Like it never was real

[Omei]

Halfway through my 7th month NC heading towards my 8th.

 

I struggle so hard to remember my ex, it seems I have brainwashed myself to remember things I didn't like I can't remember his voice, its hard to remember his face or his body, I hardly cry anymore, when I do cry its hard to remember idk its just getting very hard to remember.

 

He's in my dreams it doesn't upset me its like he's a movie star someone you find attractive but can't ever have so you take satisfaction in your dreams with them? I don't know, maybe its cuz I have smoked pot for years but I seem to have the ability to forget and block stuff out that hurts me. I have to try soooo hard to find a memory I loved its like it wasn't real.

 

Am I getting cold? It's hard to feel anything.

I hardly look or read the forums or stories now, they used to make me feel better now I dont need them.

Edited September 23, 2013 by Omei

[ellowmay]

I don't think this represents being cold. I felt the same way after my dad died. He came to me a lot in dreams and tried so hard to convince me he wasn't dead that I actually woke up not remembering his memorial service and had to ask someone that was there. It felt like I couldn't hold on to any good memories I wanted to about him either. He would be in my dreams but gone when I woke. Memory is fluid, the more you try to focus on it and pin it down, the more it will leak between your fingers. The less you focus on it, and the more you put yourself in a positive space and think about your past relationship and lovers with compassion the more good memories will come back to you. You may find that one day out of the blue you'll suddenly have a memory that will make you smile. You just have to remember to let all of your thoughts and memories come up, consider them lightly, then let them pass on, whether good or bad. Love them and let them go, like everything else. When your mind thinks it is safe it might let out more until it just becomes part of you.

[JoelBarish]

I think it's just a sign you are getting over it. My ex broke up with me about 16 days ago and already stuff has faded... almost seems like a lifetime ago. I miss her terribly and I am still in great pain . It just seems that all the bad stuff has over shadowed the good stuff.

 

And I've never even smoked pot.

[sniperz]

Same goes to me. We need to cope those hard times.

[Reels]

You are so loving, whoever ditched you is just not a good human.

[Omei]

It feels good to be "okay" and not in a mess.

Sometimes I feel like I want justice just like for them to be so heartbroken too but most of the time I am not even thinking about it.

 

I have made a guy friend nothing relationship like, but very much like with silly and fun its been filling any void that was missing, I have never been a person that "needs" physical touch. So right now all the laughing and all the talking is keeping me very happy.

 

Thanks for your comments

Ellow that's how I feel yeah in day I really don't feel the emotion like I would if I was dreaming.

 

Man! I do really miss cooking someone I love meals tho and then getting a smile and I love you for it.

[Reels]

It feels good to be "okay" and not in a mess.

Sometimes I feel like I want justice just like for them to be so heartbroken too but most of the time I am not even thinking about it.

 

I have made a guy friend nothing relationship like, but very much like with silly and fun its been filling any void that was missing, I have never been a person that "needs" physical touch. So right now all the laughing and all the talking is keeping me very happy.

 

Thanks for your comments

Ellow that's how I feel yeah in day I really don't feel the emotion like I would if I was dreaming.

 

Man! I do really miss cooking someone I love meals tho and then getting a smile and I love you for it.

I wish you will be always happy, and much happier than ever.