antineutrino Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Went out with a girl Friday. Thought it went well. Asked her out today for a second date and she said yes. Maybe it was stupid of me, but I suggested a place near both of us and said I could pick her up and we could walk there together. After she said yes to the date, she sent me this: "can i just be honest with you about something...because i feel like it needs to be said and I just want to make sure we're both on the same page. I'm not really into the whole 'dating' scene...but I'm definitely interested in getting to know you more. It's just the whole 'picking me up' thing seems very formal...and i'd rather it just be like two friends getting to know each other better.... Idk...I could be reading the whole thing wrong...but I just thought it would be said. Thoughts? Let me know if I'm over thinking things...I tend to do that :/" What does this mean....? What should I do? One of my friends said I should diffuse the situation with a joke, but I don't know what to write.
Misfortune Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Just tell her that you'll meet her at the place. It doesn't seem complicated to me, she's not blowing you off, just telling you what she's comfortable with right now. Once you get to know each other better, I'm sure she'll be ok with you picking her up. 1
sickpuppy Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 (edited) Went out with a girl Friday. Thought it went well. Asked her out today for a second date and she said yes. Maybe it was stupid of me, but I suggested a place near both of us and said I could pick her up and we could walk there together. After she said yes to the date, she sent me this: "can i just be honest with you about something...because i feel like it needs to be said and I just want to make sure we're both on the same page. I'm not really into the whole 'dating' scene...but I'm definitely interested in getting to know you more. It's just the whole 'picking me up' thing seems very formal...and i'd rather it just be like two friends getting to know each other better.... Idk...I could be reading the whole thing wrong...but I just thought it would be said. Thoughts? Let me know if I'm over thinking things...I tend to do that :/" What does this mean....? What should I do? One of my friends said I should diffuse the situation with a joke, but I don't know what to write. I experienced a similar thing when I told a girl I'd pick her up simply because the place my friends and I were going to was crowded. She never went as she probably wasn't ever really into me, and or I came off as too "serious" as in I was already going with friends and it might've looked like I was trying to come off as too "serious" in a first hang out/date with friends there. Also me wanting to pick her up which may've put pressure on her also to think I was being too formal. I was simply looking to save time and make it easier. (My previous ex lived far away so I always picked her up and figured since I pick up friends to go places it was normal to me. Guess not. lol) Just tell her you agree. Don't make a joke out of it. Don't pick her up till after a few dates. I must be totally out of the loop as I guess people want to take it slow and think that by you picking them up (even if it's easier) that you might be possibly too "clingy", find out where they live and stalk them, or whatever. It's almost like even if they know you already women are subconciously thinking everyone is a possible creeper. You have t osometimes wonder who the hell these people meet. lol The thing is if she thought you were some drop dead gorgeous "God" I don't think her nor many women would give a crap if you picked them up. Just take it slow and meet her. I guess that's how it's done nowadays. Edited September 23, 2013 by sickpuppy
Author antineutrino Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Thanks for the input. So you don't think I've been friendzoned or anything? I'll just tell her the place and let her know what time to meet me there. I only gave her a hug goodnight after the first date. Should I refrain from kissing after this date since it seems like she wants to take it a little slower?
sickpuppy Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Thanks for the input. So you don't think I've been friendzoned or anything? I'll just tell her the place and let her know what time to meet me there. I only gave her a hug goodnight after the first date. Should I refrain from kissing after this date since it seems like she wants to take it a little slower? Nah. I thought that in my case. But it might not've been and I screwed up in some way. (Though I can't be sure if the girl in my case ever really liked me. lol) I'd go for the kiss. Frig it. I mean she is meeting you again. This time step up with a kiss on the lips.
heartshaped Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I'd clarify things with her. It seems that she just wants to see you and see where things go, but I'd definitely make sure that's what she wants and isn't friend zoning you before things go any further.
