Daisy_Best Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 (edited) I do not know how easy it is to relate to this but I justhad to share it with someone. My husband loves me, but doesn’t do that because he is inlove with me. He loves me because he is a family man and he would love his wife no matter what. He is very successful and respected, and I believe I always respected him and thought he respected me too. But since his company started to grow and he started to feel more and more important, I have a feeling that he hasstarted to see me differently. He criticizes me more and seems to not have much interest to talk about us, as if this is not as important as everything else going on in his life. I have been trying toask him if he respects me and my part in our life and he says yes every time,but I have difficulty believing it. I am successful in my office job too and manage a part of husband’s company too and work hard on all of these. But itseems that nothing is enough for him, he seems to be wanting me to be the best in everything but would not ever say a good word if he sees me successful insomething, as if I achieved just the minimum expected. He criticizes me a lot about my relationship with my daughter who is 3. Yes, that is true, we have a full time nanny/maid who does a lot atthe house and my daughter goes to KG1 already. But does that mean that I am nota mum enough? Between jobs and all the other household requirements, my husband seems to be wanting me to be a traditional mum too. I have many friends that have different styles of being mums and none is better or worse, they are just differentand I am different too. I am starting to feel like, I am not important and can not deal with this feeling. Edited September 24, 2013 by Daisy_Best
Eivuwan Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 I don't know. Have you voiced all these concerns to him? How does he respond?
Balzac Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Why the need for validation? If you have a 3 year old I'm giessing your husband must be early 30ish - prime career focus. If you need time alone w your husband - arrange it - speak up. Nanny and housekeeper make a household run smoothly and remove the arguments over who takes out the trash - they don't remove the obligation to spend marital time and parenting time daily. It's tough being married to an overachiever. Find a way to connect w him. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 It's tough being married to an overachiever. Find a way to connect w him. Even more so when you're also an employee at his company. I once accepted a transfer to a remote location where my employer wanted to open several new branches and, having no staff to start, agreed to have my wife work temporarily for us in a training capacity. Within two weeks, we weren't speaking to each other, a difficult situation both at work and home . I'd guess if you dropped the 2nd job at his company, some of the tension would leave your relationship... Mr. Lucky 1
Author Daisy_Best Posted September 29, 2013 Author Posted September 29, 2013 I kept telling myself if that is about the job, or the pressureor the financial situation and each time I could convince myself. But this time,I feel like I have ran out of excuses to satisfy myself. We had an argument again and that was after many time thathe was finding faults with me. He has been telling me a few times over the pastyear, why I do to saloon too many times. I was shocked at the beginning as Iknow all our female friends go to salon more than I do and that is justsomething women do. I get a manicure/pedicure every 5-6 weeks and dye my hairevery 2 months and occasionally if we got to a party that is important to me, I will get ablow dry. I tried to explain this to him and first he said I was not like thatbefore and I told him before life was different, I was younger, I had not dyed my hair then did not need to maintain it. When he was convinced with this explanation he said when you do things for yourself it feels like you are notwith me and that bothers me. We used to be together all the time. Well, maybe my first reaction as a female should have been ’oh! How lucky I am, my husband can not even tolerate me when I am away from himto do female stuff’. But that was not my reaction, I could not see how he would continue to find faults with me at all expenses and use the female weakness being love to justify it. With such a busy life as ours, that is what bother him? Then he tell me he feels like when I do stuff for myself, Ido it in a way that is like I am focusing on myself and this bothers others. Ashe uses the example of my mom. I do not know what to get out of this. I used this salon example and asked him to just focus on this to help me understand what I shoulddo and not do to have done this right and he kept talking about how he feels. I asked him so I should not go to salon? I should do it differently? and he basically did not have any explanation I am confused, why does he keep finding faults in me and inthese small matters? There is another thing, I like to watch series andespecially crime investigation series. We never watch TV at home, I just watchthe DVDs and when I have time in the evening, I might watch 2-3 episodes. He has never liked this and has always complained. First he used to say that it iswasting my time and I told him that I am doing enough with my life, I am happy with my full time job, running the house and the social life and I can afford to have some leisure time to watch series a few nights a week. When he was satisfied with this, he argued that but you spend this time on your own and not with me
crederer Posted September 30, 2013 Posted September 30, 2013 I dunno you sound very insecure. All of these seem like fairly regular conversations for a long term relationship/marriage. It'd be more concerning if he didn't voice what he was thinking. Just be open minded to his needs, just as he should be open minded to yours, and be careful with the language you use because it might get misconstrued. But doesn't seem like any major issues.
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