Celsus Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 does it work? I'm very doubtful and thankfully I was. How do you mend a broken relationship when you don't speak to each other? Hoping he/she will miss you during NC? Of course they will. . . for a while. Unfortunately it will eventually turn into out of sight, out of mind. They will soon start to feel that they would rather stay single. A few months later they may contact you out of curiosity, but after being out of touch for so long, it's not easy to try again. I did not go no contact. Instead I went for low contact. Sure, in the beginning I did the usual begging and pleading, but I stopped and started taking time for myself. I'd contact her once a week and we would chat for a while. I encouraged her that we should continue to have light contact during our time apart. I gave her, her space and soon I stopped contacting her and she started contacting me. For 5 months I'd hear from her about once a week. We'd talk about what's new in each others lives and so forth. We kept that connection while still having plentiful time to ourselves to sort stuff out. And you know what? It works. We are not officially back together, but we started going out more. We contact each other more frequently and best of all, we decided to stay committed to each other while taking things slow. Try it. don't immediately jump into o contact, because everyone says you should. More often than not you lose contact and possibly lose a chance at a relationship that could have been fixed if you actually put some effort into it. No contact is the cowards way. If you truly love that person, fight for them. If they still do not care after a while, then you can go no contact and forget about them. No pain, no gain. Try it.
reddragon588 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Wow there is so much wrong with this I don't even know where to begin. Good luck, you are in for a long and hard journey. 7
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 As stated many, many times before. NC is NOT designed to get your ex back. It IS designed to help you heal and move on when your RS is over. Plain and simple! 8
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 For 5 months I'd hear from her about once a week. We'd talk about what's new in each others lives and so forth. We kept that connection while still having plentiful time to ourselves to sort stuff out. Just wait until you start hearing about her new BF elations/toubles. Then it won't be so nice... Or maybe she will just hide that from you and continue to use you as an emotional crutch, while the whole time you think you are gaining ground, when in reality you aren't!! But what do thousands of other posters know? I'm sure you're right 1
reddragon588 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Limited contact can work in reconciliation occasionally. It did for me last year, for about 10 months. I don't think it is worth it. Rarely if ever will it result in lasting reconciliation, as it gives you no way to miss the person and it gives you no way to be honest with yourself about whether the relationship is right (you will be still caught up emotionally and not logically) and it gives you no time to work on yourself individually, for yourself. NC is not about reconciliation anyway. It's about self improvement and protecting yourself and your emotions. Reconciliation can and does happen from NC, and it has a higher chance of that reconciliation succeeding. But it's about letting things happen naturally as they may. If reconciliation is meant to be it will happen regardless of NC. If it isn't meant to happen , it won't. But at least you'll be emotionally prepared for that 4
barky2 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Can you show me where it says nc gets a ex back? Id love to read it. Barky 3
Philosoraptor Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 When a relationship ends the issues that caused the breakup need to be addressed in order for any second chance to work. NC is one path, not the only one, but quite a good one for moving on past the broken relationship. It allows you to build your own strength and regain your identity. Just 9 days ago she was bouncing back and forth, going cold on you, and she's still not committed. Every one of your posts you try to ratonialize her motives and make excuses for her inability and unwillingness to give you answers. Hopefully the 5 months have given her clairvoyance, but even 9 days ago she was hot and cold so I doubt that. So what has she done to correct the issues in the relationship? Furthermore, what have you done to correct these issues? 4
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 does it work? I'm very doubtful and thankfully I was. How do you mend a broken relationship when you don't speak to each other? Hoping he/she will miss you during NC? Of course they will. . . for a while. Unfortunately it will eventually turn into out of sight, out of mind. They will soon start to feel that they would rather stay single. A few months later they may contact you out of curiosity, but after being out of touch for so long, it's not easy to try again. I did not go no contact. Instead I went for low contact. Sure, in the beginning I did the usual begging and pleading, but I stopped and started taking time for myself. I'd contact her once a week and we would chat for a while. I encouraged her that we should continue to have light contact during our time apart. I gave her, her space and soon I stopped contacting her and she started contacting me. For 5 months I'd hear from her about once a week. We'd talk about what's new in each others lives and so forth. We kept that connection while still having plentiful time to ourselves to sort stuff out. And you know what? It works. We are not officially back together, but we started going out more. We contact each other more frequently and best of all, we decided to stay committed to each other while taking things slow. Try it. don't immediately jump into o contact, because everyone says you should. More often than not you lose contact and possibly lose a chance at a relationship that could have been fixed if you actually put some effort into it. No contact is the cowards way. If you truly love that person, fight for them. If they still do not care after a while, then you can go no contact and forget about them. No pain, no gain. Try it. The underlining part in this is you are not back together. You are her friend. That's sweet...and you are the ultimate doormat. Good work!! I'm sure a relationship is right around the corner lol. 3
