nasc88 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 So it's been about 5 weeks since my boyfriend broke up with me because he was having doubts about it being 'long term.' I want nothing more than to email him and say hi and see how he is doing. I am worried that I am becoming obsessed with these thoughts of contacting him and wondering what if. I've posted on here several times and thought it was better for me to post here than actually reach out to him. Does anyone else have these nonstop thoughts playing in their head over and over again? I'm starting to worry about myself. 1
LifeIsGreat Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 After only 5 weeks, what you are feeling is very typical. Each time you catch yourself with thoughts of him, you need to also remind yourself to maintain your dignity and self-worth. It's pretty simple.... the guy says he doesn't know about you long-term. Then screw him, and go find someone that does.
Author nasc88 Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Why isn't it that easy? I can't turn my brain off. I just keep thinking about HIM. 1
LifeIsGreat Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Trying to turn your brain off will just keep it on. It's important to embrace your feelings. If you allow yourself to feel them and allow them to wash over you, they will go away faster. It's like trying & forcing yourself to remember something that's right on the tip of your tongue. Once you stop worrying about, the memory comes back. When you catch yourself with these thoughts of him, that's when you use that internal conversation to also remind yourself of your own self-esteem and dignity. You have to reason with yourself, which takes some practice. Reason: "I did the best I could with this guy based on my experience & maturity level. He has decided he doesn't want to be with me (for WHATEVER reason--that doesn't really matter). It hurts, but I care enough about him that I want him to be happy, even if it's with someone other than me. I deserve to be with someone who CHOOSES to be with me, and I WILL find that person when the time is right." 1
Author nasc88 Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Thank you for the response....I'm trying so badly to tell myself that and I have no idea how to believe it. It is so hard to loose your best friend after a year and a half. Everything reminds me of him and I want to share it with him. So many people said "oh you'll hear from him again..." which of course is not true. I guess I had false hope that something would change. I don't know how to not miss him and I feel like I am losing my mind.
BC1980 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Can you replace your thoughts of him with something else? Find anything else to do. The memories will drag you down.
Author nasc88 Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 I have tried. You have no idea. I have done anything anyone has asked from a glass blowing class to trying different boot camp classes. Nothing helps. I understand how unhealthy it is and I can't stop or control it which is what it making it worse. I feel like I am completely out of control and that is the scariest part.
lylat333 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 nasc88 I didn't want to post here again since I already responded to your other thread(s). But, I identify with you a lot and also struggled with "not thinking" of my ex, nothing seemed to help. I wasn't able to consciously replace thoughts of her with anything else and even when I walked/ran for miles or tried to stay busy I still thought of her the whole time. I'll say this one more time, from one sincere dumpee to another, blocking the other person out of my life is the only thing that truly allowed me to start healing. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but it made me feel so much better I can't even tell you. I know I would not be able to function if any lines of communication were still open between my ex and I. If she were to ever miss me (which I don't see ever happening) this is the only way it would happen. It's the only thing that took away so much desire to contact her or wonder what she is doing. You're looking for something to help you, to me this is the answer you're looking for.
Author nasc88 Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 I have no means of contract with him. I took your FB advice earlier. I feel completely out of myself and out of control. I have an appointment with a therapist on Friday and am hoping perhaps they can shed some light on me. His best friend's girlfriend - who I was friends with - reached out to me the other day to see how I was doing. That sort of tripped me up. 1
lylat333 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Great to hear... I know it must have been very difficult but I hope it helps you as it did me, it's one big less thing to worry and think about. I also asked all my friends to never speak of my ex, I don't want to know anything about what's going on in her life. Not applicable to everyone, thankfully I live 45 min. away from my ex and we don't run in the same circles at all. Going to a therapist is also a good idea if you go in w/ the right mindset of desiring help which I'm sure you are. I had 6 visits w/ a counselor and I liked her, much better experience than I had w/ a counselor I saw a couple of years ago. Make sure you find one you feel genuinely cares about you. The other thing that has been helping me is giving myself things to look forward to. Lately it has been having game nights w/ different friends, I've been planning at least one thing a week. It can be hard to enjoy things, but think of something special you truly enjoy doing and set it up. Spoil yourself! That's helped me, too. There are times to be active and times to allow yourself to relax. I have had my setbacks... but it has gotten so much better for me over the course of 2 months. Try not to feel out of control - you are taking control by being proactive about blocking your ex out of your life. I was upset because I have nothing on the horizon... no dates, no one I'm interested in... I will probably be single and living alone for several more months for all I know. But I am regaining confidence in myself which is key. If you were a good partner to your ex I believe he will miss you someday. Not being in the picture only helps matters.
BC1980 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 5 weeks is so little time. It is totally normal to feel this way at 5 weeks. There's no magic cure, though I wish there were. You just have to keep on doing things for yourself. Create a new person. It sucks; I've had my fair share of crying over my ex. I'm still sad a lot of the time. But it does get better. Try to find new things you like. Try anything. Force yourself to get out even if you are by yourself.
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