Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 He sent me birthday greetings yesterday (after I asked him 4 wks ago not to contact me unless he wanted something real), & that he missed me and signed it "yours forever." I impulsively sent him a thank you and said I missed him too. Got no response. Of course that didn't stop my breaking NC binge and so a few hours later I sent him another message asking what he meant by "yours forever"? Guess what? No response. Did that stop me, Noooo it did not Tried to send him another message today (I really thought maaaybe he wasn't getting my responses and that's why he wasn't responding!!) but got the address wrong and it bounced back to me and then I spent all this time trying to figure out if he was faking a error message to me!! (oh our crazy brains!!) Finally I've calmed down, am not feeling too upset (surprisingly ) and think I can now just let it be. Why did he have to say that "yours forever" bit? I think I could have ignored the missing you comment (well, maybe anyway) but his other comment just got my hopes up I am a silly silly FOOL.
Peanut9330 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Don't beat yourself up it's hard to ignore when they send messages like that especially if we're still feeling the pain of the breakup. I remember my ex called on my birthday while his new girlfriend was at his house telling me how much he misses me. I didn't put any face value to what he was saying in these instances actions speak louder than words. It's so hard to ignore messages like that because they give us false hope and we hope something more will come of it. Trust me I've been there but after the first time I got burned I just ignored him completely I stopped worrying if he was going to come back or not. I couldn't live like that anymore hoping and waiting, as scary as it was I let him go and started focusing on my life. Each day got easier and finally one day I stopped looking back just kept moving foreword. Hang in there and get on here anytime you need support we all hit bumps in the road. 4
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Don't beat yourself up it's hard to ignore when they send messages like that especially if we're still feeling the pain of the breakup. I remember my ex called on my birthday while his new girlfriend was at his house telling me how much he misses me. I didn't put any face value to what he was saying in these instances actions speak louder than words. It's so hard to ignore messages like that because they give us false hope and we hope something more will come of it. Trust me I've been there but after the first time I got burned I just ignored him completely I stopped worrying if he was going to come back or not. I couldn't live like that anymore hoping and waiting, as scary as it was I let him go and started focusing on my life. Each day got easier and finally one day I stopped looking back just kept moving foreword. Hang in there and get on here anytime you need support we all hit bumps in the road. thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it! and I really hope that I do start looking forward more (instead of all this looking backwards!! = it's hard to look where you're going and end up stumbling quite a bit )
Simon Phoenix Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 At least you don't have to wonder "What if?" anymore.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 At least you don't have to wonder "What if?" anymore. true, but there's little comfort in this knowledge..
Simon Phoenix Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 true, but there's little comfort in this knowledge.. True, which is why we all advised against it. But now you know that he "wasn't waiting for you to contact and wasn't scared to contact you", which seemed to be your biggest hangup with the whole NC thing. So the fact that you won't have that thought banging around in your brain is a good thing. Either way, it's over. Now you know. Go back to NC and keep it until you don't even consider it NC any more.
malin819 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 sometimes people are just nice I always send a txts for xmas, new year and birthday I never expect a reply but I shared nice moments with some people and wish them the best
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 sometimes people are just nice I always send a txts for xmas, new year and birthday I never expect a reply but I shared nice moments with some people and wish them the best I agree, except why did he have to add "yours forever"???? that's what got me to respond to him!!
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 True, which is why we all advised against it. But now you know that he "wasn't waiting for you to contact and wasn't scared to contact you", which seemed to be your biggest hangup with the whole NC thing. So the fact that you won't have that thought banging around in your brain is a good thing. Either way, it's over. Now you know. Go back to NC and keep it until you don't even consider it NC any more. yeah, you are so right, no more bad thoughts in my brain..
lovesucks76 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 I agree, except why did he have to add "yours forever"???? that's what got me to respond to him!! He's either cruel or irresponsible. Don't get hung up on this. Next time, ignore or simply reply with THX! Chasing him will get you nowhere...actually it will push him away further. I had to learn this lesson for myself. Set them free and they will return if its meant to be. 1
barky2 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 When I was going thru my breakup with my ex she wrote me a freakin novel for my bday. I was on a airplane headed to Vegas for the weekend by myself I even purchased WiFi on my phone just to see if shed text me. When the text came thru I started flippin out. I read it. Had a few drinks, looked up info on here on what should I do. I read Barons advice to simply say thank you if you want a reconciliation sometime down the road, or ignore if youre done. I collected myself , replied thank you ,. That's it. Mind you she wrote me a short novel how much she missed me blah blah. Fact is she knew where I was going, had a rebound prob laying next to her...and just by simply replying short and to the point, it threw her thru a tailspin. Long story short, I had a unbelievable time out there, and when i got home , she moved mountains and made her intentions very clear that she wanted to be with me. So moral of the story. If I would have bought into it, I woulda gave her a ego boost...I woulda been miserable out there, and delayed any chance of reconciliation. So dust yourself off, not a big deal. Get angry. Progress forward always. Barky 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 (edited) So you know what? I see that his "missing you so much" & "yours forever" was cruel and then him not responding to me and its gotten me really really MAD (yay! finally!!) so I think I just broke up (in my head & heart) with HIM!! Edited September 24, 2013 by Brown-Eyez
barky2 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 That was him casting a hook and seeing if he could get a bite. That was him dangling the carrot. Now you just know better for next time Stay mad. That was my/everyone's favorite part of healing. Anger stage. The rest just suck Barky 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 That was him casting a hook and seeing if he could get a bite. That was him dangling the carrot. Barky ...casting for a bite, dangling the carrot for what?? merely to see if I still care? wtf?? of course I did!! he should have known that...and so he discovers that I still have feelings for him, what exactly does that accomplish?? he dumped me! he didn't want to be with me anymore! if its really just so he knows I care (ego boost for him?) that is just so stupidly SICK who does that??! if I dump someone, and they told me that they had feelings for me and to stay away, i'd know they were hurting and wouldn't go after them later, esp just to see if they still care. that to me seems entirely pointless am i missing something cuz i just don't get this at all..
