Confident guy turn insecure?

[deni9]

My boyfriend use to be sooooo confident. I cant express how confident he was, to the point he was conceded. he is very charming. It took him 2 months for me to say yes, to be his girlfriend. Since he worked his butt to have me. He dropped every girl to be me with me. Why? I have no idea. Later in our relationship he was turning somewhat insecure.

He confessed to me that he was a virgin and he lied that he wasn't just to have me. And now he feels that he isn't experience enough and cant please me. He has told me that my past bothers him because he constantly thinking that I probably enjoyed some others guy penis better or this guy was better. He says he feels like he has to compete with so many guys. Guys from my past and guys that try to get with me now.

He was telling me how he wasn't good enough for me, that I deserved this and that (thinking that I wanted a certain celebrity looking type of guy)

He tells me to be a jerk to other guys if they approach me any where (especially in college)

He tells me "stop looking at that guy" when if im staring at a guys direction, but in reality im not even noticing the guy till he mentions it

He wont let me go to events without him

 

He never gives me an explanation on why he is acting such way.

I just don't understand on how or why he turned this way.

 

I always reassure him that he is perfect for me and all, but sometimes I feel like he thinks I am lying.

 

He tells me that the more he falls for me the more he gets upset about the little stuff. He apologies for his behavior.

 

and the scary part is that most of my ex were like this too.

My ex was 26 and he carried himself very well. no one would believe he was the way he was with me.

And with my current bf now, you look at him and you wouldn't think he would be insecure at all. He dress well, he has class, and amazing hair

I just cant understand why they turn insecure. Am I doing something wrong?

Do guys normally act like this??

Edited September 24, 2013 by deni9

[SJC2008]

Am I doing something wrong?

Do guys normally act like this??

 

I can't say that you're doing something "wrong" but it seems that you attract and/or are attracted to controlling men.

[Carenth]

Insecure guys act like this. I know enough of them have a tough exterior or so it seems break that fragile frame and they are nothing but a ball of insecurities and worries.

 

The problem is these frames are only designed to be used in short interactions with people to impress. However once they get someone they don't know what to do and end off scaring the person they care about off with their insecurity.

 

The fact is it is really unattractive and somewhat insulting when someone says "you deserve so much better..." because they are basically saying your judgement is wrong. You chose wrong by choosing them. Eventually you end up believing that.

 

Not to mention it seems he is very jealous and controlling. If I was to give him advice it would be to chill the **** out and be happy that he found someone he cares about. However these type of guys are their own worst enemy and self saboteur of relationships.

 

Sorry for the ramble to answer your question. Your boyfriend was never confident it was an act. What he is showing now is who he really is. He obviously has some issues he has to work out which I can't really give advice on.

[Ninjainpajamas]

My boyfriend use to be sooooo confident. I cant express how confident he was, to the point he was conceded. he is very charming. It took him 2 months for me to say yes, to be his girlfriend.

 

Must young women always be so naive?

 

He isn't confident, it was a facade to appearing more confident.

 

Since he worked his butt to have me. He dropped every girl to be me with me. Why? I have no idea.

 

Yeah right, dropped every girl to be with you lol...you have no idea, but to me this sounds like BS...the guys insecure.

 

Later in our relationship he was turning somewhat insecure.

 

Obviously.

 

He confessed to me that he was a virgin and he lied that he wasn't just to have me. And now he feels that he isn't experience enough and cant please me. He has told me that my past bothers him because he constantly thinking that I probably enjoyed some others guy penis better or this guy was better. He says he feels like he has to compete with so many guys. Guys from my past and guys that try to get with me now.

 

Young buck anxiety and also reveals he didn't really have that many options...in fact he probably strayed away from other women that intimidated him.

 

He was telling me how he wasn't good enough for me, that I deserved this and that (thinking that I wanted a certain celebrity looking type of guy)

 

Just an excuse...a lot of guys use that line.

 

He tells me to be a jerk to other guys if they approach me any where (especially in college)

He tells me "stop looking at that guy" when if im staring at a guys direction, but in reality im not even noticing the guy till he mentions it

He wont let me go to events without him

 

Just jealous and insecure...surprise surprise (to you at least)

He never gives me an explanation on why he is acting such way.

I just don't understand on how or why he turned this way.

