Nightfall

[MassiveAtom]

I'm so PHUKKING ANGRY !!

 

I HAte that I have to look at her smirking grin, her self assured dismissals, all that CRAP!!!

 

She has the nerve tonight to ask me what I'm making for thanksgiving dinner at my brothers where she of course is not going! BUT then my daughter, just loving her mom, says that she'll bring her a piece of the cheescake I'm making! oooooooooh the resentment started flowing. Not only will I have to pay this deserter support, but I have to make her dessert!?! I could SCREAM! or puke!

 

I'm trying my hardest to keep from even talking to her right now. ALL I would say is something mean and angry. THAT'S BECAUSE I FEEL MEAN AND ANGRY DAMMIT, AND I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE!!

She sends me an email telling me she was going to stay at a friends house tonight so she could have some time to herself, I DON"T GIVE A $h|T!!!! About what she needs. ***** her needs! I used to care for her needs as I did my own and now, after she rips out my heart she wants me to give a $h|T about her needs!?! What is she stupid!?! CRAZY!?!? Completely out of touch with human emotion?! DAMMIT!!

 

So I call her and I tell her(not in all caps mind you..) "Look, I'm feeling really angry right now, and I'm trying to stop feeling so strongly about you, so i can maintain my perspective on this thing we're in, I really think before we come face to face again that you realize this simple fact and please try not to engage me in anything that would send double messages." She agreed. That was good, but you know what was better? I just hung up without any parting salutation. Just pushed the button to end the call. CLICK~! B|TCH!

 

I never thought I could be as angry as I am right now! I'm making a Pumpkin Cheescake for tomorrow, and I can't help but STILL feel angry. Usually when I bake this time of year I feel really good. I absolutely hate this woman for hanging around so long. I wish she'd just hurry up and get the ***** out!

 

Course, I bet on the 19th of December I'll be a blubbering fool, but no matter, that's okay too. At least I'll be a blubbering fool without having to think about being married to a cold-hearted compassionless B|TCH!

 

Wow, I even typed that angry!

 

mA

[johan]

Good vent!

[MassiveAtom]

And now tonight she wanted to "go out." Why is it that she can't keep her crap to herself? Is it too much to ask that she just go out and not tell me?! God, I wish she would just be gone once and for all. But nooooooo! She has to take advantage of me and just hang around until it's convenient for her to move. What a crock!

 

Why not just go!? instead of staying here and making my life harder than absolutely miserable. I wish she had a spine. maybe then she could get out of my lif once and for all so I could start healing. Joan Jet was right. There is a THIN line between love and hate.

[VivianLee]

Hang in there MA!! From what I understand, the anger and even rage is part of having to deal with this....

[MassiveAtom]

So check this out, This afternoon, My I had planned to take my oldest daughter to a party. My STBXW, knowing this, allowed her to go to a movie with a friend and family while I was out at therapy. No problem. But the friends family brought my daughter back a little late, which made us pressed for time for the plans I had made.

 

I told my girl when she came in, " Okay, we're late, say hi and bye and let's go." She stood there and looked at my STBXW and our youngest, and opted not to bother them, instead she headed for the door. Of course now she wanted some water and started playing around, so I said , "C'mon let's go!" Well, she took off out the door. And My STBXW said, "You can't even let her say Hi and bye?!?"

 

Yeah, I told her "You could've gotten your @$$ up off the couch and taken care of that. It's not my responsibility to facilitate your relationship with the girls. I'll support the relationships existence, but YOU have to take the initiative to make it work." She went in telling me how bad I am, and what a mean person, ugh.