snowman4839 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I've been thinking recently and wondering how some people always have girlfriends and go from one to another. I've only ever had like "datable/girlfriend" interest in 3 girls which started halfway through my senior year in high school (I'm now a sophomore in college). The first was an amazing girl that I genuinely loved. I was so far gone with her that I lost like 40lbs for her, started paying close attention to my appearance for her and hung out with her every chance I got. But by the time I felt attractive enough to ask her if there was anything more than a friendship, she said she didn't have any feelings for me (which I expected because I spent so much time improving myself all-the-while just being her "friend") so I wasn't really surprised that I got friendzoned. No harm. I expected it. Then she slowly faded from my thoughts. The second was basically just lust. I was bored at the end of summer after senior year and this girl seemed to act interested in me so we hung out a few times. I got to second base and then she decided she "didn't feel that way". She needed to make up her friggin mind. Aw well no harm no foul. She was a nice girl but kinda emotionally retarded. The third was a girl I met at the beginning of my freshman year of college. We both clicked very well, I thought she was pretty, we started hanging out all the time. We made out, I started sleeping over, we had sex a couple times (she was my first and only). I loved hanging out with her and her friends. But the thing was we never made it official but I kinda lost interest after like 3ish months or so. And that's my love life in a nutshell But the question is I meet and see plenty of pretty girls on a daily basis (I'm a sophomore at a state college) and I've met a few in passing or otherwise that are pretty cool. I just don't understand what/how dating works. I mean the only time I consider dating a girl or hanging out any more than we have to is if they demonstrate through their personality or common interests or humor or something that we'll enjoy each other's company. That was how I ended up hanging out with that third girl because the first time I met her, she was working on her car in booty shorts no less (I love cars and working on them). I mean I'm particular about the guys I hang out with too. I've been in college for like a year plus a little bit and I only have like 6 or 7 guys (almost all from my frat) that I would genuinely enjoy spending time with. And the ironic thing is that I feel like a loser for not spending time with more girls yet I know that I'm very particular about who I spend my time with. Do other people just look for the sex or the want of a connection or is it a status thing or what?
Skyraider829 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 And the ironic thing is that I feel like a loser for not spending time with more girls yet I know that I'm very particular about who I spend my time with. Do other people just look for the sex or the want of a connection or is it a status thing or what? Its good and responsible of you to be "picky" about who you spend your time with. Nothing sucks worse than beating around the bush with the wrong type - and I don't mean anything disrespectfully about that. Overall, its subjective. Your wants and needs are different from mine and any other person's. At times, needs and wants may cross and be common ground for some but usually everyone has a different ideal in mind when it comes to what they seek. This is universal, it applies to essentially anything - relationships included. Some want the more physical aspect of it, some want a partner they can share things with romantically, and some just want a close friend of the opposite gender. These are all worth-while pursuits as long as its consensual and mutual between the two individuals. Social flings as I call them, you know the whole kind of dating scheme where there is, objectively, no such connection or romance for just aesthetic appeal to impress and make a statement to the crowd is kind of worthless and stupid, but again - if both people want that, then so be it. But to be truthful, I would avoid labeling such an event a "relationship" in the classic sense of the word. Just my own opinion. The pursuit of a relationship and what type they're after is, as stated above, entirely subjective. You're only going to get opinions on this, and not concrete fact as there are no raw facts so to speak in dating. There are guidelines and norms but that's about it.
pteromom Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 YOU get to decide what qualifies as girlfriend material for you. And if it ends up that only 1 in 1000 girls have those qualities, then great -you just wait. There is no shame in being single or waiting for the right person. Do what is right for you.
carhill Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 What Qualifies as Girlfriend Material? A lady who demonstrates a propensity for and comfort with being in LTR's and, if beyond her teenage years, a history of same. Also, compatible FOO dynamics wrt relationships. In my demographic, a lady who has been married, demonstrates a stable familial environment and who hasn't 'gone crazy' between relationships, rather has remained single and resolved their relationships before proceeding.
KathyM Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 As others have stated, people decide for themselves what qualities are important in a girlfriend. Most people value trust in a relationship and want someone they can trust to be faithful to them, so girls that have a history of infidelity or not respecting the boundaries of other people's relationships, are probably not a good candidate for a monogamous relationship if monogamy is what you are looking for. Someone who is psychologically healthy is probably a better candidate for a girlfriend than someone who has serious FOO issues or other serious psychological issues that have not been treated. Someone who has compatible interests, values, and personality is important in a romantic relationship, since significant differences would be likely to cause discontent/disagreement in the long term. For example, if you are the type that likes to sit at home in front the computer, and she is the type who likes to go out and have fun, you are probably not going to be very compatible and have a lot of disagreements when she is pressuring you to go somewhere, and you are resenting it. Those are the basics: compatibility, trustworthy.
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