Chan Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 ive been with my boyfriend 14 months now and the feeling that i started getting was soon after i 1st slept with him,(hes the 1st person ive slept with)ino hes had past experiences not sure how many but then agen i dont think i want to know! wen we 1st started goin out he always used 2 go on bout these other girls in his lyrics (he mc's with frends)ther about sleeping with girls,blow jobs and his 1st time,which i didnt mind at 1st cos didnt think we wld last that long and didnt think it wld become serious.but then after 3months i 1st slept with him i found my self thinking about it more things like im not as good,he thinks of them when hes with me and when we sleep together or wen i give him a bj and wen im laying in his arms im usually finding myself thinking something along the lines of some 1 else has been here. hes the 1st person ive bin in love with and sed it to hes sed it to other girls but he sed he never rly meant it i jus feel like im jus another girl and nothings different about me like im just another girl hes slept with and another girl hes told he loves. he recently told me he hasnt had ne 1 nite stands which made things 10 times worse as now i feel like they really meant something to him. maybe i feel like this becos i havnt had past experiences so i dont really no wot hes thinkin of wen hes with me, but i think of really intimate details like him being inside another girl and him pleasuring her the way he does me and sayin hes loved them durin sex. occasionally ther r times im pushing him away cos of the way i think and look into things but i dont feel im reasured enough to make me feel or think otherwise he nos bits and bobs of wot i think and ive written him a letter trying to explain how i feel but nothin changed and i stil dont feel reasured. there r times when hes sed things and then realises after the way ive interpreted it and he'l say sorry but not deny it or doesnt say something like no other girls compares to you,maybe nto even that but something resuring like i wld never think of ne 1 else but u, there jus some of the things i crave to hear as way opf reasurance. we have been thro quite alot together but we are sucha close couple and have taken things slowly but i dont no wot to do about my thoughts and feeling i try so hard to not think about them but i just cant do it im aware ther his past and hes wwith me now but it still doesnt make me think differently may b cos i havnt herd those words frm him!i do get tearful buy it but it just feels to much to take and i cant come to terms with it,isit jus becos hes my 1st everything other then kiss and i cant accept the fact im not his? chanx
Fetish 2 Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 Hey, Everything you have described i feel it too...I've been with my bf for 13 mths now and like you, have been through alot with him. But i do know he has had more of a history with girls than I have with other guys and am in the same boat as you when it comes to the sex thing. So me actualy posting a reply won't be of any help to you cause im in exactly the same boat and do not know what to do about it... all i can say is that i know it eats at you... I wake up in the morning only to think he was happier with a past girlfriend ... I dunno... Sorry I don't have any answers for you,... I just thought I'ld reply cause when i read ur post you were pretty much describing my situation! Good luck with everything and let me know how you go...if you have any solutions please let me know!!! xxx
zara Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 ..but from your 'text speak' style of writing i'm guessing that you are pretty young? 15? 16? Boys around your age, especially ones with the gift of the gab and charisma, as an MC must have, can charm the girls like birds off the trees. He's probably had a few girls he's seen for a few months at a time until he's moved on to the next, and ye, he may well have tried the whole "i love you baby" schtick to get them into bed and keep them there a while. What you have to do is look at this pattern of behaviour and ask yourself if in a few months you think you might be another one of those girls and there may be another sweet young thing lying in his arms worrying herslef over the exact same things. 1)Chances are he'll be this way until he's ooo, 35/ 40. 2)Chances also are that he could decide you are The One and Only girl he wants to be with for the rest of his life. If his songs extoll the virtues of having lots of girls and getting as much sex out of them as possible then it may be option one is most likely. I could tell you not to be so sweet, not to fall so readily head over heels, not to want to be his girl - but i know that it's be pointless. I will however, wish you well and remember: you fall in love, they break your heart, you fall in love again - it's part of the growing process.
Author Chan Posted November 25, 2004 Author Posted November 25, 2004 fetish: thanks 4 ur reply yeh ino how u feel its kinda reasuring tho knowing that im not the only looney girl thinking silly things which most people probly think they r but yeh ino how hard it is and how it drieves u mad how old r u? if it gets ne beter il let u no but it all started after i 1st slept with him which was january,hope all goes well 4 u 2xx Zara: yeh im 17 hes 19 i dnt think hes slept with that many ppl cos hes told one person 10 and another 7 i think its more like 4/5 but i dnt have a clue. i duno wether all his lyrics are true cos he mcs with his mates,he is however mature and mcin' is jus his hobby and the kinda music hes into, i hope hes the person i spend my life with i can really see it hes reasuring and says that to me to and wer really close like best friends ino alot of people think ur only young which yeh i am but i dont want other 'experiences' i may not be with him 4eva but i like to think i am going to.im open with him bout other stuff but this i jus cant go into detail with its just hard dealing i supose ina way cos im not his 1st but i no hes not like shag ne 1 hes told me he hasnt had one night stands,how do i believe that he doesnt compare ne to other girls and that im good at sexual stuff? thanksxx
zara Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 It's how he's treated the other girls that he's been with that counts. One night stands can be fine so long as both people involved understand the terms and conditions under which they take place. You do not mention how many other people you have slept with. Do you compare him with other people you have if not slept with, then kissed, touched or spent time with? (that's a rhetorical question, i don't want to know the answer) The answer is that everyone is different and he will not expect you to be the same as his past lovers and enjoys all of the unique things that make you so individual. You have to get over your anxiety about past lovers - if you search arounf here there is quite a recent thread from a young guy who can't stop thinking aobut the fact that his gf has slept with a couple of other people before him. That is just life these days and we all have a history. The best thing you can do is enjoy what you have in the here and now.
Author Chan Posted November 25, 2004 Author Posted November 25, 2004 thats the thing is i havtn had past sexual partners so that were my whole thing about hi comparing me tot hem came about because i dont know wot hes thinking about even tho thinking about it i dont think i rly think of anything when were having sex other then i supose how nice it is but other then that i think my minds blank but cant help but think hes thinking differently
zara Posted November 25, 2004 Posted November 25, 2004 well there you go! even though you haven't had any sexual partners surely there are guys you've kissed or spent time with - if thoughts of our ex parnters stayed with us so strongly we'd be with them, not the person we're with. Like i said, search for the other threads - i think the guy is called allentown on here or something like that... good luck!
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