reddragon588 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I've been feeling emotionally dead the last couple weeks.. By that I mean I haven't been feeling emotions at all.. Whether good or bad. In a way it's good because I haven't even been able to get too upset over the breakup, but it also sucks because I just feel pretty low energy and I want to feel positive emotions in appropriate situations. And while I know this sounds kind of contradictory to my emotionally dead statement, but I have been missing my ex a lot more lately. There's no real emotion attached to it tho- I just plain miss her. This Friday will mark 4 months since the breakup and 1 month since the last contact. I know she isn't coming back and I think that's why I've been feeling so strange emotionally lately. I also had a weird experience today. I recently reactivated my Facebook (although I deleted her as a friend). I noticed a new comment on my profile picture. When I went to look at the new comment from a HS friend, I noticed that my ex had deleted a comment she made on it last year! That comment was there last week but now it is no longer there. It seems strange. She is clearly still looking at my profile despite being deleted and it's odd that she would delete her comment. I also had the curiousity get the best of me and went to her profile. She uploaded a new profile picture, which was a picture of the two of us, only she cropped me out (even tho it is obvious still that I'm next to her holding her). So strange. I think this thread was more of me just getting this off my chest, but has anyone ever had this emotionally dead kind of feeling? What can I do to snap out of this funk?
Leegh Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I don't know, but it sounds as if you could have Anhedonia. It is a Greek word meaning lack of joy. Please google it and there are many, many articles on it. In other words, if someone with Anhedonia found a $100.00 bill, they would feel no joy. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Pretty sure this is just situational. We all feel this at one time or another during the healing process. If you still feel this way in 90 or 120 days, then it might be serious. 2
Jenny1234 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Emotional rollercoaster ...keep proceeding forward. 2
Author reddragon588 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Hello folks, since writing this, I've felt a flood of emotions, all negative and depressing. Been struggling to focus at work. Really really missing my ex and the thought of her with someone else is torturing me, even as I try to push it out of my mind. This sucks. Still holding strong to NC, but dang..
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 You are snowballing... Try to redirect your thoughts when you feel it start to slip. Difficult I know, but try anyway. Look up TaraMaidens' post on 'Snowballing'... 2
lindsay1990 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Hope you're feeling a bit better. Maybe try extra hard to avoid any triggers? Like sad romantic music, etc- 1
Salvatore85 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Red I respect you very much as a poster on here and your advice has been wonderful for quite a few people and I hope they take it. With that said you have to go back and read some of your comments to others and understand that you know how to beat this. It's tough dude but we're all here to help as much as possible. I'll be honest I miss my ex nearly every day. She was my best friend for 5 years and man did we go through a lot together. I miss everything...waking up next to her, going grocery shopping, walking the dogs and I find it amazing that I even miss the things she'd do that would annoy the hell out of me. I still love her very much but I've come to realize that people shouldn't treat others the way she treated me towards the end. It's almost as if the person I fell in love with is gone and has been replaced with someone I don't recognize anymore. The truth is Red I go through these spells probably once a month and it hurts like hell but I completely fight the urge to break NC because it has helped me so much. You'll probably feel this way for awhile but it will start to ease up as more time passes. There's nothing wrong with you though, just suffering from a broken heart and it takes time to heal my friend. 2
Author reddragon588 Posted September 27, 2013 Author Posted September 27, 2013 Thanks guys. I'm still feeling these feelings a bit, but I'm getting better. I went to my therapist today and talked about it. She pointed out that it's natural to feel a bit down, and that it is a concern only if I start to lose functionality in my life (I'm still going to work and getting work done, going to gym, hanging out with friends, etc.). In the meantime, she said to just keep doing enjoyable things. We also talked about what makes me happy. I need to start thinking about this... mapping out the things that make me happy... whenever I laugh about something I'm going to write it down and make a list... so that I can get a better idea. These things will help! And so does the support of everyone here! 4
lauri Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Hey Red, I am also going through similar emotions. I guess it kills me because she hasn't contacted me since I deleted her from facebook and her "goodbye message"...I was hoping she would start to move mountains to get me to talk to her again, but she didn't. Things have gone too far and there is no going back now. When I start to snow ball, I immediately do something more proactive to relieve the stress or take my mind off of it. I either talk to my friends about it, read / post on here, go to the gym, etc. It always has to get worse before it gets better...its a shame things happen the way they do but we have to keep believing we can go out there and find someone else. I'm positive both of us in 6 months time will come back on this site and be saying how amazing things are going. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 Red I respect you very much as a poster on here and your advice has been wonderful for quite a few people and I hope they take it. With that said you have to go back and read some of your comments to others and understand that you know how to beat this. It's tough dude but we're all here to help as much as possible. Always easier to give then take. It almost like it will work for others, but it doesn't work for oneself. Strange phenomena, but I have the same problem. I still love her very much but I've come to realize that people shouldn't treat others the way she treated me towards the end. It's almost as if the person I fell in love with is gone and has been replaced with someone I don't recognize anymore. I struggle with this a LOT too. Probably one of, if not the most difficult parts of this whole process. Second only to the rejection. I think they do this in order to justify their decision. After all, it easy to breakup with someone you don't like, so they villainize us. It is a coping mechanism for the dumper. In reality, the dumpee should completely ignore the dumpers behavior at the end. It is not a true representation of the RS or the feelings of the dumper. But, I get how you feel, as I feel the same. Who was that person who broke up with me? It wasn't the girl I used to love, that's for sure. She pointed out that it's natural to feel a bit down, and that it is a concern only if I start to lose functionality in my life (I'm still going to work and getting work done, going to gym, hanging out with friends, etc.). In the meantime, she said to just keep doing enjoyable things. This is all you can do. And it works. All I have done for the last 6 months is focus on getting physically and mentally fit. Although the physical part is much easier to measure, the mental part is getting better too. Just harder to recognize as the increments are small. But they are there. So, all you, I and all of us here can do is keep our heads down and keep moving forward. Eventually, we will come out the other side an improved person. Stronger and wiser. And ready to try this whole game again. I think 3
