Girlfriend is emotionally immature

[shankers]

I really believe that my girlfriend is unfortunately a ten year old in a 23year old woman's body. Example time.

 

 

 

Insecure- This woman is EXTREMELY insecure. So i have to constantly reassure her. Highly needy and a lot of high emotional drama. Along with this comes jealousy, trust issues, the whole nine yards. I constantly hear "stop staring at other women" at least 4 times a day. I don't stare but if I notice a woman (or even if the woman happens to be in my line of sight) its the end of the day. Most of the times I dont even see the women she is telling me about. Overexaggerates situations that really dont need to be to the point where it seems like its a pity party. When she gets mad and I need my space she cant give it to me..at all. She tends to fling herself in front of the door (kind of barricades it) if I need to leave the room to vent. Pretty much prevents me from leaving. Doesn't understand the concept of I need space from you because she needs to talk it out and be comforted. Therefore I never get my space which makes matters WAY worse.

 

 

 

Lateness- She is chronically late. Im not talking 10-15 minutes late im talking 2 hours late ALL THE TIME. Sometimes shes 30 mins late if im lucky. Every time she is late she NEVER owns up. Its always this happened or that happened. Boss picks a fight with her or the train/bus was late. You name it she has used it as an excuse as to why she is late. She was two hours late to our year long anniversary. She knows I hate tardy behavior. In addition in recently bought tickets to a convention. Gave her the money because I didn't want my dad to see the transaction on my account (it was my hard earned money but still). We had been planning to go to it for months. ALL she had to do was put the money into her account and buy the tickets. She didn't buy the tickets after two weeks of me constantly reminding her and the tickets sold out. Claims she forgot even though she knows how important it is to me. BTW not buying tickets to the convention and her being later to the anniversary happened in the last 2 weeks. SO you can already imagine all of the other shenanigans I have had to put up with.

 

 

 

Other odd facts- Parents cant know we are dating (strict Asian family and wont let her date until college is completed). She has no car but I dont mind driving as long as she is on time (which she never is). We arent friends on fb but she really never uses it. However all her exes are friends on fb.

Now she is a very nice girl. When she is not having her insecurity moments and neediness. We click very well together. But if something upsets her equilibrium lets call it, bad things happen. Starts to have irrational thoughts. Plays the victim mentality card. Starts jumping to really ridiculous conclusions. Its almost as if when she doesn't get her way there is massive drama and complaining. We are supposed to have an end all be all talk this Sunday so I can figure out why she still doesn't trust me after a year of being together. I even gave her my deceased mothers hats that she used to wear on her vacation. Girlfriend still doesn't trust me. The only disloyal thing i have ever done was dance with another girl when i was smashed and yelled at her on the phone (that was a whole nother issue which involved her still wanting to be civil with her ex bf but i didnt want it because he caused a **** ton of problems for us already). That was back in February. She claims she has never had trust issues when it comes to her ex. I know she is not cheating on me due to the fact that we are around each other so much (up until recently because of school starting up). She is SO much stress....

 

 

 

What should I do as I am very confused.

[Keke1]

I really believe that my girlfriend is unfortunately a ten year old in a 23year old woman's body. Example time.

 

 

 

Insecure- This woman is EXTREMELY insecure. So i have to constantly reassure her. Highly needy and a lot of high emotional drama. Along with this comes jealousy, trust issues, the whole nine yards. I constantly hear "stop staring at other women" at least 4 times a day. I don't stare but if I notice a woman (or even if the woman happens to be in my line of sight) its the end of the day. Most of the times I dont even see the women she is telling me about. Overexaggerates situations that really dont need to be to the point where it seems like its a pity party. When she gets mad and I need my space she cant give it to me..at all. She tends to fling herself in front of the door (kind of barricades it) if I need to leave the room to vent. Pretty much prevents me from leaving. Doesn't understand the concept of I need space from you because she needs to talk it out and be comforted. Therefore I never get my space which makes matters WAY worse.

