lana_998 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years now. We were both virgins when we first met in high school, and have only slept with each other ever since. We started having sex around 1 year into the relationship, and for the next 2-3 years, we had sex on a consistent basis-- around once or twice a week. However, nowadays he doesn't seem to be interested in having sex anymore. We have sex maybe once a month, if I am lucky. I know he is definitely a horny guy and loves to masturbate; he tells me that he masturbates a few times a week. I also know he finds me attractive; he tells me I am beautiful all the time. We make out and have "foreplay." He likes to playfully touch, tease, and grab me throughout the day. It seems like we do everything BUT the actual act itself, and I am very confused as to why that is?
Copelandsanity Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 1) How is the quality of sex? Before when it was consistent and now? 2) If he says he masturbates a few times a week, he probably does it twice as much or more. 5 years is a long time. You guys might need to spice it up by experimenting sexually. Ask him what he enjoys masturbating to. Find out what really turns him on.
soccerrprp Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Another possibility is that he has lost his mojo. In other words, perhaps he's suffering from performance anxiety. Does he last long when you two have sex? Does and/or you seem satisfied afterwards? Ask him. Talk about it. And, omg, 5-years! What's the hold-up? Why are you two still just bf and gf? 1
salparadise Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 If he's masturbating a lot (relatively) but not going for sex even though the intimacy seems pretty good, then chances are there is an emotional barrier. What kind of birth control are you using? Could fear of pregnancy or dislike of condoms be part of it? Does he have trouble finishing or staying hard? Do you make him feel like a stud when you do have sex? Do you have orgasms from coitus? Has he tried to do things, or suggested things that you've made off limits? Do the two of you talk about f*ucking and what makes you crazy or is there some inhibition? Any of these things, or a combination several things could be zapping his enthusiasm. I also think you should try and change (spice) things up a bit but knowing exactly how is the key––you want it to feel natural, not contrived. You want to genuinely bring out his aggressive, animalistic instincts.
lionoftheforum Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 (edited) I also know he finds me attractive; he tells me I am beautiful all the time. As any smart man would do... We know how delicate you are... Doesn’t matter. In the short term he’s doing the right thing appeasing you (I can’t tell if you're open to constructive criticism or not. Point here is, if the receiver breaks down under feedback they would rather not hear, you have a communication problem). However that doesn’t necessarily mean he means it. I’d suggest observing his actions for awhile. Point is, don’t place so much emphasis on words right now, look for other trends that are linked with what you see as his changing attitude. They are more telling. This next section might be hard for you... Don't take it personally. You weren’t open about your physical state. As a male who has eaten right and has exercised my entire life… I expect the same from my partners. I’ll bring up the elephant in the room. Is your physique the best that it can be? This is extremely important for men. A lot of females go soft if they feel secure in their LTR because they think it’s safe to do so. If that’s you, I’d suggest thinking about that. He won’t tell you that directly, because he can’t. You’ll know if you are or are not. No need to bring it up to him. He’s young and time rich. That means he has time to explore options. I liked the chase too. Does he? 5 years with one person would be a long time for a young man like me. The point is, we only have so much youth. If he feels he can do better, he might try. Some of us like risk, safety kills us inside. I hope that makes sense… It may not apply to your situation. Love it or hate it, it's certainly worth thinking about because all worthwhile males will have an exploratory side to them (females do love and hate it at the same time). I hope you figure issues out. Cheers. Edited September 25, 2013 by lionoftheforum
soccerrprp Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Very few men can be sexually satisfied with one woman for a long period of time. They are wired for sexual variety. There has been research done on this and the only true way to alleviate a man's boredom with you sexually is for him to get a fresh vagina. He probably isnt as in love with you as you are with him or hes grown tired of screwing you. Wish someone would have informed me men get sick of the same vagina no matter what you do/no matter how you act towards them eons ago. Really? How about if you, OP, try new and fresh things with him. I was married for 12+ years and didn't think I needed a new vagina to keep me sexually interested.
Keenly Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 (edited) Be cause you were his FIRST, and its been five years. The guy , whether consciously or subconsciously , is craving something new and exciting. Edited September 25, 2013 by Keenly 1
Quiet Storm Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Very few men can be sexually satisfied with one woman for a long period of time. They are wired for sexual variety. There has been research done on this and the only true way to alleviate a man's boredom with you sexually is for him to get a fresh vagina. He probably isnt as in love with you as you are with him or hes grown tired of screwing you. Wish someone would have informed me men get sick of the same vagina no matter what you do/no matter how you act towards them eons ago. I've been with my husband 22 years and he still wants it. We just do things that make it interesting, role play, make movies, smoke a blunt every once in a while. It doesn't have to be boring. I do keep myself in good shape...do lots of squats & lunges to keep my booty right. I don't eat many carbs. Just come right out and ask him. That's what I would do. Tell him you really miss it.
StanMusial Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Tell him to put a ring on it and to tap that.
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