lifestyle1 Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Just reading a few posts and this got me upset. Those partners that leave, but leave you hanging. Mine left on a Saturday and packed up his car with boxes. He said he would return on Monday for the rest which I left in the garage. Monday came and went. He is staying at his brothers and was looking for a new place, but has options where he could put his stuff. He commented that , "Didn't I realize that by him not taking his belongings, that he wanted to work things out?" then layed out guilt, how I moved things around and changed things once he was gone. He tried to point out that HE didn't take the ACTION, but I DID, by moving stuff around when he left. Talk about mixed signals. If you don't want to leave, then put your macho bull**** away and TALK. He says he didn't want to leave, but when I DID what I did, it hurt so much that he left in a huff of anger. We had a now empty 4th bdrm and I moved my 6yr old into it. It was empty-geez. He says he wants to work on things, but then tells me he gave a deposit and a year lease on a place. I asked him to re-consider and get his deposit back. He says he doesnt want to lose out on $2400, but thinks they will refund him his deposit and maybe he would lose out on the months rent. SO I advised him to call and ask, maybe they would willingly refund? He tells me, no, they deposited the check. He says he's getting the keys after the credit check. I beleive this guy. However when I run into his mother, she volunteers that NO he didnt get the place. What the F*ck? This is typical.. It is called intimidating your partner, by threatening, or scaring them into submission. He wants me to think I LOST HIM- when he never had a place to go to anyway. It is this type of game playing that led to out demise. I am a straight shooter, and he wants to test my committment and loyalty to him, by playing these games. WHY DO MEN DO THIS? Today, I feel like he needs to decide, if he wants to make this work or he needs time to decide what he wants (its been 4yrs- 3yrs living together). I'm tired of this
bigacesteve Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Bloody hell lifestyle1 does this guy communicate via the medium of dance or something?? Has he tried using his mouth and voicebox? He moved some of his stuff out and this was a sign that he wanted to work things out??? I'm not surprised you're baffled. I think that sitting down and talking would have been a much better idea. Him storming out and taking his stuff sounds like an ACTION to me, not you changing some things around the house. Your 6 year old should get the room. Sounds like he's bluffing about this house he wants to lease. I think this bloke needs to grow up and decide what he wants. If he wants to be with you he needs to act like an adult and talk things through. If he doesn't want to stay with you he needs to take all of his stuff and leave you alone. Sounds like you've had the guilt trip routine a few times now. He's not trying to pressure you into giving him any money is he? Sounds strange that he tells you that his cheques cleared but his mother says that he didn't get his own place??? Why would he want to work on things with you but he's put a deposit and a year lease down? Just doesn't make any sense that.
Merin Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Aaaaggghhh! You know I think he is just playing MORE games.. wanting you to beg him to come home blah blah.. I dunno.. If you can afford the place on your own, I would probably just call his bluff and say "Okay, well it sounds like a great house.. you've got my number and know where I'll be IF you decide you would like to TALK about this relationship"
Weird Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 I'm with Merin on this one. This guy sounds like an immature chump.
Author lifestyle1 Posted November 26, 2004 Author Posted November 26, 2004 I hate feeling this way. So weak. snapping at my kids. Its 9:30 and he hasnt bothered to call even after I left a sorry-ass voicemail. I agree he is bluffing and/or using the time to figure out what it is he wants. Did I mention that he kept the $7000 I gave him to put in a safe deposit box (for a future house) saying that when he left he gave me a mattress, the fridge, didn;t take the things I bought him when he was in an apartment. He also built for me my office (he's a carpenter) and obviously didn't take any money from me back then, but now that we brok up = he figures he's going to re-coup. By the way I discovered this, when I asked him to return the $$ and he gave me excuses. I confronted him asking did you spend it? or are you holding it in case we broke up? I got my answer. Tell me again, what is so special about him? Why do I want this? How can I trust him-?
alphamale Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Originally posted by lifestyle1 He wants me to think I LOST HIM- when he never had a place to go to anyway. It is this type of game playing that led to out demise. I am a straight shooter, and he wants to test my committment and loyalty to him, by playing these games. WHY DO MEN DO THIS? Men do this cause they are forced to play the "game". And smart men who know how to keep their women around are good at playing this "game. Please do not tell me that women DON't also test commitment and loyalty on a regular basis from their man. Actually women are much better at they mind games then men are. I don't see too many men watching soap operas or other shows like them (desperate hoousewives, sex in the city, etc...) Also, I have not met very many women that are straight shooters. They all say they are straight shooters but very few are.
Author lifestyle1 Posted November 26, 2004 Author Posted November 26, 2004 ouch I guess couples model each other. If you treat with dignity and respect - you get it and if you play games- you are played.
alphamale Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Originally posted by lifestyle1 ouch I guess couples model each other. If you treat with dignity and respect - you get it and if you play games- you are played. IN general men that are good with women know how to push their buttons and make them emotional get them to FEEL FEEL FEEL. With women its all about the FEELINGS, both good and bad FEELINGs. You love and care for this dude and he is a trouble maker and this gets you excited and your blood boiling. He knows that to keep you around and keep you interested he has to keep you on this emotional roller coaster. See, if you were not attracted to this then you would have left him long ago.
Queen B Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale Please do not tell me that women DON't also test commitment and loyalty on a regular basis from their man. Okay I won't....but seriously if a healthy relationship is one where both partners' needs are acknowledged and met, then wouldn't you think that there should be an ongoing affirmation of love, committment and loyalty? it's not all over once you agree to date or say "I do" is it? While I don't think it's fair to constantly manipulate people, I do wonder if less people would "test" if they felt that their needs were acknowledged, and if they felt loved and needed. Just a thought...
alphamale Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Originally posted by Queen B While I don't think it's fair to constantly manipulate people, I do wonder if less people would "test" if they felt that their needs were acknowledged, and if they felt loved and needed. Just a thought... Manipulating and testing people is a female invention that most women are quite adept at. A minority of men are also good at it, and these are the men that are good in dealing with women. The vast majority of men I know are pretty straight fwd dudes who are fairly simple and naive when it comes to these types of games.
Merin Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale Manipulating and testing people is a female invention
Author lifestyle1 Posted November 27, 2004 Author Posted November 27, 2004 How did you get so cynical? It sounds like all your cards are stacked against the femal persuasion. I know of few men that are in touch with their feelings let alone capable of emoting. Where did you come from? Maybe I should head back home..
Weird Posted November 27, 2004 Posted November 27, 2004 Off topic but I am a guy and I like Sex & The City. The show is quite funny and watching it makes me so thankful I am not dealing with women like that. If I ever get down about being single all I have to do is watch it or see that airhead Jessica Simpson on newlyweds (a show I don't watch but have caught pieces of) and then I go back to being happy about my stauts.
Merin Posted November 27, 2004 Posted November 27, 2004 Originally posted by Weird Off topic but I am a guy and I like Sex & The City. The show is quite funny and watching it makes me so thankful I am not dealing with women like that. If I ever get down about being single all I have to do is watch it or see that airhead Jessica Simpson on newlyweds (a show I don't watch but have caught pieces of) and then I go back to being happy about my stauts.
Recommended Posts