kisslaboca Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 Hi everyone, Its been 5 months since my official breakup. But since we kept getting together and having sex and exchanging our feelings after that, I guess it has been more like 2.5 months since NC started and I moved to another country. In part because I had to, in part to forget and detach. I've have many "good" days, in the sense that Im not constantly thinking of him and that i can function. Im with my family and have happy, normal life moments. However, I still miss him very much at least 1 every week. This once spreads over many hours, sometimes days and is very intense. I feel very sad. And although Im living my life, the moments in which I feel in touch with these feelings of longing are the moments when I think Im being more sincere with my self. Like removing the curtain and seeing what I really look like inside. The truth is, that its still REALLY hard for me to accept and think with comprehension that this person no longer loves me. That they are fine without me. That they have caring feelings towards me, but no longer love me. Also that he is fine just living life normally without me in sight. I think that hurts more than the fact that he is probably casually dating, as he manifested his desire to check out other girls and have other girlfriends when he broke it off. It just hurts a lot, and I feel sorry for myself to see that I still can't digest the feeling of not being loved by this person. I feel so rejected and very hurt. He just seems so strong about the whole breakup handling thing, and compared to me seems to have such an easy time with it, even though cause he cares about me as a person and our relationship was 2 years+, he admitted to having been affected by things himself. I remember his words when he broke it off, they sometimes play in my head. That he didn't feel in love with me and such and that he wanted to be single now, I didn't expect this breakup at all. The fact that those were his feelings, the fact that he no longer loves me and can do without me in his life, is still too much for me to take, too painful for me to withstand, or just like it's in chinese or something and deep down in my gut is like that feeling is floating around, but it doesn't settle in the ground of my heart, it doesn't get absorbed or integrate. I just wonder if people really get over this. Again, its not a problem of not moving on, I am active, and I live life and go out with friends and what not, I am doing what Im supposed to and not letting my self drift into deppression. However, as real as that is it also feels like a bit of a curtain, like a darkness that covers up sad feelings that may be quiet for a while but that don't seem to change or disappear. Is this normal? Do people really regenerate themselves completely? This is the 2nd time in my life that I have been broken hearted. The last time I was really sad too and it took me a while to get over it. But the other time I could see that I made a lot of mistakes that contributed to the breakup and eventually it got to the point of, well I can't try anymore. But this relationship I gave my trust to, I opened up my heart and gave of my feelings and at the end I was rejected. Would it ever really stop hurting? Please give me hope, and if you have personal experiences of getting over very painful breakups please do let me know. Thanks.
Merin Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Ahh.. I'm so sorry you're going through so much right now. Yes of course it's normal to have feelings of sadness, regret, confusion and disappointment when a relationship thats meant a lot ends.. in so many ways I do believe it is almost like a "death" as it leaves the person who was "left behind" to pick up the pieces of thier life and learn to function and be happy again without the other.. It's good that you've been "living" your life and getting out.. thats an excellent step in regaining your sense of self.. Don't place a time limit on when you "should" be over things.. you will heal in time.. your own time. As you mentioned.. you've been through this before and it's rough.. and although at the time of the "first" break up with the other guy you might not have understood why things had happend as they did (even seeing your own mistakes later on) you also must know that had the first relationship worked out.. you would not have met and spent 2 years with this last relationship.. point being.. everything happens for a reason, even when you cannot imagine why this has happened in your life.. one door closes and another opens. Allow yourself time to absorb your feelings of sadness, but don't dwell there often or for to long.. Take care
Puma Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 well, i hoep this might help: "donde huvo fuego, siempre hay cenizas" in other words "where there was a flame, will always exist ashes" there is always hope for rekindling those feelings i believe as many other people will atest too, and there are many succces stories also. its just a matter of time and each situation. i wold liek to think that my situation is unqiue..but after comin to this site i found great comfort and realized that a lot of people are goin through the same thing, and in a way that feels good. not good that we all are in heartbrak, but good in that we all can help each other out and advise one another for the goal of movin on and gettin back together..with OURSELVES. u have to be ur own person before u can be with anyone else. ur ex knows who u are..and feel in love with that person, are you tellin me that you cant be that person again? we all change as it is inevitable. it is pointless to tell someone, "dont ever change, stay the way you are" PEOPLE CHANGE!! its human nature..if we do not change then what they hell are we livin for??? to be the exact same way our whole lives? i