Chris715 Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Sorry to sound like a broken record you guys, but it's another one of those nights. My depression's only gotten worse since I've cut off complete contact from my ex like a week or two ago (has it really been that long? seriously lost track of time) Today was even a good day by my standards. Went to all my classes, had a nice talk with a girl I've met in one of them, but still, same old feelings of anxiety and depression all day. I feel way, way too embarrassed to talk to family or friends about this, even though I know I shouldn't be. I've been putting on the happy act for my family for pretty much the entirety of this year and I'm not sure how much my parents would care anyway. My friends know all the stuff with my ex has been bothering me, but I don't think they know the extent of it. And I've been acting happier around them too, so they probably think I'm over it by now. Ever feel like you're so deep down in a rut that climbing out is impossible? Pretty much what I'm feeling right now. Just needed to vent I guess.
Oldcatskinner Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Hey Chris, I have questions for you: Is your family nurturing and loving? Are you afraid of talking to them because you don't trust them or it is just because you are embarrassed?
Author Chris715 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Hey Chris, I have questions for you: Is your family nurturing and loving? Are you afraid of talking to them because you don't trust them or it is just because you are embarrassed? It's a mix to be honest. I had a good family life with them growing up but over the last year or two I've found myself fighting with them more, growing apart, etc. And yeah, embarrassment is a big factor, I can admit that. My younger brother had problems with depression and OCD growing up and I would always say to myself "I won't let myself become that way". So yeah, it's hugely embarrassing to me, almost like a dirty secret.
Oldcatskinner Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Thank you for the response. You have admitted that you are depressed, and that you are afraid of talking to your parents due to embarrassment. The key thing here is that you need to go find someone you can trust, and can point you in the right way. Mustering up the courage to do that can be hard, but you will be proud of yourself for rising to meet this challenge. 1
Reels Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Yes chris715, whenever you will feel alone, you will think about your first true love. I think you probably thought of her for a long time, so obviously you won't forget her, even if it's the last day of your life.
Author Chris715 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Yes chris715, whenever you will feel alone, you will think about your first true love. I think you probably thought of her for a long time, so obviously you won't forget her, even if it's the last day of your life. Gee that's good to know. Guess I get to look forward to a life of painful memories.
JoelBarish Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Gee that's good to know. Guess I get to look forward to a life of painful memories. I think that Reels is telling you that the memories may not always be painful. Imagine you are an old person in a rest home. All you have is your memories to look back on. Would you rather look back on a life that didn't have love in it just because you don't like dealing with the loss? Remember, every relationship ends. Even if you get married young and live 70 years with the person you love, eventually one person dies and the other is left alone. I am not trying to depress you more. I just want you to understand that loss is a part of life and you should cherish whatever love comes into your life and at the end of the day, memories will be all you have left so make lots of good ones. 2
AnyaNova Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Have you considered trying to find a good therapist? I know it can be hard to find one who is good, fits well with you, and that you can afford, but it is well worth the effort since talk therapy improves outlook over meds alone with depression. Also, there is a depression treatment model based on Paleolithic living that involves specific amounts of exer use, sunlight, social interaction among other things. I can find a link to it and the book if you are interested. It hurts right now. I know and I'm sorry. Just know that we hurt too and that you are not alone.
Author Chris715 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Have you considered trying to find a good therapist? I know it can be hard to find one who is good, fits well with you, and that you can afford, but it is well worth the effort since talk therapy improves outlook over meds alone with depression. Also, there is a depression treatment model based on Paleolithic living that involves specific amounts of exer use, sunlight, social interaction among other things. I can find a link to it and the book if you are interested. It hurts right now. I know and I'm sorry. Just know that we hurt too and that you are not alone. I'm still on my parent's health insurance (I'm only 22) so any therapist I would get would have to be through them. And any links/books that you think might help I'll take a look at. Really grasping at straws right now as to what I should do.
AnyaNova Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Therapeutic Lifestyle Change (TLC) | University of Kansas The program is called therapeutic lifestyle change. KU is where this program originated from. I believe on the website there is a link to a book you can buy that outlines the whole program. If you are taking any classes at a University right now, I bet you could get steeply discounted therapy for a really low price, and all without your parents ever knowing, if need be. I strongly encourage you to find a way to get some counseling, because it in combination with the TLC will be much more effective. I wish right now, a little bit, that I was more of a touchy feely person than I am. I wish I could offer you a hug. But even online, I just can't bring myself to hug someone I don't know well. Take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself.
