My girlfriend won't tell me how she feels, it's doing my nutt in.

[Spookyvision]

Hey, ive been going out with this girl for about a year now, and we really have quite a good relationship. We never have real arguements of any kind, and I love her greatly, and she loves me too. I feel i am very open with my feelings and thoughts with her, but i don't get the same back. I think that maybe she feels insecure about talking about her feelings, and she feels like she'll embarres herself or make me like her less. This really is far from true, and it wouldnt matter how she felt or if she really did say something stupid (very very unlikley) i love her way too much to run a mile. She never wants to talk about herself, saying 'i dont chat about those things' and the like.

 

Sometimes she seems very very happy, and other times she seems a bit down, but in neither case will she talk about her feelings/thoughts with me. It gets me down alot that i cant help her, or at least talk with her about things to do with how she feels.

 

I keep feeling like im somehow losing her, even though in every other respect we're fine. Its tearing me apart inside, i don't know what to do.

[SoleMate]

You may be listening to her in a way that does not promote communication. Are you criticizing her, judging her, or commenting on her ideas, however constructively or lovingly? Are you trying to fix the problems or issues she mentions?

 

Please see ideas on "generous listening" at http://www.womensleadership.com/alumnaesubpage/coachtip_6_1_01.html

[Spookyvision]

Thanks, but all the tips on there have been tried by me before. I try not to pressurise or critisise, i just ask her how shes feeling, and then she goes completely cold on me.

 

In the past i have tried my hardest not to 'get invlolved' or try and solve the situation (something i understand most men like to do) unless she asks me to, or to critisise. It seems like ive tried everything to get her to open up, including not trying (or being passive) and being 'politely inquisitive'.

 

I don't know, i think shes happy this way, when she doesnt tell me about her feelings. Im just not sure i am, I feel like a relationship should be deeper?

 

I don't know, am i being childish by wanting to know how she feels and what goes on in her head? (to a certain extent, im not a weirdo meglomaniac)

 

Please help

[gridiron]

For a year old relationship where both of you love each other, there is definitely nothing wrong with what you want

 

I hate to speculate without knowing her, but it could be she is suffering from depression, and since you say she is sometimes very very upbeat, and sometimes very very down, it could be bipolar depression. Check out some sites discussing symptoms and see if this could possibly be it.

 

Has she always been this way? Has she experienced any major life events that may be causing this? Does she say anything else about why she does not open up besides that she doesn't want to chat about it?