmaverick Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Why didn't you just say "a divorce". Then go get a blow job. You don't even have to get a divorce. There are plenty of other woman who would give you that without the divorce. As for your comment that she has gotten everything she wants/needs from the marriage, how do you know? Did you ever ask her?
xxoo Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Wonder what her response would have been if you'd said, "an hour in bed, loving on you." 1
Author Sparty97 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 Why didn't you just say "a divorce". Then go get a blow job. Lol...sadly the divorce would be a gift to her financially.
Author Sparty97 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 Wonder what her response would have been if you'd said, "an hour in bed, loving on you." About the same. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 It may be time for me to seek what I need out of it elsewhere. I hope cheating is off the table; it only demeans you while failing to address the very real issues involved. Are you thinking some open marriage version? You've indicated that divorce isn't a preferable option... Mr. Lucky
Mr. Lucky Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Hopefully you get them on ordinary days too :-) I do . My screen name is descriptive... Mr. Lucky
GorillaTheater Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Why are we together? Well I won't file for divorce because I don't want to pay her a dime of alimony for being my roommate for the past 15yrs. And for whatever reason, filing has not crossed her mind. Does she have a job? If not, I'd sure push her into getting one.
Cali408 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Sparky, it seems like you are selling out your happiness because you don't want to cut the check. I find that sad. I wouldn't put up with it. She sounds like a keeper.
central Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Divorce is expensive because it's worth it. Besides, if you are really motivated to give her as little as possible in a divorce, there are strategies. First, if she has a job, you may not have pay alimony, or not for long (the longer the marriage and the greater the income disparity, the more likely you'll have to pay alimony). Before you even mention divorce, downgrade your job and salary for a year or so, to lower the amount you'd have to pay, and try to get her to earn more too. Spend savings on non-tangible things, like trips and experiences (preferably without her) - things you'd want to do someday, just do them now. That depletes your assets to share. Have equity in your home? Sell it, downsize greatly, and again use the proceeds for experiences. Now, this may not be ethical, but it may be better than staying in a loveless, sexless marriage that is taking its toll in stress on your health and happiness.
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