My Dumping Story

[rossi128]

I’m writing this because it’s a form of release that I think will be healthy for me and give me some sort of closure. I must apollogise now as it's quite long.

 

Tiny bit of background info first. I’m in my early thirties and was a bit of a late starter. This was my second relationship and longest to date. Only 3 months but for me that's huge.

 

I joined an internet dating site, got chatting to this girl and we met and started going out. We had decided to take it slow in the beginning which suited me fine having little experience plus the stronger our foundations the better I thought we would be long term. One other reason she wanted to take it slow was her previous bf had affected her confidence and self esteem. He had cheated on her and was always putting her down.

 

So when I came along I was a breath of fresh air, I made her laugh and smile, always treated her right and did all the things what I thought I bf should do and did things her previous bf would never let her do. I made her happy and she made me happy.

 

The first sign of problems (although I didn’t realise it would come back to haunt me at the time) was when we was I my car she said I braked too late and got too close to the cars in front when at junctions. I said I would try and be more considerate but like an idiot came back a few days later and said well no one else has said anything about my driving and that upset her as she thought her opinions didn’t matter to me. This came up again and I really did try to be more considerate and she noticed this. There were a couple of occasions where she felt unsafe in the car with me though.

 

Next after about a month and a half of knowing her she told me she loved me which took me by surprise and because I said I wasn’t ready to return the sentiment she went all funny on me, said it took strength to lower her barriers and say it. No one’s ever said that to me before and it meant alot but I think it was too soon and she didn’t really mean it.

 

When she was at school and college she was bullied and said this one performer’s music saved her life. She had mentioned this a few times but never really elaborated when I asked. An opportunity came up to see this person at a music festival so we decided to get tickets, she was so excited.

 

The time of the festival came and it was a very early start for us both. I did mention I’m a bit grumpy in the mornings when I’m tired and going from the car park to the camp site we was a bit snappy with each other, she got upset but we both apologised and things were fine. First 2 days were good; we were still physically intimate with each other. The next 3 nights of rain and mud stopped that though. We had only gone to see 2 artists really, the first we watched together but she wanted to move up and I stayed were I was, something I regret now. The second the main one, she was going to start queing from 8am she said and I told her she wouldn’t have to go that early, later would be fine to get to the front if your sensible about it. It was this where she thought I was telling her what to do but I was just looking out for her, the same thing when I insisted she wear ear plugs if she was standing for 12 hours listening to bands just to see the final act. I wasn’t keen on standing for that amount of time with my ringing ears as bad as they are so agreed to take some gear back to the car to speed up our exit that night/morning. But I felt guilty for not staying with her so I attempted to find her. She was at the front were she wanted to be and I tried to get to her. My phone died just after I got a message from her asking where I was. I'd managed to get right near the front about 2 people from the barrier but still couldnt see her from where I was. But I was crushed during the band before and had to be carried out. After that I decided to watch from the back after being pummeled. That night when she got back to the tent I expected her to be all happy after seeing her idol but she wasn’t. Unbeknownst to me she had also been pulled out after waiting 9 hours or more just before the act was due to come on which upset her, lost her hat and glasses, was kicked in the head by crowd surfers, had a bottle of piss thrown at her and mud thrown at her. These things are not uncommon at a festival but still they upset her. I went to hug her but she wouldn’t let me because she just wanted to get changed but let me hug her after. We was going to get some sleep before we set off but the talk of someone starting a fire shook her up a bit. So we decided to pack up in the wet and mud, which took over an hour, carrying dragging and pulling our stuff through thick gloopy mud to the car took over 2 hours (was only 35 just walking) and we was a bit snappy again as it had been a long day and by the time we got back to the car it was about 5 am. We still had to get out of a very muddy car park where cars were getting stuck. We got stuck a few times and backed up and tried a different route. She kept saying how I was going to hit another car and I couldn’t see out my back window screen. I got out cleaned it up and kept going. I did eventually bump into another car and on my way to turn round she was saying I was going to hit another, I snapped a little saying I’m not I can see it better that you can its fine, when I got past it sarcastically said oh look I didn’t hit the car. I did say to her she wasn’t helping the situation I was a bit stressed. We eventually got out. It was a quiet journey home. The mud and rain had made the weekend not a very good one. When I dropped her off gave her a hug I didn’t hear from her much the rest of that day we were catching up on sleep but got a few messages.

