3 weeks of NC, my story. Thoughts?

[Turnandcough]

My girlfriend and I broke up about 4 weeks ago and I have been in complete NC for almost 3 weeks now. We have been dating for around 7 months and spent almost every night together during the summer. She was crazy in love with me telling me I was the one God had for her and how much she loved me all the time. We are going to graduate at the same time and we both wanted to start looking for apartments to move into after we got out of college.

 

She was so excited about that idea and told me how excited she was to start our life together. I am 23 and she recently turned 21. The University I go to is very prestigious and also expensive. As of this semester my loan to go to this expensive university didn't go through so I ended up having to go to a junior college in the same town for the semester. I was embarrassed and shameful of not having the funds to go to the university, also the fact that I should be graduated by now. I ended up lying to my girlfriend telling her I still went to the university instead of just telling her the truth about not being able to afford it this semester. I know now it was an insecurity in me and that I care what people think about me too much. Anyone, the week before school started she had all of her roommates move back into town and also they gained a new one which they all new before. Most of them are single except for one of them who has been in a relationship since high school.

 

We were very close to this friend and her boyfriend (going on trips to the river and doing a lot of double dates). During this week there were a lot of parties and crazy pool parties. We ended up fighting a lot during this week, most because I get entirely to drunk and get mad over very small things. We never really fought before that, only small bickers, and we were literally best friends. When I would work she would constantly tweet how she couldn't wait till her baby got off work, also even being apart for one day while one of us would visit home would be torture for both of us. That whole week, I would end up walking out and going home. She would eventually home over or I would go over and we would make up. I know this takes a toll on the relationship but it was stupid reasons and mostly because of the party scene.

 

When the semester started, keep in mind I was lying about the school I was attending, one day her roomies were looking in the school directory and searching peoples names. It shows how many hours and what their major is. She tried to search mine and it wouldn't pull up. She texted me asking why my name wasn't coming up. I knew I had already lied and I didn't want to continue lying about it so I came clean and told her I had lied to her about the school I was going to and also explained the situation I was in and why I was ashamed of it. Of course. she was in shock and felt betrayed. Told me I should have just told her the truth and that it wouldn't have been a big deal to her (I knew deep down it wouldn't matter to her but like I said I was insecure about where I was in life). She told me she couldn't be together right now and she needed space to think about it.

 

She was also questioning if I ever went to the university in the first place or if I was always at the junior college. So, I gave her the time she needed to think about it. During this time I was just going out with my friends and trying to respect what she needed. She would text me on some nights and tell me "don't drink too much and make wise decisions". I text her one night that weekend and said, "have fun tonight, if you need a sober ride to call me." Anyway, she ended up telling me we could talk about it Sunday. Sunday came and I went over to her house and I apologized and told her I know it doesn't make what I did right and I knew she had caught me instead of me coming out clean. She forgave me and told me she missed me.

 

I asked her what she wanted and she said your not going to like the answer, told me we needed to break up. I told her I respected her decision and that I loved her. After I left her house, I started to get emotional and started to blow up her phone gushing my feelings and told her I wouldn't end things without trying to fight for it. I ended up pushing her away to the point she would stop texting me back while I continued sending her messages that day. After about 8 long texts I told her I would not bug her anymore.

 

About three days later I sent her a message saying, "I've thought about the break up and have decided it was what we both needed and I was ok with it. I'm sorry for what I did and I know it was wrong. I need this space to work on myself. Sorry about the other day my head was spinning and I was emotional. Maybe one day we can be friends". The only time I see her is at football tailgates and the bar sometimes in which we completely ignore each other, no words, smiles, or acknowledgment. About a week into no contact, I did see her at one of the tailgates. When she saw me she looked at her friends and mouth, "What the ****." I respectfully told my friend I was gonna leave and go to another tailgate. About two weeks later, I saw her at another tailgate at which we both stayed at but just ignored each other. At this point I have been going out and having a good time with friends and talking to other women, also getting in the best shape of my life. That night her sister messaged me saying that she texted her saying that she may be starting to miss me. She missed like hanging out with me and it hit her when she was chilling at her place just watching TV (I was out at the bar this night).

 

She also said she was gonna take the next couple days to think about what she really wants in her life. That was pretty much it. This all happened about a week ago. One of the reasons she ended our relationship is because I was being a bad clingy in the week that we were partying and she thought since this was our last year in college and we should be able to go out and party with our friends by ourselves. I never was one to question her if she wanted to have a girls night out. Her sister said also told me that she thought I was marriage material but I was being too much right now. I completely agree we should enjoy it and take advantage of this time in our lives. Up to this point I have maintained No Contact (3 weeks). I know her friends are being a big influence on her staying single and in the party mode. They may even be talking badly about me, saying all the texting I did the first couple days was creepy.