 

 

 

Lateness- She is chronically late. Im not talking 10-15 minutes late im talking 2 hours late ALL THE TIME. Sometimes shes 30 mins late if im lucky. Every time she is late she NEVER owns up. Its always this happened or that happened. Boss picks a fight with her or the train/bus was late. You name it she has used it as an excuse as to why she is late. She was two hours late to our year long anniversary. She knows I hate tardy behavior. In addition in recently bought tickets to a convention. Gave her the money because I didn't want my dad to see the transaction on my account (it was my hard earned money but still). We had been planning to go to it for months. ALL she had to do was put the money into her account and buy the tickets. She didn't buy the tickets after two weeks of me constantly reminding her and the tickets sold out. Claims she forgot even though she knows how important it is to me. BTW not buying tickets to the convention and her being later to the anniversary happened in the last 2 weeks. SO you can already imagine all of the other shenanigans I have had to put up with.

 

 

 

Other odd facts- Parents cant know we are dating (strict Asian family and wont let her date until college is completed). She has no car but I dont mind driving as long as she is on time (which she never is). We arent friends on fb but she really never uses it. However all her exes are friends on fb.

Now she is a very nice girl. When she is not having her insecurity moments and neediness. We click very well together. But if something upsets her equilibrium lets call it, bad things happen. Starts to have irrational thoughts. Plays the victim mentality card. Starts jumping to really ridiculous conclusions. Its almost as if when she doesn't get her way there is massive drama and complaining. We are supposed to have an end all be all talk this Sunday so I can figure out why she still doesn't trust me after a year of being together. I even gave her my deceased mothers hats that she used to wear on her vacation. Girlfriend still doesn't trust me. The only disloyal thing i have ever done was dance with another girl when i was smashed and yelled at her on the phone (that was a whole nother issue which involved her still wanting to be civil with her ex bf but i didnt want it because he caused a **** ton of problems for us already). That was back in February. She claims she has never had trust issues when it comes to her ex. I know she is not cheating on me due to the fact that we are around each other so much (up until recently because of school starting up). She is SO much stress....

 

 

 

What should I do as I am very confused.

@ BOLD Except when she's two hours late right?

 

@ UNDERLINED Lol no you dont

[xpaperxcutx]

Look up BPD. She sounds like she has borderline personality disorder ( I know because I have it too) and it's not going to get any better. People with BPD are like children stuck in an adult body, they never grew up maturely, and because they are usually stuck in a fantasy world, they will manipulate those around them to get their way.

 

If she's not in therapy to get her BPD under control, those closest to her are the ones who will suffer.

 

You are already aware she's emotionally draining, that's because BPD sufferers live for drama. Please don't think you can always be there for her. Unless she's seeking professional help, you need to get away from her.

[shankers]

I dont think she manipulates...she just complains ALOT (whether it be for attention of the victim mentality part). Neither does she have qualities that cause self injury. However i definitely think reactive is word i would def use to describe her as well a needing constant attention. As well as very insecure and cant control any type of emotions she has. Also lives in the past (however i have hear most women do this). We have had talks about her insecurities harming the relationship as well as her trust issues MANY times before...nothing has changed. She realizes she has to change it but doesn't. Is it possible that BPD is a stretch?

[Ninjainpajamas]

Head case...move on.

 

No you can't fix it or change it.

 

And to answer your future futile questions;

 

- Nope, not going to work

- Doesn't matter

- Not going to change

- Nope, that's not right either.

[carhill]

What should I do as I am very confused.

 

First, grab all the cages with the dead canaries and remove them and yourself from the coal mine. Then, dispose of the dead bodies and replace with fresh canaries. Avoid this particular mine as it apparently is belching noxious gases which can be hazardous to your health. As mining is a hazardous occupation, always keep the canaries with you and, when one keels over, get the heck outta there.

 

Translation: Pay attention to signs of incompatibility and end relationships which aren't productive or desirable.

[shankers]

Im just really upset because she said she hasnt been this way with past exes...SO i am very confused. Also she cant lie. literally she cant. I can call her on her bull**** when she does right away. She told me most of the reasons why she broke up with her exes. None of the included this behavior IMO.