 

He didn't turn....this is who he is, he just BS'd you into believing he was someone he was not because you fell for the facade...like most young women, thinking they know a man just because of how he acts in the "beginning"....it's an act, just like it is for many women.

I always reassure him that he is perfect for me and all, but sometimes I feel like he thinks I am lying.

 

He doesn't want you to be right...he's not listening anyway, his insecurity is within himself...doesn't have anything to do with you.

He tells me that the more he falls for me the more he gets upset about the little stuff. He apologies for his behavior.

 

Insecure...he's not falling for you anymore, that means he's feeling vulnerable of you seeing the real him..that's all.

and the scary part is that most of my ex were like this too.

My ex was 26 and he carried himself very well. no one would believe he was the way he was with me.

And with my current bf now, you look at him and you wouldn't think he would be insecure at all. He dress well, he has class, and amazing hair

 

Sounds like you've got a type.

 

I just cant understand why they turn insecure. Am I doing something wrong?

Do guys normally act like this??

 

Yes, insecure guys who have to win the affection of some lady who appears "confident" is appealing to them because they want to validate that their own self-esteem.

 

Has nothing to do with you....this is who they are behind the smoke and mirrors.

 

They tend to be: controlling, jealous, short-tempered, anxious, uncomfortable, and most importantly....apologetic after it's all said and done, but only after they've gone too far.

Edited September 24, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas

[Rugger1869]

my boyfriend use to be sooooo confident. I cant express how confident he was, to the point he was conceded. He is very charming. It took him 2 months for me to say yes, to be his girlfriend.

 

must young women always be so naive?

 

He isn't confident, it was a facade to appearing more confident.

 

 

since he worked his butt to have me. He dropped every girl to be me with me. Why? I have no idea.

 

yeah right, dropped every girl to be with you lol...you have no idea, but to me this sounds like bs...the guys insecure.

 

later in our relationship he was turning somewhat insecure.

 

obviously.

 

he confessed to me that he was a virgin and he lied that he wasn't just to have me. And now he feels that he isn't experience enough and cant please me. He has told me that my past bothers him because he constantly thinking that i probably enjoyed some others guy penis better or this guy was better. He says he feels like he has to compete with so many guys. Guys from my past and guys that try to get with me now.

 

young buck anxiety and also reveals he didn't really have that many options...in fact he probably strayed away from other women that intimidated him.

 

he was telling me how he wasn't good enough for me, that i deserved this and that (thinking that i wanted a certain celebrity looking type of guy)

 

just an excuse...a lot of guys use that line.

 

he tells me to be a jerk to other guys if they approach me any where (especially in college)

he tells me "stop looking at that guy" when if im staring at a guys direction, but in reality im not even noticing the guy till he mentions it

he wont let me go to events without him

 

just jealous and insecure...surprise surprise (to you at least)

 

he never gives me an explanation on why he is acting such way.

i just don't understand on how or why he turned this way.

 

he didn't turn....this is who he is, he just bs'd you into believing he was someone he was not because you fell for the facade...like most young women, thinking they know a man just because of how he acts in the "beginning"....it's an act, just like it is for many women.

 

i always reassure him that he is perfect for me and all, but sometimes i feel like he thinks i am lying.

 

he doesn't want you to be right...he's not listening anyway, his insecurity is within himself...doesn't have anything to do with you.

 

he tells me that the more he falls for me the more he gets upset about the little stuff. He apologies for his behavior.

 

insecure...he's not falling for you anymore, that means he's feeling vulnerable of you seeing the real him..that's all.

 

and the scary part is that most of my ex were like this too.

my ex was 26 and he carried himself very well. No one would believe he was the way he was with me.

and with my current bf now, you look at him and you wouldn't think he would be insecure at all. He dress well, he has class, and amazing hair

 

sounds like you've got a type.

 

i just cant understand why they turn insecure. Am i doing something wrong?

do guys normally act like this??

 

yes, insecure guys who have to win the affection of some lady who appears "confident" is appealing to them because they want to validate that their own self-esteem.

 

Has nothing to do with you....this is who they are behind the smoke and mirrors.

 

They tend to be: Controlling, jealous, short-tempered, anxious, uncomfortable, and most importantly....apologetic after it's all said and done, but only after they've gone too far.

 

 

nailed it!