todreaminblue Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Went out with a girl Friday. Thought it went well. Asked her out today for a second date and she said yes. Maybe it was stupid of me, but I suggested a place near both of us and said I could pick her up and we could walk there together. After she said yes to the date, she sent me this: "can i just be honest with you about something...because i feel like it needs to be said and I just want to make sure we're both on the same page. I'm not really into the whole 'dating' scene...but I'm definitely interested in getting to know you more. It's just the whole 'picking me up' thing seems very formal...and i'd rather it just be like two friends getting to know each other better.... Idk...I could be reading the whole thing wrong...but I just thought it would be said. Thoughts? Let me know if I'm over thinking things...I tend to do that :/" What does this mean....? What should I do? One of my friends said I should diffuse the situation with a joke, but I don't know what to write. i dont think its formal at all, but to start out with women might feel more comfortable meeting you somewhere rather than pick them up at their house.....when i date a guy i tell them outright i dont bring guys back as i have daughters and unless it is serious for me...and my intentions are unchangeable for quite a while...i dont introduce them to my family, so meeting at the house is out.....if i trust a guy and have known him a while i dont have a problem them coming in...or picking me up....that takes a while..deb
Author antineutrino Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Nah. I thought that in my case. But it might not've been and I screwed up in some way. (Though I can't be sure if the girl in my case ever really liked me. lol) I'd go for the kiss. Frig it. I mean she is meeting you again. This time step up with a kiss on the lips. Haha fair enough. So meet her there... but walk her back after dinner. I'd clarify things with her. It seems that she just wants to see you and see where things go, but I'd definitely make sure that's what she wants and isn't friend zoning you before things go any further. How would you suggest clarifying things?
Bubberfly Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 This sounds to me like she's interested (or she would have just said no) and wants to take things slow. If you're into her, I say go for it, get to know her go at a pace she's comfortable with. Good luck
Guitarisgood Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 The question every guy as to ask when a girl does this is, if she'd do it to Bradd Pitt or some other hollywood star. If so, you know how this will end.
sickpuppy Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 The question every guy as to ask when a girl does this is, if she'd do it to Bradd Pitt or some other hollywood star. If so, you know how this will end. See that's the BS I don't buy. These same women will act that way towards you but if it were some alpha "God" whom they know has many other options you can bet your azz while she may pull the "don't pick me up, let's take things slow" with you she for damn sure isn't going to do that with some uber "hawt" guy. Her azz will pick HIM up if she had to!
madjac74 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I'm sure Brad Pitt wouldn't act like a hurt little school boy about it and just go with the flow and have fun on the date.
emva07 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 my answer to everything awkward: "ok" She's telling you what she wants and it's up to you if you're ok with it or not right? so OK is totally a legit answer right? then when you want to ask her out next just tell her to meet you at so and so place.
Author antineutrino Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Fair enough. I'm still going to go on the date, of course. I guess I'll just go with the flow. To 9122013, I read it the same way originally. I just don't see why she'd agree to a second date if it was purely a FZ thing. 1
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 "can i just be honest with you about something...because i feel like it needs to be said and I just want to make sure we're both on the same page. I'm not really into the whole 'dating' scene...but I'm definitely interested in getting to know you more. It's just the whole 'picking me up' thing seems very formal...and i'd rather it just be like two friends getting to know each other better.... Idk...I could be reading the whole thing wrong...but I just thought it would be said. Thoughts? Let me know if I'm over thinking things...I tend to do that :/" It is conspicuous that she did NOT word this in such a way where there was clarity about her not being interested in you beyond friendship. There is a bit of formality to the being picked-up (yet it isn't unreasonable or extreme). I might liken it to how some people won't allow themselves to sit through a meal without having their phone/text on... as if they have to stay in-touch with their lives, not unlike a doctor being on-call. (*** that reminds me: remember the days of doctors going to restaurants, and giving their contact/seating info to the staff, on the chance they may be phoned at the restaurant in the event of a medical emergency ) I sense this girl to have genuine interest on some level... and in reality it doesn't matter if further interest is sparked from interactions of initial friendship, frottage, or from the moss growing on a rolling stone. Just being in her company is a big step in the right direction, and if she turns her phone off for you, that's all the better!
crosswordfiend Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 To me it sounds like she is not interested in you as a romantic prospect. There's nothing you can do about really. You will find out how you stand after your non-date. 1
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