 

The next day got a long text saying she was unhappy most of the weekend and that I wasn’t as suited with her as she thought, I immediately rang her up, wanted to meet up but she didn’t want to, I pleaded with her on the phone. She said the way I spoke to her in the car was vile, brought up the conversation about my driving when I said other people didn’t have a problem with it, and said why I agreed to go to the festival if I wasn’t going to stand with her. She also said she's never been strong enough before to stand up for herself. I said I was nothing like her previous bf's, she said not to put words in her mouth. She eventually hung up on me.

 

After a few days I decided to write her a letter, not asking for another chance more of a good bye letter, saying sorry for hurting her and how great she was and that I’m a better person for meeting her. Dropped it off in person but she was out. Text her a day later to see if she got it to which I got this text (which I’ve not been able to get out my head since):

 

"Yes I got letter, doesn’t change anything. I'm not going to change my mind. You have once again shown you’re not respecting me and my wishes. I told you it's over and what do you do? You come round uninvited and now your pestering me after you said letter was the last time you would contact me. Please leave me alone. You were horrible to me at weekend and I can’t forgive or forget. You ruined my weekend and hurt me. It’s done, no going back. Please don’t contact me again."

 

That was it. She deleted me off face book and blocked me. Haven’t spoke to her since. But I can still see her face book page because of something I did, just to see if she was ok. Less than 3 weeks after she dumped me she’s with someone else, actually her bf according to face book. Which upset me and made me angry.

 

So I’m left with questions and no answers.

 

Is she blaming me for the whole wet weekend disaster? (a few female friends have said women do that)

 

Is she just crazy and neurotic?

 

Was I a rebound from her previous relationship?

 

Is this new guy a rebound? (too?)

 

Was she cheating on me?

 

Why won’t she talk to me?

 

Would she ever get in contact again?

 

After reading others stories on here i'm resigned to the fact theres nothing I can do, try and work on myself and move on.

 

I've spoke to close friends and they have helped lots but any comments, advice or encourgement on here wouldn't go amiss.

 

D

[Purepony]

Shes a nut case! I would send her a bill for the ticket and tell her she was nt even good in.bed.

Go nc theres so many women out there who want to be with you but you wont know till you forget that old bag

[KatZee]

You honestly BOTH sound somewhat unstable.

 

I wasn't in the car so I can't say for 100% certainty about your driving, but if she felt unsafe, and then after a festival you HIT someone, I can' safely say you're an aggressive and unsafe driver.

 

My ex was a driver like this and I told him so many times I didn't feel safe in the car with him. He was reckless, rode people's bumpers in the left lane while speeding, weaved, and I told him "listen, if you want to drive like a jerkoff, do it on your own time. I'm in the car with you, and I have no interest in dying." And he didn't listen at all. He continued driving however he saw fit. I found it highly disrespectful and hated driving with him. One morning when I wasn't in the car with him (thank God), he wound up being aggressive again, and slamming right into the car in front of him. Totaled the whole front end of his car.

 

I'm also familiar with the festival scene. I love music festivals. But it sounds like neither of you really had an experience with it, and you both were trampled. You should have stuck with her if she wanted to be up front, you two should have stuck together instead of separating.

 

It just doesn't seem that you two are a particularly good fit. You don't seem to be able to compromise, you're not really LISTENING to her when she's telling you she feels unsafe, and a weekend she was looking forward to, wound up being a situation where she was left alone.

[rossi128]

I'm not a bad driver. When in the car park I reversed slowly into the bumper of another car. I got out to check, no damage to either car. I altered my driving, braking well in advance and leaving a bigger gap. I listened, was more considerate, she even mentioned this on the way to the festival. On the way back though we just wanted to get out of there. Tiredness and stress got the better of me. This was 5/6 am after all but I take responsibility for this.

 

I should have stuck with her. I regret that, which is why I went to find her. I don't know if I could have cushioned her from being squashed or took the hits from the projectiles but I should have been with her. I made mistakes and hold my hands up to them but there's not one thing in my opinion that couldn't have been sorted.

 

It's too late I know but I would have been even more considerate to her needs and would have done anything to make it right.

[Copelandsanity]

Rossi, you dodged a bullet. Like KatZee said, she does not seem stable. The first red flag was how quickly she said ILY; another would be how she quickly disposed of you. Since she was treated badly and cheated on by her ex, she may still be feeling damaged from it. She doesn't cope with adversity very well.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Your relationship had major communication issues. The circumstances that led to the fight/arguments you had are petty and easily fixable if you both were mature and were communicating effectively. Same problem with my ex. The relationship was doomed from the start.

 

Forget about your ex. Focus on you and what you could do to make yourself better.

[rossi128]

Thank you all for your comments and advice.

 

Time focus on me now then. And if she ever does get in contact again ha well I'll have to post an update