headinthecloud Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 Pretty much. reddragon, this is extremely common, don't be afraid of it. Continue to go through them motions, even if you're not feeling it. Go out with friends, do the things you enjoy, even if they're not giving you much of a lift. They will again one day. "Fake it until you make it!" - Dr.Phil Try not to analyze what happened because it will only rehash what was and take you backwards. Meditation helps some people to stop this pattern of thinking and transform it into positive thinking of the future. Are you able to refocus the energy you spend thinking about "what was" and focus on "what will be"? That doesn't mean you won't go through tough days, but have an action plan for those days. Commit to bettering yourself everyday. I started taking up things on my bucket list and it's amazing. I still have relapses in negative thinking but they become less intense and don't happen as often. 1
cavalier99 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Seems normal. Just stay NC. AND STOP UNBLOCKING YOUR FACEBOOK AND GOING TO HER PROFILE! Rock on! Cav 1
thetinmansam Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Feeling dead inside right now as well. The only thing I can tell you to do is set goals for yourself.. Whether they be financial or career, anything pertaining to "moving forward" will help you get through this. It would also help you tremendously to meet some new girls, and quite possibly a new girlfriend.. 1
Omei Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 When me and my ex broke up not only did I remove him but all his comments for the last 5 years as well as any comments I made on his page I went through his whole page for it. For the best its normal even tho she left you she prob had the same thinking. 1
Fufu Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Accept whatever feelings you have right now (it's completely normal) and think positive or keep yourself busy with something you enjoy doing. (I know it's tough, you just got to start somewhere) Lost Love hurts/sux, but it shouldn't ruin your life or health. 1
Turnandcough Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 The thing that has helped me the most out of everything is to set a physical goal (workout goal) and beat the **** out of it! You will realize you are powerful and you can do great things by yourself. the extra 2 hours out of your day physically draining yourself will spark some kind of emotion in you, but it will also give you desire. You need a CHANGE! Make it a physical change that not only only a) makes you more attractive but b) clears your head. Listen to some rock music and run until you want to throw up. I am only one month of NC and I realize how much value I do have as a male! We all miss out ex's but the sooner you get your ass out in the world and experience it head on and embrace the pain and turn it into something productive. No one can stop you, I dare them to try. You got this! Now do it! 1
Author reddragon588 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Posted October 3, 2013 This week has been really good for me. I finally feel "normal" and honestly, I may be better than I have been... ever. I'm finally realizing a lot of the things I've been hearing and saying during my recovery. I'm finally feeling confident about myself. I'm finally finding happiness from within. I'm finally feeling comfortable being single/alone- I don't feel like I need a significant other to define myself and my identity anymore and provide emotional support. Do I still miss her? Of course. Do I still love her? Sure. Do I still wish it had worked out? Definitely. But I've been working on myself and focusing on myself. It's hard to not focus on the past and there's been a lot of times where I haven't been able to keep myself from doing it (for example, checking the social media like I said) but I am also trying to focus my thoughts on myself as much as possible. Recently, writing down the things that have made me happy have really helped. Whenever I find myself feeling good, or laughing, or whatever... I write it down. When I see how long the list is, it's hard not to feel good about myself. I've been working out and I've lost 20 pounds. I have never been overweight or even out of shape, but having been in an office for several years postgrad now I was definitely a bit fluffy. Whenever I work out, it raises my confidence. It also raises my spirits with the natural boost in endorphins or whatever it is that is good that comes with working out. I've also been working hard to meet new people- in a non-romantic way. I joined meetup.com and I've made some fun new friends. It also helps me get out and do some fun things- I've hosted a BBQ, we've gone hiking, to the beach, even bar hopping and movie nights. I've never been that good at making new friends, but I've realized it's because I've never put myself out there like this. Overall, I still miss my ex-girlfriend, and I still have some tough times, but I'm moving forward with my life and I think I've grown and matured so much in the last four months. I have become so much more comfortable with myself, and while it's been hard, I'm actually kind of glad this happened. I think I'm going to have a better life as a result of the improvements I've made and continue to make. I know that I will find love again, whether my ex does come back (probably not lol) or someone new. I'm almost ready to be in love again and my next relationship will be even better as a result. For some of the new people, I know it's hard. But listen to what is being given here as advice. And understand that's what it is- advice. It's not criticism, don't feel the need to get defensive- this is something I've always done. Now that I'm not doing that, and willingly taking advice, I'm growing more than I ever have before. Part of it is out of necessity- I had to, I was completely broken. But it's made the process so much better. And know that if you work hard, you will feel better! It takes a TON of hard work though. If you're looking for an easy quick fix, you're s--- out of luck. Not to toot my own horn, but I've been busting my butt the last four months to get to this point. But it's so worth it! I hope I can continue to grow and improve like I have. The last week has really been a breakthrough for me. And it really does kind of come out of nowhere, but it does come! I hope this post isn't too long, but I kind of wrote this for myself as much as anyone else. 2
cavalier99 Posted October 3, 2013 Posted October 3, 2013 Glad your feeling better. That is great that your getting out and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Just keep in mind that at 4 months or so NC your smack in the middle of the emotional roaller coaster. Expect..even count on..more ups and downs. They key is to just to ride it out. I alway liked to think that every time i got walloped again it was just more processing of the BU. So even being depressed made me feel positive!! lol Just keep on going and youll get there. Cav 2
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