Ex getting married, feel humiliated

[dingaling]

My story is long, married my first boyfriend at 22, had children. I had low self esteem which was made worse by my ex. I never felt good enough, he was always looking else where. I wasn't strong enough to deal with it at the time but eventually something broke in me when he literally got caught with his trousers down. We tried counselling etc but he couldn't stop lying and I was in denial. I'm a different person now, since I asked him to leave and we divorced. I'm much stronger now. Or at least I thought I was.

 

He just announced this week that he's getting married to someone I know. He went to school with her, our kids are best friends. They've been together a matter of months. She knows some of what he's done in our marriage, philandering, joining dating sites etc. whilst I could never knowingly date someone who cheated, I can't understand her decision. He of course blames me entirely for his cheating so I know he'll have told her this. I do believe he has sociopathic tendencies. Very charming to the outside world.

 

Today I'm feeling humiliated. Like none of the past and what he did to me and our children matters. I'm tired and probably irrational but I need to get this out there. I know it will pass.

 

I'm trying so hard to not show the children how I feel, most of them are young adults/teens. It's exhausting.

 

Humiliation is a horrible emotion.

[dingaling]

No worries honey!

 

He announced he's getting married....when? Is there a date set? or is he full of ****/

Don't bother yourself with it. Let her have him........he wasn't right for you!

Let her put up with his ****!

 

Don't worry yourself over him and what he does, it's not worth the heartache.

You'll be just fine

 

 

Thank you! I just needed to hear some positivity:-)

[Mrs.Witter]

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I been there minus the children but I understand how u feel . My ex left me for a close friend (this chick was my maid of honor)and a matter of months she was pregnant which other friends hid from me because of my fragile state . That was 4 years ago and it still boggles my mind that it happened. You are human and a ****ing strong one at that (especially going through it with kids ) just let yourself feel . You will be ok she will have to deal with her own set of **** just like my ex's wife (Yes he married her as well ) . This reflects badly on them not us just remember that.

[dingaling]

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I been there minus the children but I understand how u feel . My ex left me for a close friend (this chick was my maid of honor)and a matter of months she was pregnant which other friends hid from me because of my fragile state . That was 4 years ago and it still boggles my mind that it happened. You are human and a ****ing strong one at that (especially going through it with kids ) just let yourself feel . You will be ok she will have to deal with her own set of **** just like my ex's wife (Yes he married her as well ) . This reflects badly on them not us just remember that.

 

It makes you wonder if their mothers are proud of them. They don't deserve happiness when they destroy others.

 

I just have to keep reminding myself of all the things he did. I don't love him and him leaving was a huge weight off my shoulders, I'm angry at myself for allowing myself to feel this way.

 

Waiting patiently for karma.

[Mrs.Witter]

Most of the time they can do no wrong in their moms eyes . As far as karma goes he will get it they all will. The trick isn't in waiting for it to get them its about healing enough that when it happens genuinely not caring . Oh I am waiting as well but I'm hoping by the time I get word of the devastation they will eventually put each other through all I will do is smirk.

[stillafool]

OP are you still in love with him?

[AnyaNova]

It is probably normal to feel that way. Take it slow, forgive yourself, do the best you can. And when you are ready, you find that healthy relationship that will make his paltry attempts look like the miserable shams that is all that he is able to put forward.

[Grumpybutfun]

ding:

I just wanted to share a couple of stories with you that I thought you might find interesting.

1. My wife's sister's husband cheated on her for twenty years. Had dates on craigslist, hooked up at bars, etc. My SIL tried to give him chance after chance until he finally just said he didn't love her anymore and left her. His philandering was common knowledge in the circles they ran in. Not only one, but two, of her circle dated him and both were cheated on, left with STDs and one with a baby but no father. One lost her husband who was a decent guy and a great provider and he got the kids and their house (she let him have them because she was going to live with ex-brotherinlaw and he didn't want her kids.) Both were left with nothing but herpes and a broken heart. I do not know why anyone would knowingly date a cheater. He is an alcoholic and has lost his job because without the SIL (who he said treated him like a child and wouldn't let him have any fun) he has reverted to being a sixteen year old who smokes weed, plays Xbox all day and drinks all the time. His reputation is in tatters and he is something of a joke now. This was a man that was once a well respected man who had everything going for him and his choices destroyed that.

