Getting through the holidays alone

[citygrrl]

Hi and Happy Thanksgiving! I have recently ended a 3 year relationship with my BF - actually, it just kinda ended itself. Anyway, I woke up this morning and realized that for the first time in a long time, I will be facing this whole holiday thing being single. It's kinda scary, and I am really not looking forward to going thru it alone. I am not even close to being ready to date anyone else just yet, and getting back together with the ex BF is not going to happen, because the whole breakup really needed to take place.

 

Anyway - Any suggestions on how to get through the Holiday season being single, broken-hearted and a little bit down? I have initiated NC with him a couple of weeks ago, even though I was the one to end it, because he did nothing but hurt me. He left a message saying how he can't move on because he loves me, but he should have thought about that before!

 

One thing that has helped a little is that, instead of thinking negatively, I think "I will get through this". The Holiday season can be very lonely, but even more so after a recent breakup.

 

SO HOW DO YOU GET THROUGH THESE NEXT SEVERAL WEEKS?

[MassiveAtom]

It's like all the joy has been sucked right out of what is supposed to be a happy time. I look back on past holidays with my wife and family and they're so warm and safe. It just snowed here in Chicago. First time I can remember the first snow sticking. It all feels so incredibly cold now.

 

I going to do my best to take everything at face value and not bring a dark cloud with me to every function. I'm not looking forward to new years eve though. That was a special family time that we both came up with. The kids will be with her. I'll be alone. I don't know what I'm to expect.

 

Just take each day as it comes. And give yourself time to be sad. I can't believe I'm saying this to a departer. I just feel so left behind.

 

I have that feeling too. "I WILL get over this. But right now I feel sad and angry, and a little bit hopeless.

The whole thing generally sucks, but I'll make the best of it I guess.

[citygrrl]

Thanks MA. I'm soo sorry that you're going thru what you are. And as far as me beeing the "departer", I HAD to leave him because he was abusive and even though he hasn't done anything to me in awhile, I realized that it is only a matter of time before he does - and he sure enough did! He got angry and pushed me down. So I'm out, and even though I know I'm doing the right thing, I still miss the connection. Sick, huh? He was Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde - you just never knew what you were gonna get! So don't hold that against me...

 

Questions: Do you have family nearby who can help you to get through this? Or some really good friends? How do her parents, friends, etc. feel about what she is doing?

[MassiveAtom]

Originally posted by citygrrl

Thanks MA. I'm soo sorry that you're going thru what you are. And as far as me beeing the "departer", I HAD to leave him because he was abusive and even though he hasn't done anything to me in awhile, I realized that it is only a matter of time before he does - and he sure enough did! He got angry and pushed me down. So I'm out, and even though I know I'm doing the right thing, I still miss the connection. Sick, huh? He was Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde - you just never knew what you were gonna get! So don't hold that against me...

 

Questions: Do you have family nearby who can help you to get through this? Or some really good friends? How do her parents, friends, etc. feel about what she is doing?

 

I don't haold it against you. In fact, I would feel the same way if I were in your position.

 

Her parents and friends completely support her in doing what she thinks she needs to, for her to be happy. In fact I support her in the same way. I know she is convinced that we need to divorce for her to be truly happy. I won't stand between her and her happines.

 

I have family and friends sure. But there's a connection with her that I miss. I know exactly what you're talking about. I feel like I'm just going through the motions of being happy right now. Soon though, It'lll take hold for real, and I'll move on.

 

BTW, There is no excuse for abuse. You're doing the right thing.

 

PM me anytime you feel like it.

