HarleyBrown2 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 (edited) Brief background - Was together for a year and 2 months, very happy other than the fact there was another guy who fancied my ex and came between us a lot, my ex continuously told me they were just friends, but they had previously kissed and this guy has feelings for her... He made a move on her - she declined, they went away surfing together even though I made it clear i wasn't comfortable with it, I found flirty msgs on her phone between the two, at which point I told her I had enough and didnt want to see her, she begged saying she was a total idiot for sending those msgs they didn't mean anything, she's an idiot and shouldn't have done it, she was drunk and made a mistake... I said I'd see how it goes, two weeks later she went out for drinks with friends and lied about him being there, I found out and she said she didn't tell me because she knew I'd worry about it if I knew he was there and she didnt want to upset me unnecessarily and ruin my evening! Well after putting up with all the above, I had enough and broke up with her, but then had second thoughts, although we remain broken up and have been for 3 months! I went NC cos I didn't want to entertain her mind tricks and games! She called and texts several times, wanting to meet up, saying she missed me and that she would probably regret this, etc etc I have just found out through a friend that she is now going on holiday with this other guy and have seen pics of them together, so I'm pretty sure they are together, yet she still calls and texts me and puts song lyrics on her status that are about me and her.... I need help on how to get through this because this girl is messing with my head big time! I love and miss her but wouldn't want to be with her again, I just need to understand what she is playing at because it's messing with me! Any previous experiences or advice would be greatly received. Thanks, H Share Edited September 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and deleted duplicate thread
Chi townD Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 The biggest person messing with your head now is YOU! You stated that you've seen pics of them together (tells me that you viewed her social media and have not blocked her on facebook). You've learned that they're going on holiday together (tells me that you are inquiring about her). You receive texts messages from her and phonecalls (tells me that you haven't changed your number or blocked her number or even have your phone provider block her number for you). Dude, you are not in NC. 3
lauri Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 You are doing this to yourself. Block her out completely and accept that it is over. Its funny how they jump onto the guy that you felt threatened by after you break up lol. Don't know what it is, maybe our gut telling us that it will happen.
Chi townD Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 You are doing this to yourself. Block her out completely and accept that it is over. Its funny how they jump onto the guy that you felt threatened by after you break up lol. Don't know what it is, maybe our gut telling us that it will happen. Or maybe that if we felt threaten by them when we were dating, perhaps we saw something in them that they had better qualities in them to be a better partner. Therefore, they go an explore if that is the case. "Why would by boyfriend/ girlfriend feel threated by them unless they see something in them that I don't see?"
Author HarleyBrown2 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Thanks for the replies, I know I need to be stronger with super strict NC. But I'll be honest I'm glad I found this out, it just confirmed what I already thought and it made me feel better, cos this guy is an easy option rebound, she said she's rejected him twice before, so clearly settling Lads with the whole 'better qualities' is a good point, although I'd never met this guy, I was solely disapproving because of his actions towards my ex and her entertaining it because she has insecurities/ low self esteem, she he made her feel better, she craves attention!
Chi townD Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Yep! you need to start strict NC practices. AND you need to make positive changes in your life. She made her choice and, unfortunately, it wasn't you! You need to make positive changes. Go get a new hairstyle and buy new clothes. Be styling everyday! Eat right and get plenty of sleep. Hit the gym and go!!! Work off that stress and frustrations that you're having. Thing is, she always sending you texts and voicemails; yet, she has no problem going away with this douche rocket. Therefore, you need to travel, go explore the world! The way you write tells me that you're not in the states. You call taking a vacation a holiday. So, I would think English or Irish. But, you stated that she went on a surfing trip. The English and Irish aren't really known for their surfing. But, Australians are. SO, regardless! If your in England, take a holiday in Spain before the weather turns worse. If your in Australia, fly out here and putz around Los Angeles! Point is, she's probably keeping tabs on you and if she discovers that you're on holiday. Then, it's going to drive her insane why your on holiday and who did you go with! 2
Author HarleyBrown2 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Thanks Chi TownD... Great advice! Just for the record I'm English, well narrowed down dude! Oh and I also surf, it's not great conditions here, but we get waves, which is all that counts I'm already on what you've suggested, I'm hitting the gym getting toned, doing more activities/sports, I have just bought my own place and am moving from London and have my eyes set on a few more changes... But all the above are to better me, not get her back Thanks for your help dude!
