stillafool Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 I understand the pain of being betrayed and losing the one you love especially when they have moved on to someone else. For me, to imagine that secretly they are not happy with the new person is somewhat bitter thinking on my part and not healthy. Just because we weren't happy together does not mean they have not found that connection they were looking for with the new person. To imagine that the wayward partner is somehow suffering in silence and won't be any happier without me is bitter on my part and would keep me from healing. I would much rather think good they have found someone to love and I must do the same. This seems a much healthier attitude to take than hoping they are not really happy.
AnyaNova Posted September 29, 2013 Posted September 29, 2013 For me, though, it is not about bitterness, but about trying too see the reality. I think not only do we tend to idealize our own past relationships, but we also increase our own misery by idealizing the relationships our exes get into. It is just remembering that no relationship is perfect, not even theirs. That way we are not comparing our own pain and misery to an in unrealistic idealized version of our exes' supposed bliss. 1
Author dingaling Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 I understand the pain of being betrayed and losing the one you love especially when they have moved on to someone else. For me, to imagine that secretly they are not happy with the new person is somewhat bitter thinking on my part and not healthy. Just because we weren't happy together does not mean they have not found that connection they were looking for with the new person. To imagine that the wayward partner is somehow suffering in silence and won't be any happier without me is bitter on my part and would keep me from healing. I would much rather think good they have found someone to love and I must do the same. This seems a much healthier attitude to take than hoping they are not really happy. You know I don't care if he misses me or if I think he's happier without me. I don't care about that at all. I think he probably found his match in his new relationship, I gather she's not been faithful either. What bothers me is that fact he's happy at all which is childish and frustrating. Its a long complicated story. It's passing as each day goes by.
Author dingaling Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 For me, though, it is not about bitterness, but about trying too see the reality. I think not only do we tend to idealize our own past relationships, but we also increase our own misery by idealizing the relationships our exes get into. It is just remembering that no relationship is perfect, not even theirs. That way we are not comparing our own pain and misery to an in unrealistic idealized version of our exes' supposed bliss. You hit the nail on the head, I am guilty of idealising his new relationship. Nothing is ever perfect, I for one allowed people to think my marriage was made in heaven when in fact he was joining dating agencies, taking his wedding ring off and going out with condoms in his wallet. I have learned a lot over the last two years, I suppose this is another lesson to learn.
Mrs.Witter Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 You hit the nail on the head, I am guilty of idealising his new relationship. Nothing is ever perfect, I for one allowed people to think my marriage was made in heaven when in fact he was joining dating agencies, taking his wedding ring off and going out with condoms in his wallet. I have learned a lot over the last two years, I suppose this is another lesson to learn. There always is.... Just found out my ex is having another kid through facebook (I hate that site lol ) it pushed me back to a place that I'd moved on from. I then realized that I'd come a long way but I will always feel something about because it was my first taste of true betrayl it was a lesson . Im emotional on a good day never mind a bad one.
Jaysk Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I think this quote from William Gibson applies perfectly to your situation (and to that of many others): "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact; surrounded by *******s".
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