Oldcatskinner Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Hello everybody! Here it is at 3:30 a.m., and I am wide awake, and cannot seem to go to bed. Anyways, I'm so grateful for the help I've received on this board, and although it is sad because those of us that end up here are heartbroken and confused, we don't have to stay that way. I've lurked and been on here long enough to see a "class" go through, and it seems as if a new one has cropped up in the past two days. I was thinking of all the times I said "what if this" and "what if I did that" and would it change anything with my ex? No. It wouldn't. You can't change the past and what happened. But you can use the energy spend on those "what if" questions to prepare for the future. An example of what I've been struggling with: Old: What if I would have been more open in meaningful communication in the early stages of the relationship? Would she still talk to me? New: Now that I know what happened through my experiences, I should have spent less time making out and being physical and more time as an active communicator with my partner. For the next relationship, whoever it may be with, I will enter into a meaningful dialog where the possibility of "make it or break it" issues may be brought up. Should these arise, I will state the issue, my intended resolution, and discuss these with my partner. Should we come to an agreement, great. If we don't, is this a make it or break it issue. If it isn't, then great. Figure out how to work around it. If it is, ok. I was honest and upfront, and true to my needs. And through it all, I love myself, and I can truly love someone else only when I love myself. I will not let the fear of losing someone overpower my course. 1
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