Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 You learn to identify red flags and what NOT to do. Its all apart of dating and life. You'll be just fine Barky amen brother
Peanut9330 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 i know its mean to say, but i hope you laughed right in his face! I did and he cried but many years ago I was the one crying and all he did was turn his back to me and go sleep with that other woman. Why should I welcome him back and even care about how he feels now. 2
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 I did and he cried but many years ago I was the one crying and all he did was turn his back to me and go sleep with that other woman. Why should I welcome him back and even care about how he feels now. so true & good for you! that's why I like the saying from Pablo Neruda, "love is so short, forgetting is so long" except if you're the dumper and than you have a super short memory for all the pain & hurt you caused!
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 My Ex has said Happy Birthday to me for 3+ years. She isn't trying to hurt me, be cruel or playing a sadistic game. She honestly means well. Now I don't care one way or another but I don't see why you are getting all twisted in a pretzel over something so trivial as a Happy Birthday message. My advice... Grow some thicker skin because in the dating / relationship world... you are really going to need it. Otherwise, you will become a very bitter and man hating woman. next time, why don't you read my entire initial post first before replying.. of course I would not have gotten upset over a mere happy bday greeting (duh!) but i can guarantee if YOUR ex also included in her greetings to you how much she missed you & that she was 'yours forever' (esp after only 4 wks of NC?) & then IGNORED your replies to her, you wouldn't take it so lightly either...sheesh
Peanut9330 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 (edited) My Ex has said Happy Birthday to me for 3+ years. She isn't trying to hurt me, be cruel or playing a sadistic game. She honestly means well. Now I don't care one way or another but I don't see why you are getting all twisted in a pretzel over something so trivial as a Happy Birthday message. Her break up and pain is still relatively fresh and the way her ex wrote her it gave her false hope. He intentionally led her on only to leave her high and dry and that's like reliving the break up all over again. I'm sure she wouldn't have been so broken about it if he had just written happy birthday hope you're well. Instead he chose to make it personal like he had some type of feelings still left for her, and that's why it hurt her and affected her as much as it did. Edited September 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Her break up and pain is still relatively fresh and the way her ex wrote her it gave her false hope. He intentionally led her on only to leave her high and dry and that's like reliving the break up all over again. I'm sure she wouldn't have been so broken about it if he had just written happy birthday hope you're well. Instead he chose to make it personal like he had some type of feelings still left for her, and that's why it hurt her and affected her as much as it did. thank you peanut for understanding my pain so well, I truly appreciate it!
Peanut9330 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 She came on here to get some support regarding how she was feeling, she realizes now that it was a bad move to text him back. She learned from this experience and is taking proactive steps to move forward with her life. It's not about having thicker skin she simply didn't know any better and responded to her ex while she was still healing form the breakup. Many of us made that mistake in the past and learned form it. She was in NC and not stalking her ex it wasn't until he contacted her that she broke NC. She just needed some support when she was feeling down that's why she posted here. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 She came on here to get some support regarding how she was feeling, she realizes now that it was a bad move to text him back. She learned from this experience and is taking proactive steps to move forward with her life. It's not about having thicker skin she simply didn't know any better and responded to her ex while she was still healing form the breakup. Many of us made that mistake in the past and learned form it. She was in NC and not stalking her ex it wasn't until he contacted her that she broke NC. She just needed some support when she was feeling down that's why she posted here. thank you again for your support! however, I don't think it was a bad move for me to respond to him cuz I am finally seeing him without the rose-colored glasses and his ugly character is so clear i think i truly dodged a bullet here cuz he could have messed me up so much worse than he did and i so know now that if i let him back in my life it wouldn't be pretty for me AT ALL! like Barky said i've learned to read the red flags and am really moving forward now!! it took me believing his sweet words & getting rejected this second time to see the truth, this is worth the pain. 1
Peanut9330 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 thank you again for your support! however, I don't think it was a bad move for me to respond to him cuz I am finally seeing him without the rose-colored glasses and his ugly character is so clear i think i truly dodged a bullet here cuz he could have messed me up so much worse than he did and i so know now that if i let him back in my life it wouldn't be pretty for me AT ALL! like Barky said i've learned to read the red flags and am really moving forward now!! it took me believing his sweet words & getting rejected this second time to see the truth, this is worth the pain. Exactly what I was trying to get across that you learned form this experience and are now moving on and sometimes it takes a mistake to open our eyes. I learned the exact same way as you did I took the bait got hurt all over again but learned from my experience and moved on. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 No I got your point... you didn't get mine. 1. Know thyself - There was a LONG period of time I KNEW I was not in a place / condition to handle talking / communicating or seeing my Ex. You are in that place and will probably be there for a long time too. Plus there are "strings" (whether or not he responds in a certain time-frame or way) attached should you talk / see / communicate with your Ex. 2. Don't be your own worst enemy - If a simple message causes you this much grief and anguish... PREVENT IT FROM HAPPENING and DON'T RESPOND. 3. Grow some thicker skin - Accept the message for what it was and don't make it worse than it was. Which was, a thoughtful Happy Birthday message. How many people on here bitch and moan about not getting one? your first 2 points are valid ones but for your third point.. IMO a thoughtful bday message to someone you dumped a month earlier would not include misleading emotional messages ('I miss you so much' & 'yours forever'? >he never said that to me before, so come on!!) THEN completely ignore my replies to him. my point was not his message so much but how he was misleading (possibly purposely) and his refusal to respond to my contact after HE initiated it. that is just inconsiderate & selfish behavior and yes, I have now fully blocked him from having further contact with me
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 ... and him being an assclown. if only there was a way to recognize an 'assclown' from a safe distance, our dating lives would be so much better!
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