Monodare1 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 I texted the ex to chase her about getting my name removed from the mortgage as she seems to be dragging her heels. She asked me to call her urgently, I did and she asked me to stop putting pressure on her and broke down in tears complaining that the house is full (her mum and two brothers as well as my son) Trouble is, all my friends and family tell me that in a divorce, out with my son it has to be all about self preservation regards a roof over my head, finances etc, yet the ex called me selfish! I've had experience of exes doing you over cash wise and I don't think I'm being unreasonable in pushing her to get me off the mortgage of a house I will never live in or want to live in again. She then went on about giving her respect that she's due being my sons mother. I don't disrespect her, I'm just keen to make sure my son is ok and to protect myself financially. Am I being selfish? Then after having a good go at me, texts me to say she wants to be amicable for our sons sake! What's going on in her head? She ended it, doesn't want to get back together, yet calls me in tears telling me she feels under pressure and stress and is considering getting signed off from work, only to give me verbal after.
K Os Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 That doesn't sound unreasonable or selfish to me at all, just sensible. She feels under pressure and stress? Not surprising. Not your fault, though.
Author Monodare1 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 She also said that I went running back to my home town, I was not given much choice, she ended the relationship and I was 20 odd miles away from and family or friends to give me support. I was not prepared to continue to live in a house with someone who didn't want me and suffer the indignity of her having her family or friends coming over to the house with me still in it giving her support! I feel that my moving back to my home town was the sensible thing to to, what was she expecting me to do?
Author Monodare1 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Out with my son (who is number one in my concerns) we have a joint mortgage and a joint loan which still has 4 and a half years to clear, she has transferred the direct debits to her bank account so I'm having to transfer funds, I don't think I'm being unreasonable in asking her for information on how the transfer of my name off the mortgage is getting on or asking her for proof from time to time to make sure the loan etc is getting paid, as I'm forwarding my share to her bank account when I get paid each month. That's not selfishness, I call that being sensible and prudent.
K Os Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Yes, that is all sensible and prudent, I agree. I have a joint mortgage with my wife on a property abroad, and we use a broker to handle our separate payments. Maybe you could look into paying your half of the loan direct to the lender if you have any concerns about where your payments might go? And yes, moving back nearer to your support network is the obvious, sensible and natural thing to do. My wife was similar towards me when I leant on my family for support when she decided to leave. It's all part of the confused emotional states that seem to be a feature of all these stories. It's kind of a loop - she leaves, unsurprisingly finds practical and financial matters more difficult than they were, and then blames you for the increased stress, adding to the reasons why she had to get away from you. Not much you can do about that kind of thinking except ignore it.
keepontruckin Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 She left you, will not consider reconciling, and is using the kids as a "pawn" to play her game. Don't play the game. She thinks nothing of you, trust me. She will use you, if you allow her to. Do what is best for you and your child. Your ex is no longer your friend. She could easily become your worst enemy, and you have to take steps to protect yourself.
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