Some people can't just make up their minds

[Imajerk17]

Hi IMJ, thanks for the pick me up, I am getting better at initially attracting women, but I still need to keep that "ebb and flow" going until I finally have her hooked.

 

Well, I did have other dates in mind, I said, "What about Friday?" She said she had to be to bed early on Fri night so she could get up early in the morning for her volunteer work.

 

Then I suggested Sunday, she said she spends time with family on Sunday.

 

Alright that's cool. My initial read on the situation was off then. It actually sounds that either she is socially inept or she really wasn't interested. And that's not knocking you or anything--I get rejected a decent amount too. It's actually better to take your best shot and "get to no" so there's no wondering.

 

Next time though, maybe you could ask, "So when are you free?". She'll either give you a time and date, or at the very least the ball will definitely be in her court (you "got to no"). You can sign off with "Ok then call me when you do have some free time".

Edited September 27, 2013 by Imajerk17

[irc333]

Hi IMJ,

 

I actually emailed her earlier today following up, asking how her week was.

 

She said it's been hectic, and unfortunately the same will be said for this weekend and that being said she stated she won't be able to get together this weekend and "TGIF!"

 

Now, I could ask, "Oh okay, so when would you be available" to place the ball in her court, but our previous conversation a few days earlier she stated, "I'll let you know." and it would just seem too pathetic saying, "OH okay, so when would you be available?"

 

Well, she did let me know and it's a "no go" for this weekend and of course , and made no counter offer.

 

I usually wait a few seconds for her to make a counter offer, but she made none and to avoid too long of an awkward silence, I just say, "Okay, sounds good" mean while I"m thinking "Yeah right , I'm not waiting by the phone". For some reason, down the line she got cold feet.

 

I think she may be a bit socially inept because every since she finished her Master's degree and her and her co-horts / students parted ways she's made no new friends, well, except for the one that introduced me to her.

 

But it sounds like she's not willing to start new friendships much less a dating relationship.

 

Alright that's cool. My initial read on the situation was off then. It actually sounds that either she is socially inept or she really wasn't interested. And that's not knocking you or anything--I get rejected a decent amount too. It's actually better to take your best shot and "get to no" so there's no wondering.

 

Next time though, maybe you could ask, "So when are you free?". She'll either give you a time and date, or at the very least the ball will definitely be in her court (you "got to no"). You can sign off with "Ok then call me when you do have some free time".

Edited September 27, 2013 by irc333

[sickpuppy]

Hi IMJ,

 

I actually emailed her earlier today following up, asking how her week was.

 

She said it's been hectic, and unfortunately the same will be said for this weekend and that being said she stated she won't be able to get together this weekend and "TGIF!"

 

Damn I've heard the same thing from a previous chick. lol "I'm off Fri, Sat Sun. Can't wait! (Bigger better deal!)

 

Now, I could ask, "Oh okay, so when would you be available" to place the ball in her court, but our previous conversation a few days earlier she stated, "I'll let you know." and it would just seem too pathetic saying, "OH okay, so when would you be available?"

 

Well, she did let me know and it's a "no go" for this weekend and of course , and made no counter offer.

 

I usually wait a few seconds for her to make a counter offer, but she made none and to avoid too long of an awkward silence, I just say, "Okay, sounds good" mean while I"m thinking "Yeah right , I'm not waiting by the phone". For some reason, down the line she got cold feet.

 

I would've taken the hint at: "I'll let you know". Uh Ok. You DO that. lol

. Funny thing is with the one in a previous situation she COULDN'T resist having her legit excuse made known to me when I didn't even ask for any as I already took the hint off her replies a week previous. She became sick, lost her voice which I know was true, yet couldn't text me to let me know nor made a counter offer.

 

That's what's known as having a make yourself look good in a group excuse as your excuse is legit yet wait till last minute to "let them know" but offer no counter offer which gives the person another non needed hint not to ask them again. (It's not for you. They could care less if you move on unless something big knocks down their comfort zone and they play games again. It's more of a "good look" for themselves. Period.)