Chi townD Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Awesome! English folks surfing....who knew! Then, grab some friends that surf. Save money and make a plan to come to the states for a surfing trip of your own! Flights from the UK to New York is about an 8 hours flight. But the west coast of the US has a better set of waves. Florida isn't too bad. But, California? That turns into a 12 hour flight. However, sunny Southern California! Santa Monica! Malibu! San Diego! Santa Cruz! Take your pick from probably some of the best surf you'll see in your life. Get some friends. Research cost of the flight, research renting a house for a couple of weeks, or research vacation packages. Figure out how much money you would need day to day. Mind you, California is really expensive, so take note of that. But, if you split the cost of the rental house between you and your friends. You'll realize that the cost it's not that bad. SO plan, save and go! Look at some surfing websites and see which months have the best waves in Southern California. That's your target date. Oh, and some bad news about the states. We don't have Nando's here. You Brit's eat that chicken up like it's crack!
lionoftheforum Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 (edited) You did notice all the signals and proof! Yet you continued investing in this person? Why? That sounds like a FWB situation, not a relationship worth deep bonding. ... She called and texts several times... saying she missed me... You did write this, so it's known that you care that it was said. This line is a hook, nothing more. The next time you hear it, proceede with caution! These kinds of comments are so numerous on LS it makes me wonder why some people refuse to pay attention, accept, and learn what they really mean? This is not a female signal of caring about you. It’s something she does for herself to justify to herself that she acted appropriately. When they tell themselves these things, females really do see it as impunity. We all know thats BS. Edited September 25, 2013 by lionoftheforum
headinthecloud Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Thanks for the replies, I know I need to be stronger with super strict NC. But I'll be honest I'm glad I found this out, it just confirmed what I already thought and it made me feel better, cos this guy is an easy option rebound, she said she's rejected him twice before, so clearly settling Lads with the whole 'better qualities' is a good point, although I'd never met this guy, I was solely disapproving because of his actions towards my ex and her entertaining it because she has insecurities/ low self esteem, she he made her feel better, she craves attention! She was secure enough to know that flirting with a guy (non-bf) would get her attention. That's not being insecure, that's a manipulator who plays with people to keep their ego boosted.
Author HarleyBrown2 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 She was secure enough to know that flirting with a guy (non-bf) would get her attention. That's not being insecure, that's a manipulator who plays with people to keep their ego boosted. Thanks for that in-put, i've never seen it from that point of view... but it makes much sense, she's most definitely a game player!
reddragon588 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 There is actually some pretty good surf here this time of year in the fall. Santa Monica isn't the greatest to be honest but Venice Beach is solid. I'm partial to my area, but Huntington and Newport are amazing waves and Trestles, down at San Onofre is off its face. But I digress. You have the right attitude. While it's hard to accept, her willingness to downgrade to someone who would pursue a girl in a relationship shows you everything you need to know about her. It is time to double down on NC and completely cut her out. Judging on her willingness to leave you, I bet she will do the same to this guy.
Chi townD Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 There is actually some pretty good surf here this time of year in the fall. Santa Monica isn't the greatest to be honest but Venice Beach is solid. I'm partial to my area, but Huntington and Newport are amazing waves and Trestles, down at San Onofre is off its face. But I digress. You have the right attitude. While it's hard to accept, her willingness to downgrade to someone who would pursue a girl in a relationship shows you everything you need to know about her. It is time to double down on NC and completely cut her out. Judging on her willingness to leave you, I bet she will do the same to this guy. Actually, there's the Venice Beach Hostel that's right there one block away from the beach. $40 dollars a night, free wifi, and it includes breakfast and dinner. International travelers, if they stay 7 days then they get an 8th day for free. That works out to about 171 pounds, I think. Hell, that price is only for 1 night that some of the hotels there. 8 nights AND meals? Can't beat it!
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