Found out gf's past and need to vent

[Vinnieb]

Ok so I've been with my gf for almost 5 months now. Things were going great. There are some little issues tho. For an example, she told me in the beginning that if anything bothers me or upsets me that she wants to know.

 

She says communication is important, which is correct. Well, she would invite me to go with her to her friends gatherings or parties and she would introduce me to people but then she would just leave me be and take off and do actions with her friends and act like she doesn't want me being any part of it. This happened a couple of times before I spoke up and told her it bothered me. She would just make fun of me and shoot me down, it hurt. I mean, I felt not wanted.

 

Every one I went to I wish I would of just stayed home because it wouldn't of made a difference if I went or not. I wouldn't bring my gf around a bunch of people she didn't know then just leave her, is it just me? I'd like to think I'm good to her. Dropped a few grand for a vacation for us, got her little gifts of thoughts for her and just being there for her.

 

Another thing that bothers me is she would hint to me that pics of my ex and I on facebook bothered her, which I understand completely understand. So I delete all of them and message the people who have me tagged with her to delete those too. She still has pics of her and her ex on facebook. Anyway, that was just me venting.

 

This is the issue I'm having now. Let me 1st say that I am NOT a racist, everybody is entitled to their own opinion yes I know. I have this joke I use. I usually use it on white guys and my black friends. You pretty much just ask "have you ever admitted to having sex with a black guy?" Usually they say NO! then you just laugh and say so you keep it a secret. Well, my gf and I were watching this show and there was this scene with a white girl flirting with a black guy and my gf said "she wants some of that big black, well you know whats after that. So anyway, I ask her my joke question. She answered it yes.

 

At first I thought she was joking then she slapped me and said hey you tricked me. Turns out she did and she says it was back in high school and it was a one night stand thing. She told me she had low self esteem in school, she didn't have to spell it out for me so I know she slept around a lot which also bothers me. I talked to one of my friends and asked him what if he found out that his wife had slept with a white guy.

 

He said he would kick her to the curb. Oh, that friend is black by the way. Don't want you thinking I was asking one of my white friends. Like I said, I'm not a racist. Right or wrong this bothers me. It's a lot for me to take in that my gf had sex with a black guy just to have sex with him and that shes also attracted to black guys. Like I said, everybody is entitled to their own opinion.

 

I would like to hear what others think without accusing me of being a racist. Thank you

Edited September 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[ExpatInItaly]

I talked to one of my friends and asked him what if he found out that his wife had slept with a white guy. He said he would kick her to the curb. Oh, that friend is black by the way. Don't want you thinking I was asking one of my white friends. Like I said, I'm not a racist. Right or wrong this bothers me. It's a lot for me to take in that my gf had sex with a black guy just to have sex with him and that shes also attracted to black guys. Like I said, everybody is entitled to their own opinion. I would like to hear what others think without accusing me of being a racist. Thanks you

 

WTF? Why?

OP, both you and your friend sound incredibly ignorant. And arrogant.

 

Ultimately, you're also coming across as very insecure. Are you afraid you don't measure up? Because that's exactly what it sounds like. Whom she slept with in high school shouldn't really become an issue in your current relationship. Also, are you sure you aren't making assumptions about her supposedly sleeping around then?

Edited September 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[pteromom]

????

 

What about him being black bothers you so much? Do you think less of her because he's black? Are you insecure because you are wondering about the stereotype about black guys and size?

 

I could understand that it bothers you that she slept around more than you thought, but what does the race of the guys matter?

 

Yes, she is hypocritical for having you take pics of your ex off FB and not doing the same. I guess it could be worse - her ex could be BLACK!

[soccerrprp]

I can only conclude that you are a bigot based on your information. Otherwise, are you insecure about not having a large enough penis (to further fuel the stereotype)?

[pteromom]

So it's not true that once you go black you never go back?

 

I laughed loudly at this.

[Vinnieb]

WTF? Why?

OP, both you and your friend sound incredibly ignorant. And arrogant.

 

Ultimately, you're also coming across as very insecure. Are you afraid you don't measure up? Because that's exactly what it sounds like. Whom she slept with in high school shouldn't really become an issue in your current relationship. Also, are you sure you aren't making assumptions about her supposedly sleeping around then?

 

Yes I'm sure I'm not making assumptions. She told me she had issues and low self esteem and wasn't happy with her choices. When her and I 1st starting talking she told me she had her chastity belt on because she was tired of guys using her for sex.

