violetprincess Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Hi everyone and welcome to my soap opera. I have been having an affair with a MM for almost five years now. We have had a few separations but only for very short periods of time and have always managed to come right back to each other. I too am married and have two young kids. MM is obviously married and he has three kids, one teen and two younger ones. We met a year before we started seeing each other and it was six months or so before our EA turned into a PA. Now, we constantly text and call each other. We see each other as often as possible, which is sometimes much longer apart than either of us would like. He feeds me the standard lines about leaving his wife when his youngest is older, how he wants to be with me, how he wishes he had met me before, etc. He has never once told me that he loves me. That breaks my heart every time he has the opportunity and doesn't take it. Once, I told him that I could so fall in love with him. He freaked out on me and we split for a while after that. I am so afraid to tell him that I love him now. I do love him and it kills my soul that I don't know if he loves me. This week, he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him for him to get a divorce. We also had this discussion about how he wants me to be happy and how he was raised that what we have isn't what people do, people should be a family and all that jazz. I cried because I'm an emotional spazz when it comes to him. So, I asked him, what about his happiness? He says he knows he can't go on fighting with the wife like this and the only relief he gets is when he is with me. He stopped having sex with her four years ago. Husband and I have done the same. She told him a few months ago that she knew he didn't love her anymore and that he was in love with me. So... here I am. A jacked up hot mess as my best friend told me. I decided to try and find somewhere I could express my feelings to others who understand. Please, feel free to jump in and give me your two cents because my two cents are about worthless because I am not thinking with my head at this point.
sweet_pea Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Are you planning on getting a divorce? You say you are married, but you're asking him to divorce and leave his wife. Are you going to do the same?
Author violetprincess Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 I am in the middle of my divorce as we speak. It's been a very long and nasty process. I feel married until I see the judge's stamp on the final decree with everyone's signatures. Does that make sense?
Sooverhim Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 VioletPrincess, I am so sorry you are in this situation. Please listen to Pierre's words, they are the truth. You are wasting your time on this man, break all ties with him and move on with your life. Love and best wishes to you x
WrinkledForehead Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 What is love if you can't even say it? What is love if you don't feel it? Oh, sweetie. I hope you find strength and peace but you're going to have to dig deep and work hard. 1
solostand Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Sometimes I find the dynamics of these affairs is I Can Make Him Love Me, like a competition or something. However, you are too terrified to ask because the answer may be wrong - - - so you continue on deluding yourself he must love me, why would he take risks if he didnt If it has been this long, and he does not say he loves you, believe him. He doesnt. Heartbreaking but true. 1
mitchell Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Go get your divorce and get on with your life. Find someone who isn't married and loves you. This guy is just using you for his own pleasure. "He hasn't had sex with his wife in 4 years." That's the funniest lie I've read. He has sex with his wife 2-3 times a week just like all other married couples. He also gets to screw you when he's able to sneak away for a few moments. Do yourself a favor and dump this loser while you get on with your life.
Ladydrib Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Hi everyone and welcome to my soap opera. I have been having an affair with a MM for almost five years now. We have had a few separations but only for very short periods of time and have always managed to come right back to each other. I too am married and have two young kids. MM is obviously married and he has three kids, one teen and two younger ones. We met a year before we started seeing each other and it was six months or so before our EA turned into a PA. Now, we constantly text and call each other. We see each other as often as possible, which is sometimes much longer apart than either of us would like. He feeds me the standard lines about leaving his wife when his youngest is older, how he wants to be with me, how he wishes he had met me before, etc. He has never once told me that he loves me. That breaks my heart every time he has the opportunity and doesn't take it. Once, I told him that I could so fall in love with him. He freaked out on me and we split for a while after that. I am so afraid to tell him that I love him now. I do love him and it kills my soul that I don't know if he loves me. This week, he asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him for him to get a divorce. We also had this discussion about how he wants me to be happy and how he was raised that what we have isn't what people do, people should be a family and all that jazz. I cried because I'm an emotional spazz when it comes to him. So, I asked him, what about his happiness? He says he knows he can't go on fighting with the wife like this and the only relief he gets is when he is with me. He stopped having sex with her four years ago. Husband and I have done the same. She told him a few months ago that she knew he didn't love her anymore and that he was in love with me. So... here I am. A jacked up hot mess as my best friend told me. I decided to try and find somewhere I could express my feelings to others who understand. Please, feel free to jump in and give me your two cents because my two cents are about worthless because I am not thinking with my head at this point. Get away for good. This man is not capable of love. And I do not say that because he's in an affair. I believe plenty of men in affairs do love their wives and/or the OW but in this case the man is only a user. He uses people to suit his needs. He cannot love. You are pouring your heart and energy into a painful dead end. I suspect you already know this. You are not doing yourself any favors by explaining away your knowledge of this. Take the knowledge, do not waiver, and experience the pain of loss. It will be a while but I'm sure this is not how you want to live your life so you must go through the pain to get out of it. I am sure you already realize you've wasted a lot of precious time on him. You can get out and not waste anymore time.
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