To grovel or not to grovel?

[Minneloa]

Actually, you do control whether you look at her Twitter. You, not her. In fact, the only thing we can control in this life is ourselves. So, you can take responsibility for your own actions, or you can continue in this tailspin of blaming her for something (Twitter posts) that you can avoid and ignore.

[Zahara]

I had a relationship with a man that would go silent when we had conflict. He dissappeared once for nearly 1.5 months. That was the longest. I did break the silence twice and tried to nudge him to communicate. But he didn't. I went through so much pain. The silence was torture.

 

I felt that he didn't love me anymore. I soon accepted as the weeks were going by that it was a break-up and he was gone. My feelings started to change. I started growing resentful and angry then I'd be hurt and sad. But towards the end, I wanted to be done with it and didn't want to be with someone that could treat me that way. By the time he contacted me, and when he did he was apologetic and wanting the relationship back again, my feelings had changed. My feelings had dulled and I was at that point determined to move on.

 

What I'm trying to tell you is that feelings can change, especially when someone feels wronged, hurt and confused. What felt good, now feels bad and when that happens, it can change someone emotionally.

 

You can't just say, "Oh if she loved me she would forgive and accept me back." It doesn't work that way.

Edited September 27, 2013 by Zahara

[lylat333]

She just doesn't want to stick it out when the s*** hits the fan.

 

...

 

I'm the one who was always there for her, when the s*** hit the fan.

This coming from the person who stone-cold ignored her for a month. That's a damn long time man when she was pouring her heart out to you. You were NOT always there for her, and you won't learn from this breakup if you shift all of the blame to her, or 98% of it as you are.

 

I can't help but check her Twitter, she was my first love and I'm still in love with her. I don't think she believes that I am. I don't want to go NC on her twitter then cave in and check a whole weeks worth.

Total copout. What was that about discipline being one of your greatest strengths? You are making the choice to check her twitter and you can help it. I "couldn't help but check" my ex's FB when we were still friends... First it was every 10-15 min. then I would go 3-4 days and check it when I felt ready. By leaving that option in my mind to "check it when I feel ready" it's only a matter of time until I gave in. Thankfully I never saw anything that shattered my heart, but it would have happened if I kept checking it into the coming weeks/months.

 

But then I made the choice to block her. (though her twitter is public you can implement a personal, unbreakable block) I know exactly what you mean about waiting and then not wanting to go and see a week's or more worth of stuff - which makes me not want to check it that much more. I know I could get info through a friend or at least see her current profile/cover photo by bringing her page up anonymously, but I don't want to. I really don't need the images in my head to **** with my healing and me keep me from living my life.

[lylat333]

feelings can change, especially when someone feels wronged, hurt and confused. What felt good, now feels bad and when that happens, it can change someone emotionally.

 

You can't just say, "Oh if she loved me she would forgive and accept me back." It doesn't work that way.

It hurts to read this but it's true. My ex told me near the end she used to always look forward to my messages but it got to where she said she didn't feel good seeing them come in her FB inbox anymore. I didn't understand it, I didn't feel like much had changed and things were OK. Looking back I think she was going through confusion and hurt during our limbo period I didn't go through. She got to the point where she didn't want it in her life anymore, and that was basically the end. I never wanted to believe she was going through the "breaking up for months" thing because I thought we still loved each other, she even told me she did a few weeks before we ceased contact.

 

We knew the limbo period wasn't doing us any good, I wanted to get out of it too. My breakup has shown me to not underestimate the pain of the uncertain times for people. I regret putting her through pain I may not have realized was taking place and now I feel she doesn't understand the pain I have gone through since we ceased contact.