 

(Just a note)

Another big thing I should note is that about 4 months ago while we were still together, her ex boyfriend she dated for a couple years died in a motorcycle accident. During this time I knew she needed space and to be with her friends and family at this time. It was really hard on her, not that she wasn't over him, but because he was a large part of her life at one point. I told her that I would go to the funeral if she wanted me to but I was completely fine if she wanted to go with her Mom and friends that knew him. She ended up going with her friends and Mom. I was always there when she needed me though, as a shoulder to cry on and I went shopping with her for the funeral dress. I knew she needed time to grieve though. This ex treated her pretty bad, cheated on her, bad fights, etc. I understand though why it was hard on her because it would still be crazy if I lost one of my ex's.

 

Anyway, this last weekend I was out at the bar and drinking and she walks in. We both made eye contact and I just went back to hanging out with my friends still ignoring her. After I got a drink I went outside and sat on the patio with one of her bestfriends and my buddy which happens to be her friends boyfriend. I had a week point and asked her friend, which loves me and thinks I'm a great guy, what I had to do to get her back. Her bestfriend told me that she thought I was a great guy but I needed to move on. I know they have been talking about me and she was giving me her honest opinion. I have been slowly moving on and I needed to hear that from her. That was this last weekend and since then I have been doing a lot better. The only thing I had done to up to about a week ago was check her tweets on twitter in which she was posting stuff about how regret can be scary. When we initially broke up she removed me as friends from all her social networks and deleted all the photos of me from her accounts.

 

I just want to know if she is going to contact me if I stay strong and keep up with the process of moving on that I am? I know I still love her very much but I would be ok if we never ended up getting back together. I'm in a better place emotionally and realize she kind of used my lie as a window of opportunity to be free and party with her friends. At this point I wouldn't take her back because I've noticed that we both have a lot to work on and she is still immature and obviously not over the party phase. Anyone have any insight on this and why she is completely ignoring me and almost acting as if she still hates me almost 4 weeks after out break up? Thanks.

Edited September 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Chi townD]

Dude, you need to work on you. Forget her. Actually, I think that her friends were a BIG influence and I think since you went down in social and educational status, she moved on. Like, she couldn't be seen with a commoner!

 

Dude, I went to a prestigious university that was expensive as hell! It wasn't Ivy League but it should have been at those prices. But, you need to go back to your University and talk to the financial aid folks. Two words for you....Grants and Scholarships! I mean; hell, they have scholarships for ANY damn thing. There's even a scholarship for LEFT HANDED PEOPLE!!!

 

The one thing I know; because the economy sucks, less and less people are going to school. Enrollment is down across the board. Therefore, they want to keep retention up! THEY WILL FIND YOU THE MONEY!!!! You just need to look. So, go back and talk to them. Find the money.

[barky2]

OK first off let me slap your hand for lying...it was stupid and petty to you ( and me) but to her you have to realise something.

 

She told her friends, her friends got in her ear and were like " omg if he lied about this what else has he lied about", blah blah u know how it goes.

 

And another thing, checking her tweets won't get you anywhere but in a padded cell. " regret may hurt", or something forgot what you wrote but I remember it had regret in it lol but listen, you automatically think its about you, when it could have been a chili dog that gave her the runs. ( hope you chuckeled)

 

What you need to do is this.

 

You did a good thing by saying OK I love you and walked out. Went right into nc.

 

Somewhere ( I know for a fact don't lie ) you read online to " text the dumper one more time to say you agree with the breakup and it will shock them" blah blah horse crap.

 

Its stupid.

 

Now OK you can't undo that, so don't even think about texting her sayong you didn't mean it.

 

You need to continue with nc. Stop checking her tweets and try this....stop going ( for a few weeks-to a month) where she is going to be.

 

Focus on yourself and hit them gym hard.

 

Get a new wardrobe.

 

She's excepting you places, suddenly you disappear.

 

" I wonder what he's doing"

 

Will be running thru her head.

 

Come back on the scene looking fresh.

 

Will it work? Who the heck knows.

 

But I can tell you one thing.

 

Showing up and going everywhere she is...as you saw when she said wtf...is her mind makes you look stalkerish/weird.

 

 

So id give that a shot.

 

 

 

 

Just my 2 pennies I picked up on the sidewalk

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Turnandcough]

Dude, you need to work on you. Forget her. Actually, I think that her friends were a BIG influence and I think since you went down in social and educational status, she moved on. Like, she couldn't be seen with a commoner!

