Honey565 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 I was in on and off relationship with a guy for almost 10 years. We loved each other a lot and tried very hard to make it real as we lived in different countries. We were very young when we met and were not ready to make that big step of leaving everything and starting new life. That step was on me and he was very supportive and patient for many years, but still we would be breaking up and then returning together. It was really strong love to support all those negative things. In the end he had proposed me and i have left everything to go to live with him in another country, but i was very indecisive and couldn’t make that final step to marry him and decide to stay there with him forever.I needed time. We were living together for 10 months, when i took trip back to my country to visit, but as we were passing though crisis, i have packed all my things in some attempt to see response from him about how much he wants me in his life. But his reaction was opposite… He broke up with me and soon after started dating a girl that was "his friend" during the time we were together, but it was obvious to me that she was liking him. That hurt me a lot and the fact that he went publicly on Facebook with that relationship so soon after break up.That didn't look like him at all. In the first year of break up we kept contact by meeting online "accidentally" from time to time, every 3-4 months. We would start chatting normally but every chat would last hours and will eventually end up in talk about our relationship, mutual blaming. He had tied my hands with that relationship, because i would be more open about my feelings and i felt lots of guilt, because i felt that i pushed him away and directly into her arms with my own behavior and indecisive acting. I loved him a lot, but i just wasn't ready. My ego and pride was so hurt with the fact that he was with her, that i had no courage to open myself and talk about my feelings, but eventually i did. I told him that i loved him, that we should get back together if we love and to make something out of us. He had told me that he loved me as well, that i am love of his life but that we had enough chances and that now he was with somebody else. It was big hit. I felt awful, but in some way relieved. I felt that i have tried everything and that it's time to move on and not to continue hurting myself. After that we had one more chat, with similar scenario. We ended talking about us for hours, in which he would be saying how he misses me but after that same scenario would repeat. It was psychological game, he didn't want to let me go but he didn't want me in his life either. I have decided to cut the contact. I didn't say anything, i have just disappeared. I never showed any interest anymore. After 6 months of no contact i started noticing some strange signs on facebook, like his friend sending request for me to be friends (and i have erased my ex and all his friends), then some would ping me…then mutual acquaintance messaged me to ask me how i was…but i ignored. When his birthday arrived and it was 8 months after no contact, i have decided to congratulate him. I have accepted that he wants to continue his life without me and yet we don’t need to be enemies and plus, i wanted to put end to a story, for me..not for him. We talked very nicely to each other, about life, what we do, where we are and he had told me that he looked my Facebook account to see where i am and how he knows where i traveled. And i was very joyful, joking all the time, i really did the best to be relaxed and to seem relaxed. I wished him the best from my heart and how i think we shouldn’t be enemies and he had told me that i was correct in seeing him as enemy because he had behaved bad with me, how he was confused and angry and didn’t think clearly to think good about what he was doing and how sometimes he thinks that our breakup was for the best of both and sometimes he thinks that he made . I responded that people make mistakes and told him that i forgave him all mistakes and wished him the best. He had told me that he wouldn’t like that we lose contact and i have told him that he can contact me whenever he feels need. He also told me that i was and still am big part of his life. He didn’t ask me if i was with somebody, he didn’t mention his romantic state, nothing. Twenty days later it was my birthday and he congratulated and he talked again nicely, like two good old friends, we laughed, joked, talked about lives but again, he didn’t ask anything, neither he said anything about his life. We didn’t talk about our past relationship, but he joked in one moment telling me, how he thinks he is an idiot. And that was all. Since then passed 3 months and no contact. Recently i again received facebook request from his friend, which i ignored. I am pretty much confused. It’s not that i want him back. It has been two years and my life moved on a lot even though i am not with anybody. I never look his profile, i don’t have contact with anybody from there, i just don’t want to bother myself. Neither i wish to have contact with him. But sometimes i catch myself thinking…what does this all means, does he misses me or is he really happy moving on.
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