ses Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I'm sure that numerous threads have been created on this particular topic. I'm just seeking further clarity on my own situation. I'm 25, and he's 31. There's this guy who has expressed interest in me. We met over the summer while I was helping a friend with his Spanish course. We lost contact, and then just recently saw each at our university where I currently tutor Spanish. We chatted briefly while he ate lunch, and have been texting since. He seems like a nice guy, flirtatious, smart (he's studying to be a database admin), and is very involved in the lives of his children. I think he has primary custody because he told me the mother isn't involved. He has a 10-year old and a 15 month old. I'm single and have never been married with children. I don't want to discriminate against the guy because he has kids, but I don't know if I want anything serious with him. I remember how confused I felt as a 12 year old when my father started to date my now stepmother after the divorce. It was a rough transition initially, and I felt a little resentment. I want to tread cautiously and start as friends (which I have conveyed to him). He told me he wouldn't rush me since I'm pretty reserved. I appreciate the sentiment but I think he's a lot more into me at the moment. I feel like he deserves an opportunity; I just feel mixed and unsure about the situation. Any tips or advice? Thanks!
KathyM Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 He's probably looking for someone to mother his children, as well as be a partner to him. Are you sure you are up for that? At 25, taking on someone else's 10 year old plus a baby all at once is a pretty hefty task. I know this is just dating right now, but you still need to think if this is going to work long term, because he is likely looking for someone long term. If taking on two kids seems like too much for you in the near future, I'd suggest you end it now. He comes as a package deal (husband and ready-made family). Don't waste his time if you would not consider taking on the whole package.
carolsmith86 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 As you said he is so much involved with his kids, if you are planning to move ahead with him you should not ignore his children. Before taking any step, think twice. I think you should give time to your relationship. Try to know more about him and the reason why he left his wife. Start spending time with his kids so that you can understand their nature and feeling as well and the kids can also accept you. Whatever your feelings , be honest with your partner and yourself.
Phantom888 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Don't do it. You don't have experience with kids of your own, so you would not understand why you will ALWAYS be 2nd priority in his life. Parents understand this. It's always kids first. That's why it's always good that both partners have kids of their own so they are on the same page. 1
mammasita Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 If you plan on having kids I wouldn't get involved. I doubt having any more children is on his list of things to do.
irc333 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 I usually tend to avoid single mothers with rather YOUNG children...teenaged or college aged is okay, for they know how to wipe their noses, drive a car and of course have their OWN dating lives. Best to date single mother when he/she's getting close to the "Empty nest" stage I'm sure that numerous threads have been created on this particular topic. I'm just seeking further clarity on my own situation. I'm 25, and he's 31. There's this guy who has expressed interest in me. We met over the summer while I was helping a friend with his Spanish course. We lost contact, and then just recently saw each at our university where I currently tutor Spanish. We chatted briefly while he ate lunch, and have been texting since. He seems like a nice guy, flirtatious, smart (he's studying to be a database admin), and is very involved in the lives of his children. I think he has primary custody because he told me the mother isn't involved. He has a 10-year old and a 15 month old. I'm single and have never been married with children. I don't want to discriminate against the guy because he has kids, but I don't know if I want anything serious with him. I remember how confused I felt as a 12 year old when my father started to date my now stepmother after the divorce. It was a rough transition initially, and I felt a little resentment. I want to tread cautiously and start as friends (which I have conveyed to him). He told me he wouldn't rush me since I'm pretty reserved. I appreciate the sentiment but I think he's a lot more into me at the moment. I feel like he deserves an opportunity; I just feel mixed and unsure about the situation. Any tips or advice? Thanks!
jacksonvillae Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 A single parent is less likely to waste your time, since they (probably) had to pay for child care or have their ex watch their child(ren) to go on a date with you
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