 

2. Story 2 is about an old Navy acquaintance of mine. When we were Chiefs on a submarine together, he had a great little family with a good woman and two wonderful kids. He decided the grass was greener with a 24 year old (he was married 17 yrs at the time) and left his wife and family for her. The girl eventually spent him into a hole, molested his 16 yr old son who tried to commit suicide because of her and was discharged from the Navy for assault after he beat up her latest boyfriend.

 

They do get their comeuppance. You are so much better off without him that you should be grateful everyday that your ex-husband's drama is not playing in your theater anymore. The humiliation is all his...do not own it...let it go.

In Support,

Grumps

Edited September 25, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[JoelBarish]

Today I'm feeling humiliated. Like none of the past and what he did to me and our children matters. I'm tired and probably irrational but I need to get this out there.

 

Don't worry she will get a harsh dose of reality when she finds out what he is really like.

[dingaling]

OP are you still in love with him?

 

Thankfully not. The day I realised was such an amazing day. I felt so released by it. It was after yet another woman appeared on Facebook sending him Adele lyrics. I couldn't figure out why I didn't care.

 

I know people are being polite by congratulating them, no one is going to say what they really feel. I'm British and it's just not what we do lol! 92 comments on the post on Facebook, I have now blocked her posts, we weren't friends but we have mutual friends. I never even thought about it till I was caught out by it.

I guess I am hurting that it appears everyone is welcoming the man who ripped our family apart with open arms.

[dingaling]

ding:

I just wanted to share a couple of stories with you that I thought you might find interesting.

1. My wife's sister's husband cheated on her for twenty years. Had dates on craigslist, hooked up at bars, etc. My SIL tried to give him chance after chance until he finally just said he didn't love her anymore and left her. His philandering was common knowledge in the circles they ran in. Not only one, but two, of her circle dated him and both were cheated on, left with STDs and one with a baby but no father. One lost her husband who was a decent guy and a great provider and he got the kids and their house (she let him have them because she was going to live with ex-brotherinlaw and he didn't want her kids.) Both were left with nothing but herpes and a broken heart. I do not know why anyone would knowingly date a cheater. He is an alcoholic and has lost his job because without the SIL (who he said treated him like a child and wouldn't let him have any fun) he has reverted to being a sixteen year old who smokes weed, plays Xbox all day and drinks all the time. His reputation is in tatters and he is something of a joke now. This was a man that was once a well respected man who had everything going for him and his choices destroyed that.

 

2. Story 2 is about an old Navy acquaintance of mine. When we were Chiefs on a submarine together, he had a great little family with a good woman and two wonderful kids. He decided the grass was greener with a 24 year old (he was married 17 yrs at the time) and left his wife and family for her. The girl eventually spent him into a hole, molested his 16 yr old son who tried to commit suicide because of her and was discharged from the Navy for assault after he beat up her latest boyfriend.

 

They do get their comeuppance. You are so much better off without him that you should be grateful everyday that your ex-husband's drama is not playing in your theater anymore. The humiliation is all his...do not own it...let it go.

In Support,

Grumps

 

Wow, these men really make some peculiar life changing decisions that are unfathomable. Maybe I should write a book about all the things my ex did! Could probably right 500 page novel!

 

At least I don't have herpes........

[stillafool]

Thankfully not. The day I realised was such an amazing day. I felt so released by it. It was after yet another woman appeared on Facebook sending him Adele lyrics. I couldn't figure out why I didn't care.

 

I know people are being polite by congratulating them, no one is going to say what they really feel. I'm British and it's just not what we do lol! 92 comments on the post on Facebook, I have now blocked her posts, we weren't friends but we have mutual friends. I never even thought about it till I was caught out by it.

I guess I am hurting that it appears everyone is welcoming the man who ripped our family apart with open arms.

 

I know it hurts and I'm so sorry. I think you would be doing yourself a favor to stay off of Facebook and especially checking on what he's doing. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

[L1ght]

How can anyone hold on to feelings for an ex who is now being intimate with someone else?

I really don't understand it and personally this is the single biggest thing that makes me run a mile in the opposite direction.

There is no bigger sign that its completely over.

[JoelBarish]

How can anyone hold on to feelings for an ex who is now being intimate with someone else?

I really don't understand it and personally this is the single biggest thing that makes me run a mile in the opposite direction.

There is no bigger sign that its completely over.

 

I can only speak for myself here. My logical mind says to let go but my emotions are uncontrollable. I try really REALLY hard to control them, let them go or make them go away but it just doesn't work.

 

And for the record I don't actually KNOW my ex is with someone, I just assume it.