[Zahara]

He would text me everyday and I so looked forward to it. When he went silent, I would check my phone every hour, everyday. I was starving for communication. I was going nuts. Even when I broke the silence, I got nothing back. It hurt me so bad. But it very slowly changed. I wasn't checking my phone anymore and even when I thought about it, I'd just shrug it off. My feelings were evolving. I remember waking up one morning and wanting to get my grocery list from my notes in my phone, and there was the text. I looked at it and went, "Ugh, why? Now you text?" If he had sent it to me a week after we fought, I would have been all over it. But 1.5 months later, I was moving on. I was drained from all the emotional turmoil I endured waiting for something, anything. That waiting killed all those good emotions and I was left with nothing.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Minneloa - It's not that easy, the twitter is there to be looked at, she shouldn't be sharing every last intimate detail of her life on it.

 

I was never nudged to communicate and she clearly wasn't in that much pain, I know because I saw her twitter. If she really didn't want to be ignored she'd of tried to communicate as well. That e-mail she sent me was all about her, she never asked how I was feeling after the fight. I know she was drunk when she wrote it anyways from twitter, I also know she regretted sending it.

 

I don't think she's dumped me because of that anymore. It's not because I can't accept her for who she is either. It's because she can't accept me for who I am! I don't fit into her new lifestyle, I don't have tattoos, piercings, drink and smoke. She is the one that can't accept me! This is all about her. The amount of attention seeking crap she posts on twitter is annoying to read. It's like she's the only one that matters.

 

She should of stopped posting crap on twitter, and told me what's on her mind. She makes out on twitter like I'm some controlling monster because I didn't agree with her getting a tattoo. So what does she do, she cuts me dead because she can't have a boyfriend who likes tattoos. She's got it in her head that I held her back, but I've already explained to her about this.

 

She isn't willing to compromise with me in the e-mails she just left me hanging and blocked me because she doesn't want to deal with the pain I now have to endure. She ignored me for two weeks so she is no better than me!

 

It was easy for me to ignore her when she's slagging me off on twitter! I'm gonna send her one last e-mail about this. I just want to get it off my chest and say it was her that caused the doubts in this relationship. Not gonna lie I hope it might make her change her mind but I don't think it will. I'm burning the bridges here. The only reason I don't want to do this is it gives her immense power over me, she could start posting things like "mmmm it's been a while I need that last night".

 

Let's face it she's already broke my heart and blocked me out, I've got nothing else to lose. If I don't tell her about this it'll drive me nuts.

 

I was with her for nearly eights years, she's prepared to throw it all away because she chose a tattoo and a lifestyle over me. After seven years she's telling me there is NOTHING to save? She's ignoring me now for two weeks, I'm in more pain than she was because I know it's over for good and I can't even contact her. At least she could of tried to contact me. No she made this decision all on her own without me. It's sickening to see her write things like "best I've ever felt in my entire life" on twitter. Whilst I feel completely lost and broken.

 

But yet I still want her back, she cheated on me in the past. I still took her back, I gave her a 2nd chance. Love does come into play here. This isn't irreparable.

 

Now I realize she was the one who held me back for seven years. I hope the next guy is an ass and I hope he gets on her mums nerves. She needs a life lesson to realize how good I was to her. She gets everything handed to her on a plate, she's under her mums thumb at all times. Her mum just bought her a house for £125k so I'm pretty sure her mum has had a big word with her about me. She's probably told her to find herself! Go out and have fun live her life.

Edited September 27, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, stop communicating with her. Please. Stop being that guy.

[Minneloa]

I agree that self-control is difficult, but it's the only control we have, so I think it's worth the effort. You need to take a step back, breathe, and acknowledge that at this moment in time, you are torturing yourself. You, not her! All of this rehashing of the past and continued contact only hurts you; it doesn't affect or change anything about her. You can choose to stop. You can choose to let go.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I can communicate with her if I want, she gets to do what she wants.

 

Yeah she CAN post whatever she wants on twitter. She doesn't stop to think I might read it though.

 

How am I a control freak? I'm the complete opposite. Because I look at her twitter? We live 260 miles away, her online presence made me feel close to her, I never tried to control her twitter. Everyone does it, nobody dare admit it.

