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Got 'lets just be friends'. My reply; too wussy?

Guitarisgood

By Guitarisgood
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Guitarisgood Established Member

Guitarisgood

Posted
Posted

Me: Oh well, it was good while it lasted, all the best for your pursuits

Her: We can still be friends can't we?

Me: I have enough friends. Good bye

Her: Haha... Umm ok

 

Did I screw this up? I wanted to walk away and ignore her but found myself biting. The old me would have stuck around but I don't plan to. Sure I'll see her around university but a smile and hey should be enough before I walk off. I just don't get her last reply and the 'haha' just irks me.

 

So what do you guys think? I've moved on but I just want to have something for future reference on what I should do/ should have done. Cheers.

  • Like 2
sickpuppy Established Member

sickpuppy

Posted
Posted
Me: Oh well, it was good while it lasted, all the best for your pursuits

Her: We can still be friends can't we?

Me: I have enough friends. Good bye

Her: Haha... Umm ok

 

Did I screw this up? I wanted to walk away and ignore her but found myself biting. The old me would have stuck around but I don't plan to. Sure I'll see her around university but a smile and hey should be enough before I walk off. I just don't get her last reply and the 'haha' just irks me.

 

So what do you guys think? I've moved on but I just want to have something for future reference on what I should do/ should have done. Cheers.

 

 

That's fine.

 

Or: Sure we can be friends. The kind of friends who don't ever communicate again. Take care.

 

Though that would still sound "mad".

 

I'd guess the best thing to say would be: Sure. See you around. (and leave it at that.)

MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

Posted
Posted

"Haha I don't really do the friends thing but that's cool. Take care."

  • Like 1
emva07 Established Member

emva07

Posted
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i don't think there is anything wrong with what you said.

LittleTiger Established Member

LittleTiger

Posted
Posted
I just don't get her last reply and the 'haha' just irks me.

 

So what do you guys think?

 

What you said was just fine.

 

She laughed because she was probably a little uncomfortable with you rejecting her friendship and she wasn't sure what to say in reply.

 

I wouldn't read any more into it than that.

  • Like 2
Carenth Established Member

Carenth

Posted
Posted

You did good and were honest nothing wrong with that. Now if only all the people lamenting the "friend zone" could do this they would be a lot happier. Rather than pretending to be friends with people they are attracted to.

  • Like 1
Bubberfly Established Member

Bubberfly

Posted
Posted

The "just be friends" tactic is something women (and a lot of men) say because they feel guilty about blowing you off. It really is a load of *** and kind of a passive-aggressive tactic. What you said was just fine and dandy. Kudos to you for your remark. If more guys did this the "lets just be friends" comment would hopefully go into obscurity.

  • Like 1
pointfive Member

pointfive

Posted
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Yup as others have said, I think that's fine... she might be confused or saddened by it, hoping you would be friends but if you want to move on... better to start fresh. She'll get over it too eventually.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

A guy once told me: "only if by friends you really mean friends with benefits"

  • Like 2
madjac74 Established Member

madjac74

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Is this the girl you have been "seeing" for like a week that you mentioned in your other posts? Yes your reply was just fine and the "haha" was probably because you handled it like a kid that is mad so he is going to take his ball and go home.

  • Like 1
MrCastle Established Member

MrCastle

Posted
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Can I just sidetrack the convo for a second? A lot is made on here about staying cool and not showing your emotions, but being emotional is a very human response.

 

I mean you shouldn't be an emotional wreck and just a wad of feelings 24/7 but letting people know you are disappointed, annoyed, angry, etc is normal, and healthy.

 

The way I see it, when someone rejects you, what difference does it make if you show it upset you? You don't get brownie points for being stoic and indifferent. They're not suddenly gonna want to sleep with you because you were indifferent to the rejection.

 

All it does, is makes you bottle the anger, harbor resentment, and turn bitter. Better to let it out while it's still small and not let it grow. That's how I see it, anyway.

 

When a woman leads me to believe she's not buying what I'm selling I laugh at her ridiculousness and tell her to have a good one.

  • Like 4
crederer Established Member

crederer

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No. Your reply was just fine. For someone to assume after dating that you'll automatically be their friend is a dink.

madjac74 Established Member

madjac74

Posted
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My best friend in the world is a girl that I had to have a talk about "there isnt an attraction and I hope we can be friends". I did it to her face of course and not via text like it is done these days. I know she was hurt at the time and I'm so happy she gave me a shot at being friends. I am so thankful everyday that she is still a part of my life 5 years later.

  • Like 2
ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

Posted
Posted
Me: Oh well, it was good while it lasted, all the best for your pursuits

Her: We can still be friends can't we?

