Daisy7 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 (edited) Im very clean when it comes to stuff around the house my husband is the complete opposite so i just do it myself not a big deal. We have come to the conclusion that i show him for instance how NOT to turn all of our laundry clothes pink etc. And we compromise. Have you tried talking to him and telling him how he can help you so that both of you can reach a compromise? My husband is pretty messy but now he is a lot better and we compromise about things im a neat freak though, but we work around it. I dont yell or go crazy on him but i bring up alternatives to his cleaning and he understands me. (his parents house is disgusting i mean really gross like dog pee everywhere even on the beds because they let the dogs on top of the bed and they dont care so he was used to that environment until he moved out on his own then his parents house was even gross to him and i am the complete opposite my family is very clean. Ever since we moved in together he does not stop telling me how glad and happy he is that i am very clean person and organized that he loves that. You are not a bad fiancé i just feel you guys have to communicate more to reach a compromise. Talk about it and tell him how you feel and always express to him what can i do to help etc.. and about decorating the house as a woman thats something we enjoy at least i do. Talk to him about it, it seems there are some communication issues here, in a marriage communication is very important. Edited October 10, 2013 by Daisy7
Author loosingme31 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 I didn't know that people were still replying to my post. Update. To the person who asked, my fiancé is white and I am Jamaican. -got into a big fight shortly after posting my last note. -Decided to move out while moving out he threatened to call the cops on me -He was getting ready for work so he called his parents to watch me to make sure I didn't steal( the last woman he dated stole from him) I was so insulted. When he met me I had my own place and have always been independent, I don't steal. -His parents sat and watch as I packed and didn't seem to care that I was hurting. They kept on having their own conversations and laughing. Their nonchalant attitude hurt my daughters feelings which made her cry more. - I left went to a hotel and he begged me to come back and that we would go to counseling. I realized I still loved him so I went back -Had a counseling session scheduled, and the day before we got into a big argument. I asked him for the password to his netflicks so that I would watch movies. He told me he preferred not giving it to me because if I were to leave him I would still have access to his account. Again so insulting. I got very upset and said if you didn't trust me you shouldn't have put a ring on my finger and am like you could always change your password.(this is so crazy I kept thinking) -I almost left him again for that. I didn't want to go to counseling with him because I think we need to go separately first because he has some issues I cant put my finger on, but I kind of regret not going because maybe the counselor would have suggested he got some separate help. -we hardly have sex now, he has low testosterone and got off his meds. When I bring it up he gets annoyed and say he is not going back on them because of side effects. I understand but I beg him to at least talk to his doctors before he just stops them. -Every time I ask him a question he sighs, this is so hurtful and I tell him and he says well its just a sigh. -everything I say he gets annoyed at -he watches how I clean up. In the morning while I am getting ready for work, he stands over me instead of sitting and waiting for me to finish. I told him I don't like it but he still does it. -we can never sleep with the door close because the cats have access to our room. -he shows his cats more love than he does me. His obsession with his cats is very weird. -he blames me for his stress and depression. _ he also listens to the radio and believes everything he hears, so now he things the country will become like concentration camps and our lives controlled because this is what he hears from the radio and people from work. He buys up food and other survival gears and store them incase this happens. I told him I do not share his feelings that these things will not happen and he gets annoyed. I am more quiet now as not to upset him, but when he pushes me too far I blow up and call him mean things. I know this is wrong but I get so tired of walking on eggshells. THE GOOD THINGS - he is great to my daughter -He supports the family financially( I work too) - he does little nice things for me I a torn, lost and said and its all my fault because I moved too fast with this man. I am becoming confused, something is off with him and for the life of me I don't know what it is. I am a good woman, I cook clean and do my bets to bring joy into his life
Author loosingme31 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) My daughter is a teenager and I have cared for her very well. She does good in school and is a happy child. He treats her very well and they get along great. i ask her all the time and she says she likes him alot.He works nights so by time he is home she is sleeping. Anyway my daughter is in no danger and if I thought she was I would be gone. I am very in tune with my daughter and knows how she feels about most things because I ask her and have real conversations with her. She has never been abused in anyway and that's because I am a vigilant mother. I have a lot of family so my Daugher would never end up in foster care. I have a masters degree and licensed in my field so I can support myself if needs be. Thanks. Edited October 24, 2013 by loosingme31
Eivuwan Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 It is possible to find a man with all those good qualities and none of the bad ones. 1
pteromom Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 - he is great to my daughter No he isn't. Sure, maybe he is nice to her directly, but how he treats YOU affects her too. You are modeling a relationship. He's modeling her future husband. YOU are modeling who she will be as a future wife (someone who is quiet and doesn't want to rock the boat, until you are cornered, then you attack.) He is NOT great to your daughter. -He supports the family financially( I work too) Yes, but it comes with the baggage of him constantly protecting his assets from you, even his stupid Netflix account. - he does little nice things for me Wow. You know, you could do little nice things for yourself, and not have to deal with all this other stuff. And you don't even get a good sex life out of it. My question is this: What are you really getting from this relationship????? Your list of the good isn't much of a list. I a torn, lost and said and its all my fault because I moved too fast with this man. I am becoming confused, something is off with him and for the life of me I don't know what it is. I am a good woman, I cook clean and do my bets to bring joy into his life This has nothing to do with you. Well, you do have blame in going between the two extremes of clamming up or yelling... but that doesn't CAUSE his issues. He is a damaged person, and is not capable of trusting you or being truly open with you. Why even move forward into a future where even a Netflix account is an excuse to keep his walls up?
Author loosingme31 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 I am not getting much from the relationship. I told him that I am not ready to get married and the way things are going I will never want to marry him. I have never met someone that allow every little thing to rock his world. The netflick thing threw me for a loop. His issues runs so deep. You are right about modeling behaviors for my child.
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