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The no title is hurting me


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Posted

So I have written before about this same guy and how I we had the talk and it didn't work out. But we keep contacting each other. I told him I was upset that he didn't want a relationship and it's best for me to stop talking to him. He asked why and I just told him because I don't want to be a rebound it would be hard and sad for me.

 

I read the suggestions and I was told to run. Part of me said yes run but part of me said stay you are happy why are you searching for a title.

 

He then proceeds to ask me why do I need a title. We are exclusive. I make sure to text, email and keep you aware of my daily tasks we have movie nights once a week and try to do the same things in the city we are in that weekend. We fly out to see each other at least once a month. We keep each other involved in our lives. He thought we were in the right direction for it to happen he just thinks it's too soon and doesn't want to rush. We have been talking non stop since May. He's not ready to be in a relationship and doesn't want to ruin it by everything changing bc of a title. His last two serious relationships have been ldr and most couldn't take the distance. He worked out of the country for a year and now works on projects stateside but travels 4 out of the 7 days a week.

 

So I'm just confused again. He acts like we are in a relationship but we aren't . He Is very nice and caring a true gentleman. But doesn't want to see me leave I will be traveling again to a state I have never been to before and he has booked his ticket to come to my state to share our NYE kiss. We have already made plans for dates bc it gives us something to talk about and look forward to. Do you think he's planning something special or maybe wants to ask in person

 

Do I just stop being excited and happy because I don't have a title. Or just be patient and wait on him bc he's asking me to be patient and I love the time we spend together!

Posted

He then proceeds to ask me why do I need a title. We are exclusive.

 

So I'm just confused again. He acts like we are in a relationship but we aren't.

 

Do I just stop being excited and happy because I don't have a title. Or just be patient and wait on him bc he's asking me to be patient and I love the time we spend together!

 

Honestly, he doesn't need to know the details of "why" you need the title. All he should know, is that it's important to you. You want to be in a serious relationship, one in which he calls you his girlfriend and you his boyfriend. That's just natural.

 

He acts like you're in a relationship because you allow it. You give him all the benefits and perks of being his girlfriend, without him actually having to commit to you on any real level.

 

If you're so "exclusive" then he shouldn't have any problem making you a girlfriend.

 

There is a very real difference between ACTUAL relationships, and casual relationships. Tons of guys prefer the casual over the actual.

 

Casual Relationships: All The Fringe Benefits of a Relationship?Without The Actual Relationship | Baggage Reclaim by Natalie Lue

 

If he's asking you to be patient, fine. Remove yourself from the situation and let him sort out whatever it is he needs to figure out. Until then, date other people, see your friends, do not make yourself available to him as a "girlfriend" figure, and most certainly do NOT sleep with him. Do not cater to him, or treat him any differently than other people in your life.

 

Remember he's NOT a boyfriend until he locks it down with you.

  • Like 3
Posted

Look at the title of your thread. You aren't getting what you want out of this "relationship." So why are you wasting your time? I don't care how he is acting -- you aren't getting what you want. You aren't happy. What exactly does he think is going to change if you change your title from "exclusive" to "girlfriend"? Seriously, what? Have you asked him that?

 

Non stop talking since May is more than enough time for him to decide whether he wants you to be his girlfriend. If I were you, no way would I agree to exclusivity with this guy, and I'd be out dating other men. That goes double considering this guy lives 2,000 miles away from you. He's going to string you along and string you along...and then next thing you know he's going to meet a woman who he does want to call "girlfriend." Unfortunately, she won't be you.

  • Like 1
Posted

It's obvious he wants all the BENEFITS of a relationship without ANY RESPONSIBILITIES. This person is a man-child. The "title" thing is an excuse. He doesn't want to commit because he is putting you on hold until the real deal comes along, and he can dump you with no consequences. This says a lot about his character. Coward, liar and manipulative. Do you really want a man like that???

  • Like 1
Posted

Hi

 

I recently had a relationship like yours for nearly a year.

 

We were exclusive but he wouldn't call me his girlfriend because he wasn't ready to take that next step. It hurt not having a title. I kept thinking maybe I am not good enough etc! Very bad for your self esteem.

 

I would say put an internal time limit on it (don't tell him). In three or six months time you will see if there is any progression. If there isn't then you are probably going nowhere with this.

 

N

Posted

Sorry I don't know your backstory. Is this an LDR? Are you positive he isn't married or dating someone else? If he doesn't want to give you a title it may be because he wouldn't want t move things further. Assumptions of course. But since you're obviously looking to keep progressing the R and he is not you two may not be on the same page.

  • Author
Posted

Yes this is an ldr. We talked while he was away in china for a year and he moved back to the states to a city other than the one he originally planned on moving to closer to me. Got a better offer from another company but we weren't exclusive then. That's when I met my bf and he met a girl in the city his job headquarters are in They had an ldr and it didn't end well she was very jealous and controlling.

 

We have remained friends and now are exclusive with each other. He doesn't want to get in a relationship bc he said he's not ready. I don't want to leave because I like him a lot and we get along great. I believe actions speak louder than his words. I know it's not about the ldr because we talked about how he wants to stay at the company for years and how he loves consulting and know he will have to be in a ldr most of the time.

 

A lot of people have said run leave him he's not ready. This is a toxic relationship. I just got a email from him after my original post that said I can't wait to see you. I'll finally get to see you after 4 long weeks. This trip is gonna be special. Listed all the things he has planned and have been waiting to do when I get there. I just get upset because he is showing all these signs that he likes me but won't commit. Maybe he has something up his sleeves this trip. We have been talking about a lot of romantic things and I have mentioned I how I want to be romanticized and swept of my feet. His reply was I can't wait.

 

If nothing happens this trip which has already been planned. That's when I'm going to break of the exclusivity and date other men. And tell him maybe he shouldn't come for NYE anymore or plan future trips.

  • Author
Posted

No he's not married. I have stayed at his house plenty of times and have met all his friends including co workers.

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