 

I'd almost felt like telling her I knew you weren't going to go off of your first reply a week ago. No need to go through all that work since I took the hint and never planned on asking you again. But "thanks" for letting me know. It isn't even worth mentioning you know their game. You let them have their "good look" and don't bother with them again as they wish.

 

I think she may be a bit socially inept because every since she finished her Master's degree and her and her co-horts / students parted ways she's made no new friends, well, except for the one that introduced me to her.

 

But it sounds like she's not willing to start new friendships much less a dating relationship.

 

Don't make excuses for her. She'll damn well surprise you when she makes (or may have already made) a new "friend".

 

Don't believe your own excuses for her.

Edited September 28, 2013 by sickpuppy

[irc333]

Well, just found out she just wants to remain "Meetup friends" for now, so meeting outside of Meetup events is something she isn't willing to explore * shrug *

[sickpuppy]

Well, just found out she just wants to remain "Meetup friends" for now, so meeting outside of Meetup events is something she isn't willing to explore * shrug *

 

 

So remain meetup friends for now while looking for someone else. She seems to want the same thing.

[SJC2008]

IMO she was never interested to begin with but don't worry about it, it happens to most everyone. She either looked at it as a platonic networking possiblity or didn't want to be in an awkward situation and say no to giving you her phone number on the spot. So when you asked her out she said yes and flaked until you gave up/pressed her and she meetup FZ'd you which she should of done to begin with. The only other possibilty I see is that she changed her mind after talking to you on the phone a few times.

 

Either way, don't get caught up in the "What did I do wrong" mind set. It will make you more and more insrecure. If a woman is interested in you she'll cut you a lot of slack, more than you think. I dated a woman a couple years ago and almost ruined things with her when I took a flirty text the wrog way and told her something along the lines of 'If you don't like me just tell me'. Well, I had to work a little to put the fire out but she let it slide. If she was neutral or less about me do you think I would of gotten another chance?

 

In the end, try to read between the lines. Her "tentative" line was a rejection because it wasn't followed by a "If I can't do it are you free x day". No woman with an average or higher IQ is going to phuk up a chance of going out with a guy they're interested in which is why I disagree with the banter examples. Sure banter is good when there's chemistry and such but you shouldn't have to banter someone into a date from the jump.

[irc333]

Yeah, the only thing that gave me the go ahead to think she's seriously interested was her friend.

 

HER friend is also MY friend. I was telling her "The friend you brought to the party, she was fun"

 

 

And she responded, "Yeah, she did take a liking to you to, you should give her a call."

 

Then, after all that transpired, I told her what happened and even SHE was confused about it. She could've sworn her friend was interested.

 

 

IMO she was never interested to begin with but don't worry about it, it happens to most everyone. She either looked at it as a platonic networking possiblity or didn't want to be in an awkward situation and say no to giving you her phone number on the spot. So when you asked her out she said yes and flaked until you gave up/pressed her and she meetup FZ'd you which she should of done to begin with. The only other possibilty I see is that she changed her mind after talking to you on the phone a few times.

 

Either way, don't get caught up in the "What did I do wrong" mind set. It will make you more and more insrecure. If a woman is interested in you she'll cut you a lot of slack, more than you think. I dated a woman a couple years ago and almost ruined things with her when I took a flirty text the wrog way and told her something along the lines of 'If you don't like me just tell me'. Well, I had to work a little to put the fire out but she let it slide. If she was neutral or less about me do you think I would of gotten another chance?

 

In the end, try to read between the lines. Her "tentative" line was a rejection because it wasn't followed by a "If I can't do it are you free x day". No woman with an average or higher IQ is going to phuk up a chance of going out with a guy they're interested in which is why I disagree with the banter examples. Sure banter is good when there's chemistry and such but you shouldn't have to banter someone into a date from the jump.