 

I can only conclude that you are a bigot based on your information. Otherwise, are you insecure about not having a large enough penis (to further fuel the stereotype)?

 

When her and I 1st had sex she told me I was too big. before I found this out she told me I'm the biggest she's been with. And yes, I know the whole stereotype deal so I'm having a hard time believing it.

[mesmerized]

Your thread disgusts me. And yes, you DO come off as very racist. And be honest, does this have to do anything with your penis size?

[MrCastle]

Well this was a great thread to walk into after having just ate.

[soccerrprp]

Well this was a great thread to walk into after having just ate.

 

Lol!

 

OP, there's only one thing left really...you're a bigot and you feel disgusted that your gf would allow such filth to violate her (thinking like you're thinking now).

 

Get over it or move on.

[Quiet Storm]

You should just break up with her. You have every right to set your own standards for what you want in a woman, even it's racist. The reason I say it's racist is because you have a tone of superiority. In your eyes, her value is lower because she was attracted to & had sex with a black guy. Your prejudice is the basis for your judgement.

 

Regardless- she needs to be with a guy that won't judge her.

 

It's basic incompatibility.

 

You want a woman that hasn't had sex with a black guy.

 

She is a woman that has had sex with a black guy.

 

She can't unring the bell. You two are not a good match.

[Phantom888]

That's strange. Almost an irony. Assuming you are a racist, since you sound like one, you should not be bothered by the fact your girlfriend had sex with someone of an "inferior" race as you. Men only get jealous if their women are into men superior than themselves. So it must be the stereotype that bothers you. You assume the black dude had a big cock. Just so you know, several of my girlfriends have had sex with black guys before, and ultimately they all prefer ASIANS! Go figure that out! Would you be just as pissed if she had a ONS with an Asian dude?

[mesmerized]

You should just break up with her. You have every right to set your own standards for what you want in a woman, even it's racist. The reason I say it's racist is because you have a tone of superiority. In your eyes, her value is lower because she was attracted to & had sex with a black guy. Your prejudice is the basis for your judgement.

 

Regardless- she needs to be with a guy that won't judge her.

 

It's basic incompatibility.

 

You want a woman that hasn't had sex with a black guy.

 

She is a woman that has had sex with a black guy.

 

She can't unring the bell. You two are not a good match.

 

You know you are a good poster but it's annoying as hell that you never want to change anything. I sure hope you are not like that in your personal life. "Oh you're the biggest ******* that ever walked on planet. Accept it even though it's bad because that's who you are."

 

How about telling people to actually THINK about why they have the idiotic standards that they do and god forbid try to change them?

[HokeyReligions]

Oh you'll be called out for being racist. I don't think you come across that way. The vast majority of people are attracted to their own race. That normal but in this day its called out as eacist IF its a white person saying it.

 

You do sound very young and immature. Your thread title says you need to vent. Vent away!

 

Just think about your choices and try not to operate on hormones alone.

Edited September 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[todreaminblue]

how incredibly ignorant.......

 

 

for starters you say she had low self esteem and attribute that fact to the reason why she chose to date a black guy....

 

 

i dont see the point in dating some ones skin.....

 

its about the mind and the heart within,

 

if you think its all about low self esteem,

 

i think you needs some coffee when you awake from that dream,

 

you do know size and skin colour is fallacy not fact,

 

 

so if your revulsion is based on some sexual act,

 

 

you really need to try and think again,

 

what i fond gross is what was said by your girlfriend,

 

saying that chick just wants some big black cock......

 

 

truly,a few sailors short of a crew and a fleet short a dock,

 

such hatred for a person, mistaken values and hate for the color of their skin,

 

but yet you have black friends, why is it only them you see the heart and mind within?,

 

open your own heart and then your mind,

 

you will be amazed at the peace you will find.........

 

 

 

good luck my friend...i have nothing else to add except this opening post of yours is incredibly disheartening..... deb

[MrCastle]

I don't think it's the penis thing. I think OP just feels above black people whether he admits it or not. And he is upset someone he's attracted to could sleep with someone he deems below them.

 

She's not completely out of the woods either if her reason was "I had low self esteem" as opposed to "I was attracted to him...and?"

[soccerrprp]

Oh you'll be called out for being racist. I don't think you come across that way. The vast majority of people are attracted to their own race. That normal but in this day its called out as eacist IF its a white person saying it.

