ramona Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 We've been together for 4-5 months now. He has a very high libido and wants me every day, but I just can't handle it. I was like this at the very beginning. Actually, first sex was awesome, I really wanted him and was eager for it. After that, it pretty much went downwards.. I started losing the will, it's not that I'm not sexually attracted to him, or that I'm not never horny. It's just that he can last so long, and I can't finish vaginally (I never, ever have ) and even if I am horny when we begin, I will surely lose interest in the meantime and it just starts getting boring. I avoid seeing him often because I'm afraid he'll want sex, and when he does I'll either go with it and suffer, or just stop him when I get sick of it..or just say I'm not in the mood, which I'm not.. He's honestly a good lover, but I guess I was used to guys finishing pretty early and satisfying me orally, without me getting bored while they're trying to cum for an HOUR. Awful, I know. I'm afraid he'll soon lose interest even though he really cares about me and wants to be with me, he already addressed this issue. I honestly don't know what to do and I feel totally screwed up. I want to be able to have sex with him often without feeling like this, but I just can't. What the hell is wrong with me?
soccerrprp Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 This doesn't sound like a low sex drive issue. It sounds like a compatibility issue. He needs to spend more time on your needs and you need to find out how best to get him to climax w/o having an unpleasant marathon. 3
Phantom888 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Yes this is sexual incompatibility. Is he on medication which makes him last a long time? One of the side effects of Prozac is either lower libido OR delay in orgasm. Is he not satisfying you orally? Is there anything he can do to satisfy your sexual needs?
crederer Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 You gotta communicate better. Tell him, "I really like it when you...."
Els Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Does he know you're not orgasming vaginally? And have you told him you'd like him to focus on you with his tongue/fingers first? Frankly, it just sounds like a bit of miscommunication to me. He's probably under the delusion that 'longer is better' - ie. if he keeps going long enough, his magic stick will bring you into amazing pleasurable convulsions. No... doesn't usually work that way...
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 To explain from personal experience....this is simply libido people, it's not medication or "he has to last long enough to prove himself" at least not for myself. I enjoyed the intimacy and sex, I really couldn't have enough of it in my early to mid 20's....and on top of that I could last as long as I desired, I can finish in five minutes or after a very, very long time. It worked with some women, did not with others, some vaginas just simply broke down on me. Therefore it was very difficult to find one woman who could keep up, and I was in a relationship with a woman who didn't have the highest sex drive which was a death sentence for the relationship but I forced myself to try it for the greater good of "love"...and even though she tried to satiate me, It just never really lived up to my expectations and as a result or part of a result I did deviate from that relationship and gravitated towards a woman who was more compatible with me in that regard...she just happened to be a little "crazy" (hey, can't have it all right?) So with someone who has the same drive or libido you'd be surprised how fast an hour can go by in the bedroom...I've definitely done longer than that. That might sound tedious and way over the top for some people, but there's ways of keeping of interesting and stimulating if you're both into it and on the same wave length, I'm a passionate guy so I did things to an extreme anyway...and it's not just doing one thing the whole time but if that's not you, it's not you and unfortunately that is important for the relationship. So with that being said, I think it's a compatibility issue of course...maybe he could be more of a giver in the act, maybe he just needs to tone it down...IMO and my experience it's not going to work, and It's better to let things go without so much drama if you ask me, for myself I resorted to cheating in the past when my relationships didn't completely satisfy me among other issues I had...he may or may not go that route, but you thinking that "love" is going to conquer all and there's something wrong with you if you can't satisfy him is just looking at it the wrong way...it's not about that, it's just about compatibility and the harder you force it the more things are just going to fall apart...it's never going to just be natural because you're just not the same, you either both accept that and try to move on or you go your separate ways. But women like to fight for shet, even when the walls are crumbling around them...they always tell themselves it's just this "one thing" and everything else will be "perfect" so like most, you're probably just going to keep at it thinking you'll figure out or it'll just miraculously change....but it won't, this will just get bigger and bigger, problems don't go away....you have to compromise or communicate or they turn into barriers in the relationship and your relationship never really goes farther than where that is, might look like it but it's still stuck on that hook somewhere along the way why you try to pretend it doesn't exist. I'm always surprised how people describe themselves as "working though" something together as a "couple" when it's clearly one person doing most of the work...and of course nothing really happened they just imagined it away...but whatever, your life.
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