 

I ignored her in the relationship if we had a fight and wasn't talking to each other. She does it to me too, i'ts because we're stubborn not manipulating. I genuinely didn't want to talk to her, specially after the crap she posted on twitter.

 

I'm still gonna tell her about the twitter stuff. I'll be glad it's off my mind finally, I've been wanting to tell her for a long time but I don't want to come across as a stalker. But now I realize it's pretty normal to look at your partners social websites, everyone does it.

 

I don't care about breaking no contact, she's not coming back anyways. I've even got her tweet screenshotted with her old picture from last year so she knows I'm not BS. I'm not even gonna tell her what the tweet was. Let her sweat over it like she's making me sweat right now. If she cares at all she will go back and try and find out what it was. If she tries and asks me about it I'll just say no why should I tell you, you cut my out your life.

 

I can't stop looking at her twitter, yeah I know it's the new form of self-harm but she puts everything out there. It's kind of comforting reading her twitter because I some of the things she tweets makes me wonder why I'm not over here already in the first place. It's also funny because she's not changed one bit like she thinks she has. She's still the same childish, immature, attention seeking person and she's suppose to of grown up?

Edited September 27, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Yeah right, she's the selfish one. Why should I show her respect when she's the one who's selfish? She clearly has no love or consideration for me. She give me one week to get over it and I can bet she wouldn't of replied. Then she blocks me for good, where's the respect for me?

 

She didn't even have the respect to tell me a straight forward reason for breaking-up. She didn't compromise at all, it was all about her. She broke up with me because she can't accept me for who I am, then tries to turn it around by saying I can't accept her. She can't even accept herself!

[Minneloa]

Going out in a blaze of glory, eh? Well, good luck cleaning the remnants of your self-respect off the floor once the futility sinks in. At this point, you are essentially charging at windmills, ala Don Quixote.

 

Folks here have tried to give you perspective on why your behavior is erratic, self-destructive, and disrespectful to your ex, yet you persist in your own campaign of obsessive contact and rehash.

 

And please stop yammering on and on about Twitter. This isn't about social media, It's about your inability to accept what you do and do not have control over. (Hint: yourself, yes; everything else: NO!)

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Yeah why not? I've got nothing to lose anyways, she doesn't care about us, just herself. I don't care about my self-respect now, I don't even want her back now I've had time to realize why I was thinking about breaking up with her in the first place. At least if I send this e-mail, I know she knows why the relationship messed up. I'll say you wanna be careful what you write on twitter when you're in a relationship with someone.

 

She doesn't deserve any respect after what she's done to me. She's as bad as me by ignoring me for the last two weeks. She show's no remorse over it on twitter, she got what wanted. She just used this as the driving force. I'm pissed that she gets to go to sleep at night thinking this was all my doing. Eight years and she can't even give me a second chance, after all we shared. Because this isn't the reason she broke up with me! She had this planned way back with this new lifestyle, it's her who can't accept me anymore.

 

aspiringuitarheroine - Maybe your ex was, not me.

Edited September 27, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[MoooOinkBaaa]

If you don't want a personal attack don't give one.

No screw being the bigger person. She's broken my heart in two and blocked me out her life! This is about me getting something off my chest to help me move on. If she gets to move on so should I.

 

Twitter is the reason we aren't together anymore, it's the reason we had communication problems, it's the reason she pushed me away if we fell out. She was the one posting on there, I was merely looking, so this is her doing not mine.

 

I don't want her thinking I was just randomly distant, or I found it easy and she didn't. I want her to know the truth.

 

The only reason she's dumped me is so she can go out and live it up without feeling guilty. She's desperate for sex, I know by her twitter, as usual. She's left me hanging with half the door open knowing she can walk back if it all messed up, well I'm slamming that door shut for good.

Edited September 27, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[organizedchaos]

If you don't want a personal attack don't give one.