 

You do sound very young and immature. Your thread title says you need to vent. Vent away!

 

Just think about your choices and try not to operate on hormones alone.

 

What in the world are you talking about?!?!?!? Did you read his post?

 

He's not telling us about his preferences, he's bent out of shape b/c his white gf let some black guys have sex with her and he is thoroughly repulsed by it and the idea that she allowed that to happen....

 

THIS IS NOT ABOUT HIS PREFERENCES OR CRITICIZING SUCH....sheesh.

[crederer]

My ex dated a black guy before me. Didn't bother me at all. I don't really know why this is an issue.

[soccerrprp]

Oh, for Pete's sakes, OP, drop her and move on! It seems you now have a very low image of her too. She deserves better!

 

Crimey!

[Misfortune]

My ex dated a black guy before me. Didn't bother me at all. I don't really know why this is an issue.

 

It's because you're a racist. We all could learn a thing or none from the OP.

[RedRobin]

OP, I believe there are a few things worth exploring here before you jump to conclusions....

 

1. She had one ONS that you know of. Could have been her first and last. I did when I was in college. Happened one time. That was all I needed to inform my personal decision regarding ONS.

 

2. She slept with a black guy. Ok. Maybe ask her in what context did she know him? Maybe there were some mitigating factors why it was a ONS or why she liked him other than what you are assuming.

 

3. Consider being a little introspective about certain body parts and skin color and why you feel this way.

[AHaze]

The PC brigade is plenty on the internet OP, especially in crowds, best not to seek advice in places where they are able to gather... like here.

 

My neutral opinion,

 

I wouldn't date a girl who makes it known that her "preference" is black guys, I'm a white guy, so if her preference is black guys then that makes me... not her preference, it makes a slight void, the relationship will always be 99% at best, never 100% because there's somebody out there she prefers more.

 

 

For the rest of you, coming from a guy with an average 6.5inch willy...

 

penis size doesn't matter girls...

Your man doesn't need more money and a bigger penis, you just need a job and a tighter vag.

[crederer]

The PC brigade is plenty on the internet OP, especially in crowds, best not to seek advice in places where they are able to gather... like here.

 

My neutral opinion,

 

I wouldn't date a girl who makes it known that her "preference" is black guys, I'm a white guy, so if her preference is black guys then that makes me... not her preference, it makes a slight void, the relationship will always be 99% at best, never 100% because there's somebody out there she prefers more.

 

 

For the rest of you, coming from a guy with an average 6.5inch willy...

 

penis size doesn't matter girls...

Your man doesn't need more money and a bigger penis, you just need a job and a tighter vag.

 

I'm too lazy to read the OP again, but I'm pretty sure there was no mention of black men being her preference.

 

And even if that was the case, she is with him now, so preferences be damned she likes him just the same.

[RedRobin]

The PC brigade is plenty on the internet OP, especially in crowds, best not to seek advice in places where they are able to gather... like here.

 

My neutral opinion,

 

I wouldn't date a girl who makes it known that her "preference" is black guys, I'm a white guy, so if her preference is black guys then that makes me... not her preference, it makes a slight void, the relationship will always be 99% at best, never 100% because there's somebody out there she prefers more.

 

 

 

 

Yea, I don't see anything there that says she prefers black guys. The OP seems annoyed that she is attracted to black men. Well, in this case, just one. Maybe it had nothing to do with skin color.

 

Maybe she's attracted to different ethnicities of all kinds.

 

That said, I dated a guy who claimed to have a preference for Asian women. Well, I'll be damned if he didn't dump me for an Asian woman and marry her. So yea, I won't date someone who has a stated preference either.

[Carenth]

Wow what the bloody hell. OP is insecure at best but honestly it's just ignorant and racist. What is it about that she had sex with a black man that bothers you so much? You obviously must have some negative connotations with black people if you feel that way or serious insecurities or both.

 

She is with you now why does it matter?

 

You are basically implying that there is something wrong with mixed race sexual interactions/relationships which is racist and this isn't the 1950's anymore. This is quite common place I'm in a mixed race relationship myself and it isn't the first I've been in either. Maybe I would be less annoyed if the OP tried to explain why he was feeling the way he did. But all he offered was that he was annoyed it was a black guy.

[Salvatore85]

Just so you know this is your own fault for asking about her past. You like her, she likes you, why in the hell would you care who she slept with before you?