Standard-Fare Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 I have a situation with one ex where I simply just have to get him off my mind and stop thinking about him, but I'm at a loss of how to achieve that. If procedures existed like the memory-erasing ones in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," I'd be forking over some cash right now. This is an ex from over two years ago, and we only dated for two years. He definitely shouldn't be on my mind anymore. It's not that I'm sitting around pining for him, or trying to get him back. I'm not in love with him, and I don't even think I'd want to be with him if the opportunity arose. I've also dated several other people since our breakup, including two legit "boyfriends." (One of those situations is currently up in the air.) But still, through all this time, the ex from the past has remained a part of my mental backdrop. Often when another man is holding me I'll think of the ex and wish it was him. I think of him at least once a day. Occasionally I get surges of really missing him. Yes, we've had some minimal contact since the breakup, including two times sleeping together. The last time was fairly recent, before he headed abroad for a long-term assignment. It was definitely like a goodbye. But instead of giving me closure, it's just made things worse, confirming for me that I haven't had such a strong connection with anyone else since. Now that he's abroad there's no hope of seeing him, and I know no contact is the way to go. But what about the other aspect of this, that's inside my own head? How do you delete an ex from your mental landscape and free yourself from those thoughts and memories?
Philosoraptor Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 You don't delete the old memories; you make new happy ones by yourself and with others. You'll never fully forget everything, but in time those old memories won't matter anymore. 1
ashketchum Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 You don't. Have you ever seen the movie spirited away? She says this little quote in the movie "ONCE YOU MEET SOMEONE, YOU NEVER REALLY FORGET THEM." You will always love them forever.
Author Standard-Fare Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 You don't. Have you ever seen the movie spirited away? She says this little quote in the movie "ONCE YOU MEET SOMEONE, YOU NEVER REALLY FORGET THEM." You will always love them forever. Here's the thing -- I CAN'T always love him forever. It isn't mentally healthy for me. It's already affected my other relationships (in small ways that exist only in my head, that I don't express to my partners). It's one of the worst feelings in the world to be lying in the arms of a man who you want to try to love -- while secretly wishing those arms belonged to someone else. I've had that experience too many times in the last year. And I need to resolve it.
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