Do intimate memories bother you?

[tkp]

lately, i have been getting these strong intimate memories, how intimate i was with her (i could never know that i could be so intimate with someone) and how special it was. i can write lengths of paragraphs but i hope i convey what i mean.

 

the memories haunt me in the night specially, before i go to bed and sometimes early in the morning. every small thing/talk comes rushing to me of those moments. This is the hardest factor i am finding to get over let alone the other feelings.

 

does this also happen with you? how do you combat this? i feel bad because this has the potential to keep dragging me back to where i started from.

[Oldcatskinner]

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. It did not bother me until I came to the realization that the relationship was over.

 

For a period of at least a month, I would dream about her and the physically intimate moments we shared. That was rough. From what I've researched, this has to do with the oxytocin, seratonin, and dopamine chemicals that the body makes when in physically intimate situations.

 

Like you, I never knew I could be that intimate with somebody. For me, what made the physical intimacy so special was that I connected emotionally with her as well.

 

What helped me get through this was taking a scientific approach: I equated the physical wants due to the chemical withdrawals in my body, and within a few weeks, there were no more dreams.

 

As a word of caution, I would strongly urge you not to seek out physical intimacy with someone else while going through this withdrawal from your ex. All you are searching for is a feeling, which will be fleeting and you will crave it again. I've heard it said that "The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone", and I do believe it is to satiate these body chemical processes. Also, if you pleasure yourself, don't do it to your ex. This creates a false bond as you are still equating the image of your ex to physical pleasure, and your body chemicals won't know the difference between the image of your ex and your ex.

[AnyaNova]

Absolutely they do. I keep remembering how safe and secure and wonderful I felt with him while making out. I keep thinking about how much I really enjoyed being underneath him, how secure and enveloped and wonderful I felt.

 

How there was this spot on his lower back, and another underneath his shoulder that if I rubbed just right, would really get him going,and how happy it made me to be able to do that for him.

 

How he started out really not being a very good kisser at all, but was beginning to make marked progress in that area.

 

How he'd look at me when I stroked his jawline with my fingers (and it didn't tickle). How he'd look at me when it did tickle and grab my hand with a smile on his face.

 

How at the beginning we were such klutzes (never had this particular issue before) and so we kept knocking teeth. And then, once that went away, though, he would every once in a while on purpose, gently knock my teeth as a little gesture.

 

How I loved to be beneath him, running my fingers through his hair.

 

Yes. I try and banish these thoughts as well. But nights especially are difficult.

Edited September 25, 2013 by AnyaNova