Zahara Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 How is having contact working when you're still not together and only 9 days ago you were complaining she went cold again? Repost when you're back in a committed relationship with her and moving forward with plans for the future. Maybe then you'll have a stronger argument. 3
JDPT Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 OP- I don't think you understand the concept of NC. 1
J21 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 (edited) The purpose of NC is to move on, not hang onto false hope. Nobody said NC is a way to get back at your ex or reconcile with them. Furthermore, maybe you should have waited until you were in a official relationship with your ex before posting this. Either ways, I don't think it was warranted to say "No contact is the cowards way". You are assuming people were a good fit for each other and they were just giving up on the relationship due to a minor tiff. I'm sure your intentions were good, perhaps you wanted to give hope to others but a lot of members here are going through really difficult heartache. It's just an insensitive statement to make without the knowledge of anyones situation. Best wishes to you. Edited September 25, 2013 by J21 5
stillafool Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 No Contact is not about reconciliation it is to help the dumpee move through the breakup to heal. 3
AnyaNova Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Most of us here don't want the broken plate (or at least intellectually we know that we need to get over the broken plate), so that we can move on to the nice new plate, and hopefully and eventually, a plate that will never leave us and that will stay whole. How's that for a mixed metaphor? 4
barky2 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 So you're her friend, nothing more. Good luck with that. Readers of this thread, please, I implore you, do not take the OP's advice. ^^^^ this. Everyone gets to a point when they do not want to be hurt or the cycle wants to be stopped that's when they being nc. Until that point you will beg plead take freidnship ECt. Obviously op hasn't been hurt enough yet and he needs to be a doormat just one more time. Take it from who has had the chance to get back any woman I've ever dated ( and got back mine the one Ive been with for 10+ years after a year seperation) being friends is not the way to go. Distance and letting go and moving on and diving in head first and committing your all to make yourself happy is. But, what do we know. Are we going to be called haters again? Barky 4
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 You been 'friend-zoned' Pow. It's the f*ing Catalina wine-mixer... 5
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 You been 'friend-zoned' Pow. It's the f*ing Catalina wine-mixer... "Is he saying pow? What is he saying?" 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 This thread is a joke right? I wish... 1
Sugarkane Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 NC is good because it gives you time away from the situation and think things through. The best part hopefully working on yourself and avoiding more hurt. NC is great when the dumper gets off on hurting you and is playing games. 1
oracle Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh that was a good laugh You need to read my threat pinned to the top of this section.. i have been in full contact for 3.5 years. Its a life draining purgatory. The wound doesnt heal when you continually pick at the scab. does it work? I'm very doubtful and thankfully I was. How do you mend a broken relationship when you don't speak to each other? Hoping he/she will miss you during NC? Of course they will. . . for a while. Unfortunately it will eventually turn into out of sight, out of mind. They will soon start to feel that they would rather stay single. A few months later they may contact you out of curiosity, but after being out of touch for so long, it's not easy to try again. I did not go no contact. Instead I went for low contact. Sure, in the beginning I did the usual begging and pleading, but I stopped and started taking time for myself. I'd contact her once a week and we would chat for a while. I encouraged her that we should continue to have light contact during our time apart. I gave her, her space and soon I stopped contacting her and she started contacting me. For 5 months I'd hear from her about once a week. We'd talk about what's new in each others lives and so forth. We kept that connection while still having plentiful time to ourselves to sort stuff out. And you know what? It works. We are not officially back together, but we started going out more. We contact each other more frequently and best of all, we decided to stay committed to each other while taking things slow. Try it. don't immediately jump into o contact, because everyone says you should. More often than not you lose contact and possibly lose a chance at a relationship that could have been fixed if you actually put some effort into it. No contact is the cowards way. If you truly love that person, fight for them. If they still do not care after a while, then you can go no contact and forget about them. No pain, no gain. Try it. 1
