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I want him to understand my pain

emva07

By emva07
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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emva07 Established Member

emva07

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Posted (edited)

I know it's unrealistic for someone to expect someone else to understand them.

 

But I just want my ex to really understand all the pain he put me through. All the pain his cheating put me through. He says he does understand but they were slip ups, that all men slip up once in a while... to which I say then you don't understand! I even found out that while he was courting me, he was with someone else. The whole time our relationship was developing, he was seeing her from time to time. That is not a slip up! A slip up is someone cheating years into a relationship! Then it was MY fault that I became a jealous girl, when before that I was super chill and trusted him. But of course, I was the one that needed to change my jealous ways....not him change his cheating ways.

 

We have been NC for a long time, but whenever it's broken, it becomes like word vomit....Me constantly reminding him of all the evil things he did to me, as if that's going to do anything.

 

How can it be so easy for someone to just expect you to forgive and forget? That's so selfish. They don't even understand half of the pain they put you through?? It's so matter-of-fact to them.

 

I always repeat the same **** to him as if that's going to magically going to make him realize all the pain he put me through but reality is, he was the aggressor, so no, he will never understand MY pain. It makes me angry how someone can be like "oh yeah, I cheated....now it's your job to forgive me, get over it"

 

I was watching American Horror Story 1st season and that's also exactly how the guy deals with it. He gets mad at HER for not getting over it and wanting to go back to the way things were.

Edited by emva07
melell Established Member

melell

Posted
Posted

When you are over him, and you feel very little about it, you will realize that that is pretty much how he while you were together.

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Ethliz Member

Ethliz

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Posted

He won't understand it until it happens to him or until you back away from him, let him think about why things happened and why he isn't with you now. Even still... He may not get it. Lol. Forget it I say, it happened and the only one it keeps hurting is you because he won't let it hurt him, see he's being smart.... He's not really processing it through. You should forget it and that's when he'll start to realize he hurt a good woman NO NEED TO KEEP MENTIONING IT, remind him of what an amazing person you are by being happy yourself, that's when he'll realize he truly messed up and he'll FEEL THE BURN!! Hehehe... >:} Be happy girl, there are better thing to preocupy your mind on.

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skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

Posted
Posted
I know it's unrealistic for someone to expect someone else to understand them.

 

But I just want my ex to really understand all the pain he put me through. All the pain his cheating put me through.

 

He understands. He just doesn't care about what you're going through.

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

don't ever expect a sorry..or ever expect anyone to feel what you do only empaths could..true empaths are a rarity.......do not wish pain on anyone because you do know what that pain feels like....and forgive.......just for you...one day you will not know the pain of another caused by you........ and you will need unspoken forgiveness........so that person who you hurt has the capacity to move on..its caring that was given to us from above.......a god sent principal that alleviates pain we feel when we get hurt...forgiveness.......hugs...deb

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melell Established Member

melell

Posted
Posted
Huh? How he what ?

 

Sorry, how he 'felt'.

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted

My ex cheated on me early on in our relationship and he didn't tell me until we were together for almost 3 years. He did the same thing your guy is doing. He would get mad at me if I brought it up and wanted to talk about it.

 

All he wanted to do was sweep it under the rug and forget it ever happened. In his mind, he was so relieved he finally told me. The weight was off his shoulders and he was able to go on in our relationship no problem.

 

I on the other hand was destroyed and he didn't comprehend this at all. He thought that I should just get over it. I stayed with him just like you're staying with yours. I'll tell you how this ends.

 

Miserably.

 

Staying with him was the biggest mistake of my life. He was unable to relate to me, and I was unable to move on due to his selfishness, and inability to work with me to get through his infidelity.

 

He wound up dumping me about 9 months after he confessed. HE did. As if he had the reasons to leave the relationship. The anger I harbored for months because of that were the worst months of my life. I regret not dumping his sorry, pathetic, lying and cheating a.ss when he confessed.

 

First of all, all people make mistakes yes. Cheating is NOT a "slip up" nor is it a "mistake." It is a choice that cowardly, selfish, and self absorbed people make, and then excuse as something that "just happens." The fact that he can't even own up to it and really feel remorse tells me that he's going to do it again, and if you stay with him in this relationship, you're going to know what it feels like to be cheated on AGAIN.

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emva07 Established Member

emva07

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Posted (edited)

We have been broken up for a while now.

 

But he just called me from some random number imploring me to take him back. Saying that's not who he is anymore and that seeing his life without me has changed him, that he is truly sorry for all the heartbreak he caused me. And this all makes me cry because these are all things I WISHED he had been when we were together. We could've been so happy if he hadn't been so selfish.

 

I don't want to believe this! These are all lies!

 

It's all "me,me,me,me,me"

 

He needs me in HIS life, but what about my life? I need someone who is caring and faithful.

 

He has not changed in two months. I don't think I could ever trust him again even if YEARS go by. I don't even want to try fixing it, I just want someone new.

Edited by emva07
KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted
We have been broken up for a while now.

 

I don't want to believe this! These are all lies!

 

It's all "me,me,me,me,me"

 

He needs me in HIS life, but what about my life? I need someone who is caring and faithful.

 

He has not changed in two months. I don't think I could ever trust him again even if YEARS go by. I don't even want to try fixing it, I just want someone new.

 

 

Good. Keep it that way. It has always been, and will always be about him. His wants, his needs. His urge to screw someone who wasn't you. Then his need for you in his life... wah wah wah... lets everyone on this forum sit and shed a tear for this guy. :rolleyes:

 

Maybe he does really feel horribly but that's his burden now. It's not up to you to ease his guilt and suffering. He SHOULD have consequences for his actions. Now he'll know that he can't cheat and get away with it.

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