[shankers]

thats really deep lol

[deathandtaxes]

Sprint very fast and far away from this. Her lateness is abusive. It shows an extreme lack of respect for you. And the insecurity - do you want to be this girl's shrink?

[mtber75]

She's disrespecting you by bringing up her exes! That just means that she's trying to measure you up with them which is like bullsh*t in my book.. Your not a third wheel man! Man up and leave this head case! Unless you like being around drama?

[Sweeetie]

Get rid of this girl and find someone who makes you happy, not someone who makes you feel emotionally drained! She doesn't respect you and bombards you with criticism, is this the way you want to spend your young years? It'll destroy your life pal.

[truth_seeker]

But if something upsets her equilibrium lets call it, bad things happen. Starts to have irrational thoughts. Plays the victim mentality card. Starts jumping to really ridiculous conclusions. Its almost as if when she doesn't get her way there is massive drama and complaining.

 

She sounds like a princess

 

Doesn't get her way, she plays the victim or creates drama. Just a pain in the ass. Get a new girlfriend.

 

I should take my own advice here.

[ExpatInItaly]

Im just really upset because she said she hasnt been this way with past exes...SO i am very confused. Also she cant lie. literally she cant. I can call her on her bull**** when she does right away. She told me most of the reasons why she broke up with her exes. None of the included this behavior IMO.

 

OP, please remember that you're hearing HER version of events. She is not emotionally stable - do you truly believe she's being completely honest about how the relationships ended?

 

Also, how you do possibly know she hasn't been this way with exes? I recently ended a relationship with a man who sounds a lot like your current girl. I always suspected his extreme jealousy and emotional immaturity lead to his previous break-ups. He denied that, but guess what? I happened to meet another woman he used to date, and the picture she painted of the relationship was VASTLY different from his version. His unbalanced and emotionally abusive behaviour was indeed a leading cause of the split. Colour me NOT SHOCKED.

[pteromom]

I constantly hear "stop staring at other women" at least 4 times a day. I don't stare but if I notice a woman (or even if the woman happens to be in my line of sight) its the end of the day. Most of the times I dont even see the women she is telling me about.

 

Quit reassuring her and helping her get a payoff from this behavior. Don't even play the game or get involved in a discussion about it. Actually - tell her next time it comes up that you don't look at other women, and you are no longer going to defend yourself or discuss it when she brings it up. Then don't.

 

When she gets mad and I need my space she cant give it to me..at all. She tends to fling herself in front of the door (kind of barricades it) if I need to leave the room to vent. Pretty much prevents me from leaving. Doesn't understand the concept of I need space from you because she needs to talk it out and be comforted. Therefore I never get my space which makes matters WAY worse.

 

Take your "space" in the room with her. Just sit down on the couch or bed or wherever, close your eyes, and do not engage with her. Tell her you are taking a break and won't be talking with her until you get one.

 

 

Lateness- She is chronically late. Im not talking 10-15 minutes late im talking 2 hours late ALL THE TIME. Sometimes shes 30 mins late if im lucky.

 

Make plans that allow you to start doing whatever it is without her. So instead of meeting at home and going somewhere together, meet at wherever you are going. If you are going out to dinner, meet at the restaurant. Give her like 10 minutes and if she doesn't show up, order dinner and start eating. Doing this a few times will cure her lateness.

 

 

But if something upsets her equilibrium lets call it, bad things happen. Starts to have irrational thoughts. Plays the victim mentality card. Starts jumping to really ridiculous conclusions.

 

It takes two to argue, and you can choose to simply not play that game with her.

 

What should I do as I am very confused.

 

Try to see what you can do to change the patterns in your relationship, and if she still doesn't trust you and acts irrational, you will have to decide whether to live with it or leave.

[KatZee]

I got a migraine just reading this whole thing. Not sure how you've put up with this chick for over a year.

 

Entitled, selfish, and disrespectful are just a few of the terms I have for her.

[Pistol pete]

This sounds worrying similar to a girl I once dated :\ however her lateness record was only 1 hour 40, I feel for you... In many ways though, she makes your gf sound very mature!

 

I can tell you from experience that this will not get any better, get out now and do not waste months of your life on something that is going nowhere.