Tami Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I had given up on dating. Tried almost every route from blind dates, online, clubs (by the way...Hell Naw...etc. So I meet this guy on Memorial day of this year. I told him that I didnt want to date right now because I felt that i had baggage to get rid of. He wad so sincere with his approach and pretty much told me that he wasn't wealthy and driving a 2013 vehicle....but he had a job and a drive and would like a chance. I told him that if he found me on FB I would consider giving him a chance. That night a got a message on FB stating...I FIND WHAT I WANT. He told me that though he wasn't ready for a relationship, he did indeed wanted us to be friends first. In prior months his ex left him for another female so there is some ego damage going on. Things were a bit shaky at first but progressively got Alot better. We were around each other 3-5 times a week...sleepovers, dates, lunch at.work...etc. He loves my cooking. Talked and textd every single day...while at work and i always received a call right after work. He even brought his youngest to stay at my home. Alot more but Im trying not.to write a book. This is all while we are in the friend zone. Within the past weeks, things haven't been the same. We stopped having sex because he claims that it is complicating our friendship. Also noticed some chick calling his phone when it barely ringed. Visits decreased to maybe once a week. He doesn't answer his phone like he used to. I Cld call anytime and he'd answer. So i visited him the other day and he knew I was coming. Within minutes of me pulling up, this female pulls up to. I was so crushed. Later that night we had a discussion and i told him that i Cldnt be friends with him Becuz friends wldnt hurt friends like that. He stated that he needed me in his life. But we are just friends and i hldnt be upset. He apologized for her showing up supposedly unannounced. The following night i called him many times and he didn't answer. I called the house phone early tgerevbe following AM & they SAID HE wasn't there. Because I love this man...more than just a friend...I was so hurt. He told me that he lived me first. Now its like...I love you as friend. I know what that means. I asked him and because he didn't want to lie...no answer. He finally told me that he slept over a female friends house. It has bn two days. I have not text/called him. I receive a text from him this morning and it stated that he missed me. Yesterday he textd me that i was good women and that he can't be my man Becuz he would only hurt me. Asking me why am i doing this. That he is unhappy. I haven't responded to anything & I don't want to. Am i wrong if we were only friends but in my head I thought it was much more? I told him to leave me alone and he Hasn't. He is acting guilty but we are friends. I gave him all of his ish from my home including cards/gifts. He left one card...the one when he told me that he loved me for the 1st time. I ripped it up. He asked me why was i giving him his stuff. I told him so that he wldnt have reason to come back. And to take his ish to wherever he has bn laying his head.
Imajerk17 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 You decided to give a guy a chance due to him finding you on FB?? I'm having a tough time seeing the why in that. The main problem as I see it was that you were giving him sex without him giving you commitment. And as it ended badly for you (not surprising, these types of things usually do), you're pissed. Hopefully this was a lesson learned for you...
Zahara Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 First of all, friends don't sleep together. Go NC with him. Nothing good is going to come from being "friends" because that's just a lie. You want more and he can't give that to you.
todreaminblue Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 im really sorry tami......but it seems you stopped having sex once the phone calls started...and it reverted back to friendship on his request.......its really hard to be friends with someone you have strong feelings for and i feel that it is you who has those strong intimate feelings......he was either interested in this person before or by the damage done from his ex......(if its true).....he is going a bit hectic with the ego boost....mine happened at six months i was actually sick mentally, and i tried to date after my split...big mistake......i was in no way ready to start dating anyone.......i think a few months is not long enough especially if it is a shock break up or he could really think that you are a good woman and doesnt just want to use you for sex.........and that might be what he is doing with this other woman....but in all honesty you already know you cant be friends with him you are doing the right thing by not answering...stay no contact if he were to come to you and say ....i made a huge huge mistake.....i really do want to be with you......as more than friends lets give it a chance ......then its up to you to give him that chance ......you will have issues though maybe with trust..dont take the friendship ...it will only hurt you more........good luck......hugs...deb
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