Author Celsus Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 It saddens me that a 'supportive' website shows nothing but contempt and doom and gloom. FYI as of a few days ago we decided to give it another chance and are officially back together. Now as it seems to be tradition in this forum I'm sure the naysayers will flock to call 'bull****' or try and dampen my spirits about how it 'will not last'. with this thread I was trying to help. Yes, a few weeks ago she did give me mixed signals, but I kept on trying and she thanked me for not giving up. Will it work out and will we have a bright future together? I don't know. Nobody does, but at least we are trying. The biggest mistake I made while we were broken up was join this forum. Good job. You people are a real class act. Little wonder it never worked out for you.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 (edited) It saddens me that a 'supportive' website shows nothing but contempt and doom and gloom. FYI as of a few days ago we decided to give it another chance and are officially back together. Now as it seems to be tradition in this forum I'm sure the naysayers will flock to call 'bull****' or try and dampen my spirits about how it 'will not last'. with this thread I was trying to help. Yes, a few weeks ago she did give me mixed signals, but I kept on trying and she thanked me for not giving up. Will it work out and will we have a bright future together? I don't know. Nobody does, but at least we are trying. The biggest mistake I made while we were broken up was join this forum. Good job. You people are a real class act. Little wonder it never worked out for you. Its not "gloom and doom" there hoss, its called moving on. Thats what NC does. We have ALL seen it in this website and thats why this site exist. Many of the ones, especially those who help the most, HAVE moved past it and are 100 times better BECAUSE of it. For instance, take Cav on here. He had a hard time with his BU back in the day. He took advice from this site and went No Contact to heal and to get better. More than a year later, he is on this site still helping coming out the other end MUCH better, with a caring GF, and a much happier life. Why? Because he was positive and listened to advice. You came on here and pretty much BASHED everyone else's opinion then blast us with your last post. She came back from her "break" without repairing anything and neither did you, so how are any problems fixed? Do NOT be shocked when there are again problems down the road. AND plus I doubt the validity of your tone, especially since you seem so defensive. Either way, you didnt listen to us then, so why now right? Good luck to you. Edited September 27, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing 1
UnknownFX Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 I am curious about LC vs NC at the moment
Simon Phoenix Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 It saddens me that a 'supportive' website shows nothing but contempt and doom and gloom. FYI as of a few days ago we decided to give it another chance and are officially back together. Now as it seems to be tradition in this forum I'm sure the naysayers will flock to call 'bull****' or try and dampen my spirits about how it 'will not last'. with this thread I was trying to help. Yes, a few weeks ago she did give me mixed signals, but I kept on trying and she thanked me for not giving up. Will it work out and will we have a bright future together? I don't know. Nobody does, but at least we are trying. The biggest mistake I made while we were broken up was join this forum. Good job. You people are a real class act. Little wonder it never worked out for you. Stop crying.
todreaminblue Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 as another poster said relationships can reconcile with no contact but its not the purpose of no contact it is respectfully letting someone go......for both sides the dumpee and the one who requested the break.....i have had to do this with family.broke my heart..........its extremely hard and you always wonder how they are...... as far as a relationship goes before implementing no contact make sure it is really what you want because once its no contact both sides need to stick to it........no stalking face books no messages no seeing them at all going to the same events nothing nada zip........it isnt a way to get back together........it does happen but its not the way to believe it will work for you..........you are in limited contact.....that isnt a way to strengthen a relationship or build it or rebuild......... you need to do a face to face see where you both are at what you want to do ...a bit of closure maybe might be good for you........and stop playing games........games end...relationships dont have to but they will if you play games with no contact.... i dont get over people easy at all.....it is painful for me and it takes me years once i love them...that is why when i choose to be with seomoen i know its permanent that i want them in my life........and with my half sister and genetic father it happened fourteen years ago the no contact thing i am still not over it doubt i ever will be......i am not a no contact person i hate it...but i dont break it when i am sure it is the right thing to have done....even if it kills me to do it..i become haunted on whther it was the right decision or rnot......but my life goes on and i choose carefully who is in my life and who i need in my life and who needs me around too....i dont play games...i am the one who would end up hurt the most if i did that....game players normally are the ones who get hurt.....because they lose in the end..deb 1
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