Author Chris715 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 It's been almost a year since our break up and give or take 3 weeks since I went full NC (no texts, calls, Skype, Facebook, nothing) And honestly I'm just feeling worse and worse as time goes on. I feel like my future is completely hollow and worthless. I realize now it's unhealthy to revolve your life around another person but that's exactly what I did while we were together, making my present and future all about her and assuming we'd always be together. I have a big test in a college class tomorrow and I should be pulling an all nighter and studying right now, but honestly what's the point? I go and graduate and get my engineering degree and get a good job, big whoop. I'll still be lonely and miserable and she will be no closer to back in my life, degree or no degree. This thought process has dominated me lately and I'm relating it to everything I should be doing to stay productive. Feels like motivation and getting back on track is impossible at this point 1
AnnaAnna Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I know how you feel when it comes talking to my family about all the things I am going through. I don't think they understand my pain. I have tried talking to them and what I get is omg, I can't believe you would let somebody like that make you feel so bad. I hope you find somebody who will listen and be there for you. It's important to talk about it with people you trust.Stay strong my dear!
Author Chris715 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I know how you feel when it comes talking to my family about all the things I am going through. I don't think they understand my pain. I have tried talking to them and what I get is omg, I can't believe you would let somebody like that make you feel so bad. I hope you find somebody who will listen and be there for you. It's important to talk about it with people you trust.Stay strong my dear! Exactly. Everyone thinks your a whining drama queen if you bring up depression, problems with your ex, everything. I'm so done with all this ****. Life loves to keep piling it on for me. No one to turn to, situation is completely hopeless now. I'm just done 1
AnnaAnna Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Exactly. Everyone thinks your a whining drama queen if you bring up depression, problems with your ex, everything. I'm so done with all this ****. Life loves to keep piling it on for me. No one to turn to, situation is completely hopeless now. I'm just done I am so sorry you are feeling that way because I know how much it hurts. I tried talking to my friends and I think they are tired of listening to me. They are avoiding me every chance they get. My sister stoped answering my calls and says she's busy. Not being able to talk to somebody about your feelings it's the worst feeling in the world. When you need people to be there and they are not you can't help but feel alone and depressed. Every time they needed me, I was there but now I have no body. It's a shame that we have to turn to strangers and message boards for some kind of relief!
Author Chris715 Posted October 1, 2013 Author Posted October 1, 2013 I am so sorry you are feeling that way because I know how much it hurts. I tried talking to my friends and I think they are tired of listening to me. They are avoiding me every chance they get. My sister stoped answering my calls and says she's busy. Not being able to talk to somebody about your feelings it's the worst feeling in the world. When you need people to be there and they are not you can't help but feel alone and depressed. Every time they needed me, I was there but now I have no body. It's a shame that we have to turn to strangers and message boards for some kind of relief! It's like anyone who isn't hurting can't be bothered to reach out and help those that are, at least from my experience. Exact same thing with my ex. She was depressed for like a year straight, I reach out and am there for her EVERY day, staying up all night with her when she can't sleep even with school and work the next day, making sure she gets to a hospital when she's suicidal, ****ing everything I can possibly do. She breaks up with me but "still loves me" and "wants to be friends". I hit a depression around that time and I stupidly turn to her for help and what happens? "I'm sorry, I can't be there for you because you're making me depressed again." Thanks a ****ing lot. So just like you yeah, here I am trying to find someone, anyone who can relate to me out of a bunch of strangers on a message board.
AnnaAnna Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 One thing I never understood was how people can say they love you and care about you but when you need them they are not there for you. My love is unconditional. My love has no limits. If I love you I will fight for you. I will fight with you. No matter what you are going through we will do it together. But I guess not everybody feels the same way I do. Some people only love you when they need something. Life really sucks! People suck! We have to learn to put ourselves first. But than when you do that you are considered selfish and self centered. What the hell?! I can never win! Stay strong and don't give up the fight! This too shall pass! 2
JoelBarish Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 One thing I never understood was how people can say they love you and care about you but when you need them they are not there for you. My love is unconditional. My love has no limits. If I love you I will fight for you. I will fight with you. No matter what you are going through we will do it together. But I guess not everybody feels the same way I do. Some people only love you when they need something. Life really sucks! People suck! We have to learn to put ourselves first. But than when you do that you are considered selfish and self centered. What the hell?! I can never win! Stay strong and don't give up the fight! This too shall pass! Yeah, I don't understand it either. As long as they want something from you such as love or a relationship they treat a person wonderfully. As soon as they no longer want those things they treat you like garbage and kick you to the curb. How can a person change so rapidly? One minute they are caring and thoughtful, then the next minute they are cold as ice. It's like they only pretended to be that caring person. And when the relationship ends they take off the mask and show you who they really are and that person is now unrecognizable to you. GRRRR
AnnaAnna Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 Yeah, I don't understand it either. As long as they want something from you such as love or a relationship they treat a person wonderfully. As soon as they no longer want those things they treat you like garbage and kick you to the curb. How can a person change so rapidly? One minute they are caring and thoughtful, then the next minute they are cold as ice. It's like they only pretended to be that caring person. And when the relationship ends they take off the mask and show you who they really are and that person is now unrecognizable to you. GRRRR So true! People play too many mind games and we are left to suffer while they go on with their lives like nothing happened. I hope karma bites them in the a**'! 2
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