No screw being the bigger person. She's broken my heart in two and blocked me out her life! This is about me getting something off my chest to help me move on. If she gets to move on so should I.

 

Twitter is the reason we aren't together anymore, it's the reason we had communication problems, it's the reason she pushed me away if we fell out. She was the one posting on there, I was merely looking, so this is her doing not mine.

 

I don't want her thinking I was just randomly distant, or I found it easy and she didn't. I want her to know the truth.

 

The only reason she's dumped me is so she can go out and live it up without feeling guilty. She's desperate for sex, I know by her twitter, as usual. She's left me hanging with half the door open knowing she can walk back if it all messed up, well I'm slamming that door shut for good.

 

Then send the email and be done with it.

[Minneloa]

Twitter is the reason we aren't together anymore, it's the reason we had communication problems, it's the reason she pushed me away if we fell out. She was the one posting on their, I was merely looking, so this is her doing not mine.

 

Do you have any idea how absurd this sounds?

 

TWITTER IS NOT THE REASON YOU BROKE UP.

 

I give up.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Yeah I would take her, IF she wanted to be with me, but she doesn't does she. She clearly wants to throw away everything we had over one rough patch.

 

Why should I take it all on the chin? I'm not gonna be silent and let her think she can just walk all over me. I'm not gonna mope about with my life in pain whilst she is having the time of her life. If this is what I need to do to move on then so be it. I hope it plays torment on her mind wanting to know what the tweet was. I'm gonna erase the message in the screenshot. She'll know it's genuine from her old profile picture. She will know it must of been something serious if I've screen capped it.

 

She's the child posting hurtful things on twitter knowing I'll probably be reading it, especially after she cut off all contact with me. When I show people her twitter they don't even want to read it, it's that bad.

 

I don't need to learn from my mistakes, I already have. Love isn't being in a prison to someone else who doesn't give a damn about you. I did love her before she changed into what she is now. I don't think I can love someone who acts like she does.

[Minneloa]

I mean, take some damn responsibility here, son! PEOPLE make or break relationships, not inanimate technologies!

 

(I honestly cannot believe you are so adamant about blaming Twitter. The obsession is actually a little contagious. Twitter! Twitter! Twitter!)

 

Ok, NOW I give up.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

No she was contemplating on dumping me way before I ignored her. I've already explained and apologized about that too. I'd have no problem forgiving her if she did it to me. Specially during a hard time.

 

Also you could say she was ignoring me too, she never bothered to try and make amend. She sent one drunk e-mail that was all about her that was almost blackmailing, asking thing of me she knows I couldn't do at the time.

[Simon Phoenix]

I can communicate with her if I want, she gets to do what she wants.

 

Yeah she CAN post whatever she wants on twitter. She doesn't stop to think I might read it though.

 

How am I a control freak? I'm the complete opposite. Because I look at her twitter? We live 260 miles away, her online presence made me feel close to her, I never tried to control her twitter. Everyone does it, nobody dare admit it.

 

I ignored her in the relationship if we had a fight and wasn't talking to each other. She does it to me too, i'ts because we're stubborn not manipulating. I genuinely didn't want to talk to her, specially after the crap she posted on twitter.

 

I'm still gonna tell her about the twitter stuff. I'll be glad it's off my mind finally, I've been wanting to tell her for a long time but I don't want to come across as a stalker. But now I realize it's pretty normal to look at your partners social websites, everyone does it.

 

I don't care about breaking no contact, she's not coming back anyways. I've even got her tweet screenshotted with her old picture from last year so she knows I'm not BS. I'm not even gonna tell her what the tweet was. Let her sweat over it like she's making me sweat right now. If she cares at all she will go back and try and find out what it was. If she tries and asks me about it I'll just say no why should I tell you, you cut my out your life.