think not my friends. i understand u have past heartbreak which could be hard on you..and although ya might have made mistakes on that last one, and ya didnt make any this time around cause you learned from them. ur ex needs to learn from his mistake now..and when he does, he will know he made a mistake on losin you and might return. MIGHT it all depends on him..we cant change that. im beginnin to realize that no matter how much of a catch i am and a great guy..my ex knows that and she knows what she missin out on..but she at a point in her life where she cant deal with a relationship because of other priorities such as school, work, family, friends, and enjoyin her young age. i know it hurts me that she ended things abruptly..but i know why she did now..i dont think its right for her to just have ended it, but in a way she was being generous to let me go if she felt she couldnt give me her all, her potential..we want to be loved the same way we are lovin right? well we ahve to understand that no matter what..we still love our ex's and we should maintain that happy feelin between us so that when they are ready to try again..we can choose what we feel is right at that point. maybe even we will be at a point in our lives that we all have moved on and will not want them back..which i find hard to believe cause im so set on my ex bein my one and only, but who knows..only time will tell what will happen. meanwhile, concentrate on you..u dont have to date, u dot ahve to do anything..but dont become a hermit!! well wish ya the best of luck in all you do..and keep us posted as will i ciao persone
Author kisslaboca Posted November 26, 2004 Author Posted November 26, 2004 PUMA and MERIN, Thanks so much for responding to my post and for your kind words. I really needed a friend at this time, and to read your words felt good, like someone was there with me and I get a pat in the back. I appreciate it. This is a hard time to go through, sorry Puma you are going through the same. But I think you have a great attitude, sort of having the hope open but not stopping your life. Sort of like expecting the best but ready for the worst and willing to accept whatever happens in the future. This is a very healthy attitude. U are an inspiration to me, after reading your words I am trying to see things the same way. Thanks really to you both for being here for me. Last night I went out, I went to a thanksgiving dinner party at a friends house. There was a guy there he wanted me to meet. A scotish guy! I don't think Im ready to date yet, but it was nice talking to somene and just laughing for a while. I know I am not ready or don't want to be with anyone yet, but it did give me an excuse to dress really beautifully and sexy. The most important thing is that I got a good feeling about myself last night. I also got lots of compliments and that sort of help my ego, since I was feeling so down before.Well, I will keep hanging in there and just living day by day, doing my best to take care of me. I will keep you guys posted, and will also like to know how you are, so keep me posted yourselfs about your situations. Thanks.
Merin Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Originally posted by kisslaboca PUMA and MERIN, Thanks so much for responding to my post and for your kind words. I really needed a friend at this time, and to read your words felt good, like someone was there with me and I get a pat in the back. I appreciate it. This is a hard time to go through, sorry Puma you are going through the same. But I think you have a great attitude, sort of having the hope open but not stopping your life. Sort of like expecting the best but ready for the worst and willing to accept whatever happens in the future. This is a very healthy attitude. U are an inspiration to me, after reading your words I am trying to see things the same way. Thanks really to you both for being here for me. Last night I went out, I went to a thanksgiving dinner party at a friends house. There was a guy there he wanted me to meet. A scotish guy! I don't think Im ready to date yet, but it was nice talking to somene and just laughing for a while. I know I am not ready or don't want to be with anyone yet, but it did give me an excuse to dress really beautifully and sexy. The most important thing is that I got a good feeling about myself last night. I also got lots of compliments and that sort of help my ego, since I was feeling so down before.Well, I will keep hanging in there and just living day by day, doing my best to take care of me. I will keep you guys posted, and will also like to know how you are, so keep me posted yourselfs about your situations. Thanks. Yay for you! I'm glad you got out and had a good time;) One foot in front of the other girl.. one step at a time.
Puma Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 WORK IT GIRL!!! haha, im really happy to hear that. i know its a self esteem booster, we all like to get complimented on cause it boosts our self confidence.as if mine can get any higher!! hahaha i also went to a get together last night and had the same thing happen..except it kinda threw me off cause my friend told me that the lady wanted to do me some favors!!! haha as if i were easy or somethin come on..if there is one thing that seperates me from most other guys..is that i didnt jump at such an opportunity cause i value myself and i want to keep that sophistication that i unusually have for my age it helps that im pretty hahaha ok i'll stop. either way im glad you took comfort in mine and merins words..we here for each other through this..dont forget that. u can do it! we all can!! as a bit of an update on mine, id appreciate if ya gave ur womans view on a lil contact i had with her yesterday please grazie http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t52174/
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