Me: I have enough friends. Good bye

Her: Haha... Umm ok

 

Can't believe everyone is saying your reply is fine. I think it looked bitter, hostile and resentful. She didn't let you in and your response was to slam the door in her face. I'm not sure what you want / expect from that but if you wanted any future chance with her, that was a bad move. If not, what does it matter?

 

A better response would have been to keep your dignity without looking resentful. Too tired to word that for you.

  • Like 5
Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
My best friend in the world is a girl that I had to have a talk about "there isnt an attraction and I hope we can be friends". I did it to her face of course and not via text like it is done these days. I know she was hurt at the time and I'm so happy she gave me a shot at being friends. I am so thankful everyday that she is still a part of my life 5 years later.

 

I'm not really sure what the point of this story is.

madjac74 Established Member

madjac74

Posted
Posted
I'm not really sure what the point of this story is.

 

He passed up on a possible friend because his pride was hurt.

 

Did you have anything to add or was that all?

  • Like 1
CC12 Established Member

CC12

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Too wussy? No, just kind of...inappropriate, I guess? It lacked finesse.

 

I think the thought behind the statement was okay - you don't want to be friends, that's fine. But I think you could have worded it with a little more tact. Maybe, "Thanks for the offer, but let's just leave it. It was nice meeting you. I'll see you around." I don't know, something lighthearted and accepting, not a statement that looks like you're throwing a big angry middle finger at her.

  • Like 2
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
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"Haha I don't really do the friends thing but that's cool. Take care."

 

 

 

That is the absolute best way I would like a guy do the " we can't be friends" thing.

 

I find it incredibly obnoxious when a guy says " I have enough friends"...

 

Yeah. You mean, you liked the sex and hanging around me somewhat, but you do not even find me worthy of being a friend?

 

I am inferring to men who are not in long term relationships with me.

 

Of course, being friends aint feasible after a long term thing.

 

For short term flings, however; it is quiet offending when a guy will throw the " I already have enough friends" line.

 

It is basically them saying that they are not attracted enough by your personality, in order to warrant being friends with them when sex is not in the picture.

 

A simple " you're great, but I don't do the lets be friends thing with girls, it just aint my thing" would suffice. Then at least I feel it is not ME, but rather THEM that does not want to be my friend due to not even LIKING being around me to make him want friendship without sex....

  • Like 4
kdobbs Member

kdobbs

Posted
Posted
Can't believe everyone is saying your reply is fine. I think it looked bitter, hostile and resentful. She didn't let you in and your response was to slam the door in her face. I'm not sure what you want / expect from that but if you wanted any future chance with her, that was a bad move. If not, what does it matter?

 

A better response would have been to keep your dignity without looking resentful. Too tired to word that for you.

 

Seriously agree with this.

I mean she is probably thinking now, "Wow, what a douche. Dodged a bullet there".

  • Like 3
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

Nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends, but the way you phrased it really comes across as lacking in social aptitude.

  • Like 1
lino Established Member

lino

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The whole 'We can be friends' thing that girls use is massively fake and done only to make them feel less guilty.

 

An equally fake 'Sure we can be friends' is a good response I think and just never have anything to do with them again.

  • Like 1
veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
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I think your reply was fine, esp considering her offer of friendship probably wasn't even genuine anyway.

  • Like 7
sickpuppy Established Member

sickpuppy

Posted
Posted

Of course women "wouldn't mind" if the men they date decide to use the throw away line of "Let's just be friends" at them. lol

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

'Sure, let's hang out at the track this weekend and watch the races'

 

You know, like friends....heh.

 

OP, if your reply was honest, then it's not wussy, nor socially inept. When a man seeks out a woman for dating, a relationship and sex, he's not looking for a friend. He's looking for a romantic and sexual partner. Most men, like most women, do indeed have full social and familial lives and many friends. Hence, they're not looking to add to that tally but rather for either sex if they're seeking casual encounters or an intimate partner if their focus is more long-term. Perhaps, in time, that person may become their best friend and spouse. After.

 

Good luck.

  • Like 3
Woop1337 Established Member

Woop1337

Posted
Posted
Me: Oh well, it was good while it lasted, all the best for your pursuits

Her: We can still be friends can't we?

Me: I have enough friends. Good bye

Her: Haha... Umm ok

 

Did I screw this up? I wanted to walk away and ignore her but found myself biting. The old me would have stuck around but I don't plan to. Sure I'll see her around university but a smile and hey should be enough before I walk off. I just don't get her last reply and the 'haha' just irks me.

 

So what do you guys think? I've moved on but I just want to have something for future reference on what I should do/ should have done. Cheers.

 

 

Good for you. Not alot of guys would've said what you said. A better way was to agree along with her agenda, of being friends. Then do the complete opposite. If you see her at school, be courteous, but don't give her 5 mins of your time.

  • Like 1
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