Overload of all the worst for breaking up

[ktc]

Hi I'm new here... trying to figure out the right way to go about condensing my story from over a two year period.

 

I met this guy and he's my first love and I love him dearly. We have had a very dysfunctional relationship for the last two years. Although we've had loads of good moments, we've had lots of arguments, a few physical encounters, and more.

 

I guess to get to the important stuff, I found out 4 months into our relationship he was "talking" with other girls. Whether I misunderstood who knows but when I found out he did it again, around summer of last year I made a fake facebook account to essentially test him and he met up with this fake user with his cousin and broke up with me on the spot when he saw me. Regardless of the rest of the details, I wanted to get back with him and we slowly got back there almost a month, two later.

 

I never fully trusted him though. Kept asking him to reaffirm his feelings or causing arguments when I felt he wasn't being "boyfriend" material. I can see how doing that could have caused him to no longer want me towards the end but listen there is more.

 

So once we got back together, when we first broke up, apparently he started again talking to other people. This one girl he knows he grew fond of and kept talking to her while seeing and trying to work things out with me. Even before I found out almost into this new year he ended up signing up for a dating site, I had before confronted him on Christmas what I found about this girl and he seemed sincerely sorry. Although the next day when I was mad and wanted to ask him about he, he turned it on me. So from then on, I've never trusted him and he never showed me he was sorry for what he did or at least gave me what I needed to forgive him.

 

I of course love him, although he says it isn't love. I still wanted to keep us together that I grew...obsessed about what he was doing. He ended up moving away and we became a long distance relationship and I told him we could have ended it there before he moved. We didn't though and I felt he kept putting everything onto me to solve "our" issues. I kept complaining, and even before then became sneaky trying to investigate his facebook or other mediums. We haven't been fb friends in over a year now when I deleted him and he blocked me. I felt his sense of "privacy" was very fishy. And leading into found out when he was on a dating site I was furious. I should have left and gave up then. But he ended up bull****ting me I'm sure and just asked for immediate forgiveness by saying we should become official YET AGAIN and just start clean slate.

 

Sure, I've had my faults in this relationship. Not trusting him (with good reasons). Also feelings I gave in loads more than he ever did. That it consumed my life so much I would skip college, skip work, or just call him non-stop or drive out to where he now lives. I always wanted to ask the same questions over and over and kept accusing him of ignoring me. I would try to force talks and I mean when he clearly just stopped talking because he was tired of arguing. Also stooped so low as to make fake fb account or text him from a fake number to catch him. Also the last big fight we had resulted in him thinking I was going to kill him or some crazy bull**** his friends made him believe. Sure, I've gotten so upset I thought about dying before or hurting myself. He feels I do that for attention or control. Our last fight also resulted in him trying to cut himself and the next day two face slaps and then the police.

 

Now he throws it in my face I'm forceful and a stalker. That i'm manipulative. That I have all/some of those horrible qualities, and I do agree, I dislike what I've become of this! I know he hates it, yet I keep doing it. I keep saying I'll stop this or that and I haven't. I also feel like he doesn't have a right to always say this is all my fault. That he never takes blame.

 

Which results in the now. I made the stupid mistake of texting from a fake number again. I really wasn't even going to make a big deal out of it. But he knew it was me, as always and then he confronted me and I lied to him about it. He broke up with me but then didn't because my friend took the blame after he volunteered to. Then almost a week later it turns back on me when they talk and the truth comes out. I know I ****ed up. I know in ways this demise is my fault. But that on top of me complaining how he was going back to "his old ways" he just dumped me. He has always been the one dumping me. And lastly, when I drove out there to talk to him again, he would say loads of mean, things...and tell me it was constructive criticism. That he was tired of the ****. That he had to be strong for both of us not give into us getting back together because things wouldn't change. That he then would get upset that I said I wish I never had met him. Then say he could stay friends and that this probably wouldn't be the last time we would see or talk again. And i'm thinking wtf? While he is clearly saying this is a clean breakup and that he isn't giving me any sorts of hopes...

 

So now I'm like what the hell do I do? Some say just give up. Others tell me to focus on my happiness. Others tell me he isn't worth my time. Others say we will probably get back together, I just have to wait. I just don't know what to do...since this is the condensed story here.

 

I drove out 5 hours and am just waiting to have a conversation I probably won't even get. He threatened to call the cops because I wouldn't go home. He has the audacity to say he cares but then can do that... and the reason I drove out here today was because I know I have no right to ask anything of him.. but he asked of me to continue to go to school, clean myself up, and to stop all those crazy things. And I asked him to not move on or if he would. Yet I **** you not only a week after we break up he adds that girl back he was making a backup plan with! Then tells me he can't trust me and any hope now is completely gone. When I have the right to say that! I haven't though! Because I love him and I know things could work out but I honestly don't even know what to do about this. It is hostile yes... probably the worst relationship ever. Especially since he once could look me in the face and told me he wanted me dead. That I have more reasons to say I am through but I'm not! Why is that!? He tells me I'm a sore loser because I am losing something I want! That is bull****. But what do I do to get over him if that is my only option? What do I do if there really is ever hope in this working? I know apparently at this point it's his way or the highway on patience, space, and i'm sure now no communication.

[melell]

I have read similar stories over and over. Honestly, I think the common factor is that one person cares more than the other. No matter what happens the person who cares less just doesn't understand the other persons actions, and they hold it against them.

 

It is really a sad, hard, situation to be in. In my opinion when someone cares more they put the person that cares less on a pedestal, and most of the time that person doesn't deserve to be there at all!!

 

Logic goes out the window- we think along the lines of 'if we care more they must be better than us', even if we don't think it outright it is usually an underlying thing that is going on.

 

My advice is let go, and walk away. Get your dignity back and realize that you are better than this. Self respect is honestly EVERYTHING it changes how people view you, and it changes how you view yourself. It really is the only way to move on, and it is your only chance to get them back.

 

When people say that you need to let go to get them back they aren't kidding.

[ktc]

Even if I risk losing them forever?

[monkeymaid]

yes. You let go and figure out how to be happy on your own. even if it means you lose them forever.