 

Dude, I went to a prestigious university that was expensive as hell! It wasn't Ivy League but it should have been at those prices. But, you need to go back to your University and talk to the financial aid folks. Two words for you....Grants and Scholarships! I mean; hell, they have scholarships for ANY damn thing. There's even a scholarship for LEFT HANDED PEOPLE!!!

 

The one thing I know; because the economy sucks, less and less people are going to school. Enrollment is down across the board. Therefore, they want to keep retention up! THEY WILL FIND YOU THE MONEY!!!! You just need to look. So, go back and talk to them. Find the money.

 

Alright so you may get a kick out of this. Literally two hours after i posted this i went to the grocery store. Guess who was there.... She didn't see me but her roommate walked right past me when i came around an isle and looked straight at me. So maturely, I said "Hey! Hows it going?' ***** completely ignores me. So I just went down another isle before my ex saw me. Talk about being cold shouldered and immaturity at its max. So one lie because I was embarrassed (even though I know it was wrong and dumb), turns my ex from I love yous to **** you and have a nice day? Not only that but her friends hate me when they have no reason to.

[Turnandcough]

I didn't go where she was at. I was already there with like 15 of my buddies and she walks in with 3 of hers. We are all mutual friends so she was talking to all my buddies. I just left the room.

Edited September 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Turnandcough]

When I told her I respected her decision. I told her I loved her and she said she loved me too. I just wanna know if anyone thinks after a couple months if I should just try to cool things over with her since we have so many mutual friends? Or if I should tell her I still have feelings for her after a while. Or should I just let it be and let her text me if she wants to try again?

[Chi townD]

When an Ex's best friend tells you that you need to move on, BELIEVE THEM!!! They know what's going on and they know that you don't stand a chance.

 

Chances are her friends are already trying to hook her up with someone else by now.

 

Sorry to be blunt, but here's the deal. She made the choice to have you out of her life. Therefore, you give her exactly that. You are not her friend. You are not her boyfriend. You need to go dark on her. You need to work on you and your goals in life. You need to make positive changes in your life. You need to get back into that University and you need to get new hobbies to limit your exposure to her.

 

Time to heal and move on dude.

[Turnandcough]

Yah I've known that I need to move in no matter what my intentions are. I guess I built up some false home when her sister told me she was starting to miss me. Crazy how fast love can turn around on you. She would literally crave to see me every night for 6 months and then all her roommates came back and things instantly changed.

[Turnandcough]

All her friends keep saying eventually she is on a realize how good you were to her. You think eventually she will contact me?

[Turnandcough]

Alright so you may get a kick out of this. Literally two hours after i posted this i went to the grocery store. Guess who was there.... She didn't see me but her roommate walked right past me when i came around an isle and looked straight at me. So maturely, I said "Hey! Hows it going?' ***** completely ignores me. So I just went down another isle before my ex saw me. Talk about being cold shouldered and immaturity at its max. So one lie because I was embarrassed (even though I know it was wrong and dumb), turns my ex from I love yous to **** you and have a nice day? Not only that but her friends hate me when they have no reason to.

Edited September 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Turnandcough]

Update: her bestfriend texts me saying he is currently talking to another guy.

[GB25]

she? not he im assuming

[Turnandcough]

Yes she* sorry

[Chi townD]

Makes sense. That's why she's giving you the cold shoulder and looks at you with disgust. She's demonizing you so she doesn't have to feel guilty about trying to hook up with someone else so soon after the break up.

 

my question is with her bestfriend? Why would she just text you that out of the blue? Are you in communication with her friend? Did she send that to you to hurt you?

 

I don't get it.

[Turnandcough]

Makes sense. That's why she's giving you the cold shoulder and looks at you with disgust. She's demonizing you so she doesn't have to feel guilty about trying to hook up with someone else so soon after the break up.

 

my question is with her bestfriend? Why would she just text you that out of the blue? Are you in communication with her friend? Did she send that to you to hurt you?

 

I don't get it.

 

We have a lot of mutual friends. Her best friend is actually my buddies girlfriend. She likes me a lot but said she wanted to be straight with me. She wasn't trying to hurt me. I live at the same apartment complex as my ex and tend to run into her while I'm out running with my roommate. Honestly, since yesterday I've just realized she isn't over me and she is trying to rebound because she doesn't know any other way to cope. She is lonely and realizes her roommates don't fill that void in her where I used to be.

[Turnandcough]

I'm to the point now emotionally were I am letting go of her and moving on. It doesn't bug me anymore knowing she has moved on and I know I can also. I've been focusing on other things and realize she is dealing with this in a very immature way due to how young she is (21) and the influence of her young (single) roommates. Hey if all this is making her happy, good for her. I'll go find someone on the same level maturely as me.