 

I can't stop looking at her twitter, yeah I know it's the new form of self-harm but she puts everything out there. It's kind of comforting reading her twitter because I some of the things she tweets makes me wonder why I'm not over here already in the first place. It's also funny because she's not changed one bit like she thinks she has. She's still the same childish, immature, attention seeking person and she's suppose to of grown up?

 

Why should she have to think about you when she Tweets? You're her ex-boyfriend -- she shouldn't have to give two sh*ts about what you think. And if you keep contacting her, you are going to turn into a frederikk type character, a guy who kept contacting and tormenting his ex out of denial, selfishness and stupidity until she got a restraining order against him. Don't go down that road. Take the high road and quit this now. Time to move forward.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I'm not blaming twitter, I'm blaming her for what she posted on twitter. Twitter was just the vessel that delivered it all.

 

Errr because it's not even been a day and she's posting things on there that could hurt me? At least give me a little time, a little consideration.

 

LOL, I'm contacting her one last time, I'm not at all like that. It's more of a before I go message. I'm pissed off she can do this, even after my apology and explanation. Someone she is suppose to love, she blocks me like that?

 

It's her who's left me asking all these stupid questions in my head. She left me with vague confusing reasons. I'm gonna put the truth out there what's really happened. This is about speaking the truth, it needs to be out. She's already blocked me and doesn't want to speak to me, I can't do any worse than I already have so why not let the truth out.

Edited September 28, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not blaming twitter, I'm blaming her for what she posted on twitter. Twitter was just the vessel that delivered it all.

 

Errr because it's not even been a day and she's posting things on there that could hurt me? At least give me a little time, a little consideration.

 

LOL, I'm contacting her one last time, I'm not at all like that. It's more of a before I go message. I'm pissed off she can do this, even after my apology and explanation. Someone she is suppose to love, she blocks me like that?

 

It's her who's left me asking all these stupid questions in my head. She left me with vague confusing reasons. I'm gonna put the truth out there what's really happened. This is about speaking the truth, it needs to be out.

 

Stop acting like a petulant child. Stop looking at her Twitter. Nothing you say will "burn" her or teach her a lesson -- it will further reinforce in her mind why she wants nothing to do with you. You can't win by acting like this.

 

And her reasons don't matter. Even if you know the real reasons, it won't do anything to bring her back. Seriously, you need to stop.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

If she cared she would be talking this through with me, she's done it sneakily and selfishly. Without telling me, so it's easy for her to do it. Then she's dumped it all on me and ran off! How selfish and childish can you get.

 

I don't wanna teach her a lesson, I just want her to know that she brought this on herself in the first place.

[Minneloa]

I'm not blaming twitter, I'm blaming her for what she posted on twitter. Twitter was just the vessel that delivered it all.

 

Errr because it's not even been a day and she's posting things on there that could hurt me? At least give me a little time, a little consideration.

 

LOL, I'm contacting her one last time, I'm not at all like that. It's more of a before I go message. I'm pissed off she can do this, even after my apology and explanation. Someone she is suppose to love, she blocks me like that?

 

You said: "Twitter is the reason we aren't together anymore.":o

 

More to the point, you keep insisting that you can't stay off social media. Well, you can. You are choosing not to, much to your detriment. This just keeps you in a toxic loop of self-torture, which YOU can end. YOU, not her.

 

But you've decided your course of action against all advice, so suit yourself.

[Simon Phoenix]

If she cared she would be talking this through with me, she's done it sneakily and selfishly. Without telling me, so it's easy for her to do it. Then she's dumped it all on me and ran off! How selfish and childish can you get.

 

I don't wanna teach her a lesson, I just want her to know that she brought this on herself in the first place.

 

She doesn't care. You are just making yourself out to be a jackass. You are basically helping her move forward and helping her justify her decision to dump you. When you act like an idiot, you are going to make other people think you are an idiot.

[Simon Phoenix]

You're as petulant and childish as she is.

 

I'd say more.