[L1ght]

I can only speak for myself here. My logical mind says to let go but my emotions are uncontrollable. I try really REALLY hard to control them, let them go or make them go away but it just doesn't work.

 

And for the record I don't actually KNOW my ex is with someone, I just assume it.

I'm lucky I guess because imagining an ex with someone else is so repulsive to me. That repulsion drives me to move in the complete opposite direction.

The only thing that will happen to someone that obsesses about an ex who has moved on with someone else is that the pain, confusion, disbelief, anger, frustration etc etc is gonna eat away at your soul.

Let it go.....and dance to a different tune.

 

P.S. I agree that ASSUMING its true is a very smart move to make. Speeds up the moving on process and you better believe that eventually they will definitely be with someone else.

Edited September 25, 2013 by L1ght

[JoelBarish]

Yeah maybe that's what I need to do - picture her with others. I know I assume she is with someone else but some small hope survives that I want to die off.

[AnyaNova]

Kill the hope by picturing him with others? Make myself feel the pain, anger, and jealousy?

 

Interesting idea.

[Copelandsanity]

Picture her dealing with his wandering eye, lying and cheating. There's a reason why you got divorced. Let her deal with this garbage.

[darkmoon]

if she asked you if he is all he seems, well, you know his bad sides, the lies the cheats tell so well, wait and see if she is happy once the novelty has worn off, worn off for him that is, I bet she's all vain atmo, but...

 

after 2 years passion fades sex gets dull, then there's always going to be some body else to play with at work for him, I bet you know this in your gut, 24 months, count down to a boring marriage, you mark my words, you will be fine...

Edited September 25, 2013 by darkmoon

[HighheelsAries]

I am sorry that you are hurting. Do not waste your energy on feeling humiliated. You had the good sense to divorce this Prince Charming. Leave him and his crappy ways to his next wife or soon to be future ex wife by the sound of his ways.You are a strong woman who stood up for yourself. Be proud of that.

[Mr Scorpio]

Today I'm feeling humiliated. Like none of the past and what he did to me and our children matters. I'm tired and probably irrational but I need to get this out there. I know it will pass.

 

I cannot imagine dealing with all of that pain, while at the same time being responsible for the lives of several children. I went days without feeding myself, much less other people. You must be a strong person.

[dingaling]

I cannot imagine dealing with all of that pain, while at the same time being responsible for the lives of several children. I went days without feeding myself, much less other people. You must be a strong person.

 

Thank you:) I'd say 95% of the time I'm strong. It's when things catch you out when you're least expecting them.

 

I don't know how to let go of the feeling of being angry that he's happy. He shouldn't be allowed to be happy after the devastation he caused. I also know this is irrational which is why I'm trying hard to find away to let it go.

[AnyaNova]

Remember that all you see is the public front he puts up. Don't worry. All is not complete bliss. She has habits that annoy him to no end.

 

Maybe an annoying laugh, or maybe she chews with her mouth open. Who knows.

 

But, furthermore, given his history, all is not likely to be that blissful for very long. And furthermore, given his innate need and inability to stay with someone for the long haul, he probably has a big sucking hole of need that even she is not filling.

 

Happy?

 

I doubt he truly is, no matter what kind of show he is displaying. However, how HE is feeling is not important (yes, readers who know me, I realize I should apply this to myself as well, its just much easier to tell someone else!). How YOU are feeling is.

 

Look out for yourself and your well-being, because he certainly isn't. And you deserve to take care of yourself. especially now!

Edited September 29, 2013 by AnyaNova

[dingaling]

Remember that all you see is the public front he puts up. Don't worry. All is not complete bliss. She has habits that annoy him to no end.

 

Maybe an annoying laugh, or maybe she chews with her mouth open. Who knows.

 

But, furthermore, given his history, all is not likely to be that blissful for very long. And furthermore, given his innate need and inability to stay with someone for the long haul, he probably has a big sucking hole of need that even she is not filling.

 

Happy?

 

I doubt he truly is, no matter what kind of show he is displaying. However, how HE is feeling is not important (yes, readers who know me, I realize I should apply this to myself as well, its just much easier to tell someone else!). How YOU are feeling is.

 

Look out for yourself and your well-being, because he certainly isn't. And you deserve to take care of yourself. especially now!

 

Thank you:)

 

Wouldn't life be so much easier if these ex's didn't exist anymore?!

[AnyaNova]

No kidding!

 

I'm just praying mine doesn't take up dating someone in my town. But, given a lot of things, I'm pretty sure he isn't dating at all. Which just actually seems even more sad to me.