I dumped my boyfriend as he would constantly lean towards women's makeup, clothing

[sunshine001]

I am 29 he is 32. I gave him all my attention, admired him, respected him, adored him.. We were a couple for about 3-4 months but then eventually I had to dump him.

 

The reason sounds strange but I was quite fed up of him gearing towards women's cosmetics, wearing women's clothing at burning man (he says every guy wears women's clothing at the burning man or at least most of them. Dont know to what extent this is true). He wore pink once on our second date I was like 'Ugh its just a colour I don't care' and yes it is just a colour. That's fine. But then he introduces me to his best friend Josh saying "We both are like girlfriends" - now what does that mean? When I ask him he says 'I was just joking and wanted to make you feel awkwardly surprise in a joking way'. Which is fine. Next he wears baby pink t-shirt as his night wear which is fine as its just a colour.

 

Him wearing women's clothing at burning man was a bit too much in the sense that I was completely confused if he was joking still or was giving some sort of a hint. We were only a couple for about 3 months and 3 months is not enough to know someone so I was still in the discovery stage. As per him I discriminated against him by dumping him for unfair reasons. But really speaking, I had to dump him as I was super confused with respect to what he was trying to say. A person can joke around and make me feel weirded out once, or twice? or thrice? but more than that it started to feel maybe he is trying to say something and I didn't really care about all of that but what exactly drove me away was that I was turned off intimacy wise and was no longer attracted to him at all so made the decision to break up.

 

I chatted with him today on Skype and he is deeply bothered that I moved on so fast and already dating someone else. As per him my character is flawed. Another reason he finds to blame is my ethnicity. I am half indian-half afghan and he says 'Its the culture difference so you don't understand. Europeans are like that' (he is from Czech). I am an artist (worked as character artist for video game company) and male artists are like that'. One thing I remember him saying one time out of the blue is "All men have a female in them and vice versa" - it seemed like a mixed signal again.

 

I was never and am not meaning to hurt him but I was no longer attracted to him for reasons that surfaced in 3 months and so had to break up. How do I make him understand that? We tried remaining friends but even that is over now. I am glad to have no connection with him as he creates a lot of drama but I really am wondering if anyone would know how to have handled this situation.

[Woop1337]

You're a woman that likes men that don't dress up as women. You did what you had to do. And for a valid reason as well.

[happywithlife]

Don't feel bad about your reason for breaking up with your boyfriend. He is entitled to dress the way he wants to, be feminine, etc. but if its a big turn off for you, that's ok too. Everyone has qualities that attract them to others and qualities that turn them away from others. We are all unique and its fine that you didn't find his behaviors attractive.

[Bubberfly]

Don't feel bad about your reason for breaking up with your boyfriend. He is entitled to dress the way he wants to, be feminine, etc. but if its a big turn off for you, that's ok too. Everyone has qualities that attract them to others and qualities that turn them away from others. We are all unique and its fine that you didn't find his behaviors attractive.

 

Agreed. Some people are ok with this. Some aren't. You prefer a more rugged man. There are plenty of women who wouldn't mind if their boyfriends cross-dressed. He'll find a new someone, as will you

[white]

Other posters: re-read the OP. She doesn't mention cross dressing at all.

 

She says this guy wears pink, and that bothers her, and wore a silly outfit at burning man, where everyone wears silly outfits, or nothing at all. And that bothered her. These are her troublesome hangups surrounding her personal gender politics, not him being feminine. As I understand it pink's fashionable now, you see it a lot on guys (only pink I own is a red/white check shirt that bled into red/pink and turned a light blue shirt in the same wash a fetching lavender shade for a while).

 

She doesn't mention where the cosmetics come in, but considering I know guys who think they're masculine as **** who have a bathroom full of products they use on themselves, and I have known guys who dye their hair or use concealer to deal with acne... I consider most men to be cosmetic users today by my standards.

[Copelandsanity]

Well, let me ask all of you this: Would you date a beautiful woman with a deep masculine voice?

[MalachiX]

I think it might have been better if you'd just asked if he was trying to hint that cross-dressing (or being more feminine) was his thing. If he said yes, then you'd have to decide if that was something you found attractive. As it stands, he might be hurt because you seemed to jump to conclusions.

 

I personally know a lot of women who would have no problems with a guy who occasionally wears dresses. That said, you can't control what you find attractive.

 

I think the trick is to let him know that you stopped feeling attracted to him but were not JUDGING him in any way shape or form.

 

Well, let me ask all of you this: Would you date a beautiful woman with a deep masculine voice?

 

ENOUGH!!!

[Mrlonelyone]

OP

 

 

I am a bigendered / transgendered / genderqueer person myself. As such a person I will tell it to you straight. No pun intended.

 

 

The idea that this comes down to culture is nonsense because every culture has a place in it, no matter how small, or even despised it may be in general for transgender expression. That is very true of East Indian and even Afghan culture just as it is of European. We just have this idea that somehow Europe is either more civilized/more tolerant.

 

 

That said,

 

 

Nothing he did makes him sound transgendered in any sense given that he was at BURNING MAN. People do crazy crap at burning man. People do hard drugs, and express themselves in crazy ways at BURNING MAN. If he went to starbucks and then shopped for bra's at Victoriassecret on a typical Sunday morning.... your suspicions would be more justified.

 

 

The bottom line. The fact that you reacted the way you did shows that you are not right for him. He needs someone who's more open minded than you are towards all kinds of free expression.

 

 

Some women get married to Hijra's Some women get married to western crossdressers. Some enjoy having a man that can look pretty (and give them really pretty kids. Others don't.