altho Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 I feel I need to tell my story as I can't get this girl out of my head. I’ll trykeep a long story short. I meet this girl online. At first date, after we havecuddled and kissed a little, she tells me she is in a middle of a divorce (only two weeks in they broke because he all the sudden didn’t want kids…she assuredme that she NEVER wants to be with him again, she had already filed for a lastname change and I saw the divorce papers as soon as they arrived). She also tells that she had a pregnancy outside the uterus recently (they got divorced because he suddenly wanted to wait for about 5 years to have a child and she wouldn’t wait for that). She told me all this to see if I was scared off, but Iwas not. She also tells me that it's normal for her to not be single for long. After about two weeks she tells me that she wants to have a child with me and she wants itto be within the first three months. I say that we should wait because we don’t know each other that well. She tells me I must find out what I want. I don’t want to loseher and somehow she convinces me that we can always get to know each other within the nine months during the pregnancy. Things go fast from here. I meet her entire family, she meets my parents and sister, we double date with her nearest friends, we almost see each other every day and are practically living together as a couple within two weeks (never tried that), we go on a vacation with each other just after nine weeks and everything seems fine, though she did say to me one night at the vacation “You deserve better than me”. Five days after we get home she says she doesn’t feel like having a boyfriend right now. This comes as a chock for me as this week she invited me to come to her best friends future husbands bachelor party and the night before we had seen at possible places to move together, just for fun, and she send a text to her cousin that we would love to come to her graduating party. Two days later I come to pick some of my stuff up just to see that she has packed itall…didn’t expect that. She tells me that she is not happy and she doesn’t understand why because I say all the right things and do all the right things. She promises that we shall see each other again soon. The nextday I text her if we should just keep in touch until she is alright again. She replies during work hours that she doesn’t want us to be a couple anymore and don’t want to be friends either. We write back and forth several times that week and absolutely gutted. After a week she tells me that a week ago she got diagnosed with apregnancy outside the uterus, she didn’t wanna tell me as she wanted me to get over her fast. We write several times back and forth with several days going with no contact. One day I write to her casually in the evening and she replies with “Hi honey. I hope you are having a good time. Hugs and good night”. I feel that there is hope. We text each other the next day and she suddenly says that I should not wait for her and go out and found someone else. I tell her I’m willing to wait because I still love her. She still doesn’t want me to wait and that there is nothing more to talk about and I shall leave her alone. I do for a while but I’m still a wreck and I have really hard accepting that it is over. After some time I try to move on and go online to the datingsite where we meet. I see her there and she is not among the newest, but not “old” enough to have been there our entire relationship so I guess she put herself there the day she ended it or close to. I get in touchwith her again saying I’m sorry to contact her and that I all the time had the idea that she just needed some time for herself. She now says that I’m boring (didn’t take enough initiative, even though I invited her out a lot to dinner and dance and so forth) and arrogant (never to her though)…some she didn’t want to tell me either. We cut contact almost immediately after that. A week goes by and it really starts to annoy me that she called me boring and arrogant so I send her an email defending myself. A week later I get a text from her saying that I should stop focusing on being nice and that I should stop texting and emailing her and I’m really “way off track” (don’t know the real English expression). I reply with “Yes, I know I am. Have a nice time. Goodbye”. A month later I send a text just wishing her happy birthday. She replies “Thanks a lot”. Now it has been 5 weeks with NC (a term I came across recently) and after I’ve been on adate with this other girl I’m down in the black hole again. Don’t sleep much, eat, I’m having a hard time to focus, I cry all the sudden when I’m alone and I just can’t get my ex off my mind. I think of her almost all the time and miss her and the time we had together. I’m reallyin doubt that she ever want me back and if she does, that I want to be with her. I just think that if she reacts so strongly on such small things that I evercould be in a relationship with this girl. I just miss her so much, even though the relationship only lasted 10 weeks. I have never been in such an intense, close and intimate relationship before so my experience is low (which I also told her). My heart wants her back, but my head is screaming NO! I’m really trying to move on, but all I can think of is her, and I want to contact her so much and tell her how much I miss her. Should I just let time go and hope I will heal? Should I contact her or keep the NC? And if I keep the NC how can I get her off my mind?
theonlyjuan Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 NC and try to move on. Get rid of any hope of the two of you, it does you no good!