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 sometimes people are just nice I always send a txts for xmas, new year and birthday I never expect a reply but I shared nice moments with some people and wish them the best i hope you don't do this to people you've dumped..its confusing & hurtful to the other person also, i highly doubt that besides bday greetings you also say that you miss them alot and then sign it 'yours forever'
barky2 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Unfortunately brown eyes, yea, he was checking to see if you'd respond/care/pining/ect. You'd only write something like that to get a reaction or to see if you'd GET a reaction out of it. He may or may not ( id say yes) wanted you to be JUST LIKE YOU ARE Once again I say, and I've said it a million times on here, they're not the same people we dated. They changed They will do this horse crap to see if you give a damn or to take a dig to make you feel just like you are. My (ex) did that crap all of the time. " oh its beautiful out, wish we were on the beach together" It literally didn't mean anything. Oh id suggest to meet up and get shot down. TO GET A REACTION. My head would spin like wtf? You can't and wont understand. This is why everyone says to change your number or block them off everything. So they don't do this crap. Barky 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Stay mad. That was my/everyone's favorite part of healing. Anger stage. The rest just suck Barky i never thought i would ever get to anger with him but just sadly let my feelings fade over time & blame myself for him dumping me.. i am so damm glad that i'm pissed off (what an a-hole he is for sending me that misleading message!!) i can see that it wasn't ALL my fault after all AND i can finally finally FINALLY stop the madness of missing him and move the hell on
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Unfortunately brown eyes, yea, he was checking to see if you'd respond/care/pining/ect. You'd only write something like that to get a reaction or to see if you'd GET a reaction out of it. He may or may not ( id say yes) wanted you to be JUST LIKE YOU ARE Once again I say, and I've said it a million times on here, they're not the same people we dated. They changed They will do this horse crap to see if you give a damn or to take a dig to make you feel just like you are. My (ex) did that crap all of the time. " oh its beautiful out, wish we were on the beach together" It literally didn't mean anything. Oh id suggest to meet up and get shot down. TO GET A REACTION. My head would spin like wtf? You can't and wont understand. This is why everyone says to change your number or block them off everything. So they don't do this crap. Barky this attitude is INCREDIBLE to me! the heartlessness, inconsideration, and sheer cruelty unbelievable!! I promise (my LS vow ) with all my heart, that if I ever have to dump someone I will NEVER, EVER contact them again unless i am fully willing to go back ALL IN so even if they were nice people, no holiday greetings of any kind either..it just f##ks you in the head
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 People are sick so sad and so true I'm gonna be so careful in the future did i ever learn a hard lesson! 1
Peanut9330 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 i never thought i would ever get to anger with him but just sadly let my feelings fade over time & blame myself for him dumping me.. i am so damm glad that i'm pissed off (what an a-hole he is for sending me that misleading message!!) i can see that it wasn't ALL my fault after all AND i can finally finally FINALLY stop the madness of missing him and move the hell on That's great and it's a great way of thinking and definitely a step in the right direction. Don't feel bad if you still hit a few bumps along the way just dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Once you can stop putting all the blame on yourself and realize that not everything was your fault each day gets a little easier. The worst stage is when you're still blaming yourself and wondering "what if I did this or that."
Peanut9330 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 this attitude is INCREDIBLE to me! the heartlessness, inconsideration, and sheer cruelty unbelievable!! I promise (my LS vow ) with all my heart, that if I ever have to dump someone I will NEVER, EVER contact them again unless i am fully willing to go back ALL IN so even if they were nice people, no holiday greetings of any kind either..it just f##ks you in the head Totally agree here it's just cruel to reach out especially if you're the dumper and all you're looking for is a boost. I never understood why my ex had to contact me on my b-day to wish me a happy birthday and tell me about his current GF that he cheated on me with btw. It's funny too because he was saying so many bad things about her yet he was still with her. I knew it was B.S. and that was the last time I ever spoke to him until 6 years later he poked his ugly face back into my life wanting to work things out and be together....Ha I never laughed so hard in my life. 2
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 That's great and it's a great way of thinking and definitely a step in the right direction. Don't feel bad if you still hit a few bumps along the way just dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Once you can stop putting all the blame on yourself and realize that not everything was your fault each day gets a little easier. The worst stage is when you're still blaming yourself and wondering "what if I did this or that." yeah, i saw him as this loving & nice person and i was the idiot now i get it, we both messed up but you don't have to worry about me, i'm truly DONE with this tool after being so miserable all summer cuz of his games i'm going to start dating again! 1
barky2 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 so sad and so true I'm gonna be so careful in the future did i ever learn a hard lesson! You learn to identify red flags and what NOT to do. Its all apart of dating and life. You'll be just fine Barky 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 I never understood why my ex had to contact me on my b-day to wish me a happy birthday and tell me about his current GF that he cheated on me with btw. I knew it was B.S. and that was the last time I ever spoke to him until 6 years later he poked his ugly face back into my life wanting to work things out and be together....Ha I never laughed so hard in my life. i know its mean to say, but i hope you laughed right in his face!
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