 

mA

[Tamday]

I'm really not one to being giving advice, you can read my story on here. I spent Thanksgiving locked in my bedroom on drugs. They are about to run out and then I will have to face it! I'm scared of what I might do. I have noone to tell my story to, so I posted it to. I have an appt. with a psychiatrist the 14th,, I hope they keep me in the hospital. But, If I'm still here, I would love to try to help you. I'm in Ohio too. I've been staying numb on the pills, without them I think I would have killed him. Please know that I care, I care about everyone on here that's having problems. I haven't seen my 3yr old grandson in 2 weeks or my new grandson, they all tell me to get out of my "funk", that's what I call it for their sake. I wanted so bad to end my life, but I do have kids and grandkids. Please write me if you need to, I lost my job around the same time, so I sit here and grieve day and night. Please know that I care and will pray for you.....TamDay

[citygrrl]

TAMDAY - I tried to PM you but this system would not let me for some reason... YES, Xanax is the ultimate emotional painkiller, but it is just too easy to abuse! I was where you are with that about a year and a half ago. Let me tell you that you are probably scaring the hell out of those close to you! I put my kids and family through hell after being in the hospital 3 times in one summer for Xanax overdose. DON'T wait to see a psychiatrist - go straight to the ER and tell them you need help - NOW! Most hospitals have programs where your medical bills are paid for if your income is below a certain amount. If you are not currently employed, they may use a sliding scale to determine costs. I wish I knew just where in Ohio you live, because I could recommend a really nice place where they can help you. The Xanax doesn't fix the emotional hurt, just masks it for awhile, but you stil have to deal with your emotions after it wears off... I really feel what you are going through - my situation was a little different than yours - but I understand the hurt - it hurts so bad that you will do just about anything to make it go away! Keep thinking of your kids and grandkids, and that will give you the strength to pull you through. There are medications that can help with the anxiety and all of the symptoms you are having without turning you into a zombie. You have to understand that sometimes even the nicest people are not always what they seem to be. You sound like a really caring person, and believe the best in people. When they let you down, it hurts you tremendously... especially if it's someone who loves you. PLEASE try to get some help. I did, and even though I am not completely over what happened, I can deal with it. And I will never take another Xanax again! Even though I am heartbroken, I am glad every day that I am alive. You are going through something very traumatic, and sometimes it is just too much to handle alone. We are all here for you, and posting here will make you feel a little better (Hopefully!), but it sounds as though your situation is in need of immediate help. I can't even imagine being in your situation, but what you are going through is enough to make just about anyone freak out. It's very bizarre. But it's not YOU who did it, and you are punishing yourself and those around you by taking all that Xanax. You are too good for that! You are a mother, grandmother, a good human being, and I'm sure you have many people who love and care about you. Life is precious, and you are going to need a very strong support system to get through this - but you have to tell yourself that you WILL get through this! We are all here for you...

[DoggyDog]

Please, please read this message....I was exactly where you are about 25 yrs ago.

My husband walked out on me during Thanksgiving, and I was all alone from then on.....I had no where to live, got evicted because I didn't have a job which I also lost during the same time....I started popping pills too and went into bars alone where I'd meet men who were trying to pick up on me...probably saw the despair, I don't know but I met up with a really nice guy (thank God) and he and his brother moved me out to my cousins apt (which happened to be empty)...I had no money, no food, no friends and was ready to close up my LIFE....everything was falling apart....I didn't get help either....which I think back maybe I should have....Anyway, what happened to me to bring me back from the "DEAD", I wouldn't wish on anyone.....I was almost murdered by someone I met in a bar....as I said, I was looking for "love" in the wrong places....That's when I almost died in the hospital and had an "out of body experience"......It changed my life forever.....

 

I realized that your "LIFE" isn't worth taking or being taken by anyone...and that we do have a purpose here.....I learned that mine was to be in the LIVES OF THOSE WHO LOVE ME----THEY NEEDED ME HERE. Do you understand this.......My message is that you have to be here for THEM.....in turn you WILL find an inner peace in YOURSELF and each day is another step taken to get your life back....One thing at a time.....first, get on medication for depression thru your doctor, second, the financial which there is assistance to put a roof over your head and food on the table, third, make peace with your children (I had none)/family...and fourth,

get help in finding a job.....after this.....YOU WILL BE YOU AGAIN....

 

As for the H or whatever, mine got the woman pregnant while I was married and as I found out, enjoyed the holidays with her, her kids, him, and my inlaws.....talk about devestated.....but I did SURVIVE....YOU WILL TOO....

 

I'm not registered but I will be checking back on you.....WE HELP EACH OTHER HERE and ARE FAMILY in a sense.

 

Love DD