EdG Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Move on mate, it doesn't sound like you can have a stable relationship with this girl. Who says "let's have a baby and get to know each other during the 9 month pregnancy"!!!!? That's the talk of someone with a lot of issues. I say be thankful that you've been given the opportunity to get away from her! RUN. 3
RiceaRoni Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Move on mate, it doesn't sound like you can have a stable relationship with this girl. Who says "let's have a baby and get to know each other during the 9 month pregnancy"!!!!? That's the talk of someone with a lot of issues. I say be thankful that you've been given the opportunity to get away from her! RUN. Definitely agree ^^ I was reading and thought, "what the hell? Who wants to have a child that quickly with someone?!??" She's rushing things, to help her get over her divorce it seems. She needs to sort herself out and take some time away from having another relationship. I say, move on dear. She's a mess right now.
barky2 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 So many red flags where to begin. In the middle of a divorce. Wants a child soon. "Don't wait go find some else" = I have someone else.. hands down. This one is rebounding off you...you eased her pain. She's a nut job dude. Re read your story. Now you'll see and identify red flags next time you begin dating Focus on moving on....never ever ever attempt a relationship with this one again. Barky 4
Author altho Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Thx. For the replies. It helps it really helps. I have red it and gone through all of it over and over in my mind and saw all the red flags...just too late. I just can't get her out of my mind. I'm not sure that she found someone else back then. She told me to find someone new one or two weeks after the breakup (I'm probably just in denial ) as she hadn't had the ectopic pregnancy removed untill weeks later (or that is what she told me). I really should move on I can see that, but how? I feel like I've tried everything. Spent time with friends, doing sports, been at koncerts, been at parties, gone to a amusement park, been dating and so on. Any suggestions or is it just the factor of time that will do the work?
BC1980 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Move on mate, it doesn't sound like you can have a stable relationship with this girl. Who says "let's have a baby and get to know each other during the 9 month pregnancy"!!!!? That's the talk of someone with a lot of issues. I say be thankful that you've been given the opportunity to get away from her! RUN. This girl is nuts. There are so many red flags like Barky said. She sounds completely unstable. She is probably on to the next poor guy, wanting to have a baby and get to know him later. Geez. . . . who says that? 2
barky2 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Just be glad you didn't knock her up dude. Barky 1
barky2 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Suggestions to move on? Simple. Continue what youre doing and keep putting your head down and fighting. Over time you won't be effected and be yourself again. That I promise. Barky
Author altho Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Yeah Im really greatfull that I didn't even through it was close...too close. That would have ruined my life if she was and then decided to drop me. I just didn't use my common sence. When we were together everything just seemed more ro less perfect. She was really nice and sweet said all the things I wanted to hear. Even for my birthday she bought an expensive shirt and took me to a Michelin Star restaurant. All the peices just didn't add up in the end. Now I see that it posibly was just some kind of play. I should feel like I were in a very serious relationship untill she had healed.
headinthecloud Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Thx. For the replies. It helps it really helps. I have red it and gone through all of it over and over in my mind and saw all the red flags...just too late. I just can't get her out of my mind. I'm not sure that she found someone else back then. She told me to find someone new one or two weeks after the breakup (I'm probably just in denial ) as she hadn't had the ectopic pregnancy removed untill weeks later (or that is what she told me). I really should move on I can see that, but how? I feel like I've tried everything. Spent time with friends, doing sports, been at koncerts, been at parties, gone to a amusement park, been dating and so on. Any suggestions or is it just the factor of time that will do the work? She is a manipulator and emotionally unstable. If you were with her she would continue to treat you badly. Is that what you want for yourself? 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 The answer to the first part of your question: Keep NC and hope for the best? YES The answer to the second part of your question: or move on? YES
rakasan Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Suggestions to move on? Simple. Continue what youre doing and keep putting your head down and fighting. Over time you won't be effected and be yourself again. That I promise. Barky Agree 100%. Pretty cliche, but I gotta say it: Time heals all. Keep it pushin' and you'll feel back to normal in due time.
todreaminblue Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 intense....scary intense...that's why you are stuck .......from complete life immersion to nothing.......you are stuck because it must have confused the hell out of you.......that is why taking dating slow and relaxed helps......you really do get a chance to be yourself as does the woman...too much too quick.......saying what she said about the baby isnt normal, and then the sudden turn around...i am schizo affective and i dont make turn arounds like that ...i might think them or journal them thats how i get them out of my head .....its strategic.....then they dont fester and grow nor do they hurt people i care about..and i throw them away or hit delete... i don't do turn arounds to hurt people who love me......she might have some kind of post natal hormonal imbalance who knows....stay no contact....i feel for you .....it will be hard for you....deb
Author altho Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 No ofc its not what I want. I want to be treated like I treat others. Thing is during the relationship she never ever treated me bad. So like Deb said it has been confusing like hell. The complete turnaround from "I love you and want to spend my life with you" one day to the complete opposite the next. It was almost like "who are you and what have you done to my gf?". I still need to fight the urge to write to her. Think its just all the good memories and the fact that being alone again that does the healing time so hard.
Recommended Posts