Dating these days = hookup culture?

[phineas]

Like the article says, I think it's a lot of baloney. It's not like AIDS or herpes got cured recently or anything. I think the '70s were tenfold the free love era than anything is today.

 

As a single guy, I'm sure not seeing any more "liberated" women coming into my world for flings. The 2010's/recession-era has been far more of a drought for me, personally. Women are far more uptight, seem more often hitched wherever I go, and far less flirty than say, the early 2000's.

 

My two cents.

 

If a woman is attracted to you physically, she will not care if you have a lot of money.

If you bang her good she will not care if you hang out at home and only go out once in a while.

 

It's the guys who rely on status, money, ect. to attract a woman that can't get away with that.

They have to be constantly taking the woman out & showing them a good time.

They are essentially props & are happy to do it.

 

Unfortunately, if you don't go out much it's hard to meet the former type of women & honestly the latter type are what you will find the most if you go to clubs or bars so it does make it hard.

[Menina]

I have torespectfully disagree with this post as it somewhat tries to perpetuate traditional gender roles and that it focuses on women as the sole "carriers"of this so clalled hooku culture.For each woman that hookups with a guy, well there’s a guy that hookups with her isn’t it? Anyways, there’s this myth that men want sex more than women, that women are to be pursued rather than pursuers, however if you visit different countries and talk to different people with different backgrounds you will see that this varies even among people in the US. Nowadays, like the 60s, people (both men and women) are more open with sexuality and are more accepting of different types of relationships.

 

About marriage, I was debating with a friend not long ago about why young women seek marriage and why marriage lasted longer in the past decades. Well, women were financially dependent, they were raised to become housewives, and they weren’t educated and didn’t participate in politics. Women were expected to get married. Once married, divorce was never an option; either because of religion, the stigma of being a divorced woman or because they would’ve been left in a financial struggle, among other reasons. That’s also why women stayed in marriages even enduring sexual, physical and psychological abuse.

 

In this era, women are more independent socially, sexually and financially. That doesn’t mean that we’re not seeking for long term relationships, as somebody showed you there are studies that proves that today’s generation wants to get involved in LTR. It means that we’re not going to settle for the first guy that comes up, that some of us are delaying forming families because we have other priorities like studies, work and play, and that we’re more open to explore our sexuality. And let’s face it, it’s not as this has never happened, it happened before just nobody talked about it. I really don’t get why men may find this disheartening.

[Copelandsanity]

It's both men and women who find it disheartening. There are good men and women who have their lives together that have to deal with a lot of BS. For instance, a woman who spends a few weeks with a guy who acts perfectly until he's tired of her, pulls a disappearing act and is onto the next girl. This happens quite frequently where I am, and is pervasive amongst guys even in their late 30s and 40s. Or a guy who is constantly rejected or doesn't get anywhere with women despite being a good catch. I have male friends in this situation and more who also have settled for someone not as good as them. It's not even just the aforementioned, but also a lot of just treating one another with common decency and like a human being.

[Copelandsanity]

From my personal experience, what phineas said is true. I never had much success with girls until I focused on things that I didn't believe mattered (looks, working out, style, being sexually aggressive). Once I got more sexual experience, the combination of attractiveness and being good in bed was absolutely lethal. I ended up marrying someone completely out of league - a cute doctor who's one of the greatest people I've ever met - and once I started being more myself (good to her, treated her well, sacrificial, shy), she was unfaithful and the marriage fell apart.

[Babolat]

I am amazed at the number of womon on the OLD site I am on, who have a profile that screams "LTR", yet when you start chatting with them the conversation drifts into sex.

 

Last night, I finally decided to message a few woman. I chatted with a few, one turned into texting, and within minutes she starts sending me pics and videos of her. All tasteful, but really, that much, that soon, and ots of hints at sex. Even sent me a bikin photo and photos of her working out in her skin showing work out clothes. I was shocked as her profile was well written, seemed to be a great match. She even asked when we could meet, listing out her schedule for the next week.

 

Another messaged me 2-3 times then asked if we could meet for drinks this week and "see what happens the rest of the night" . I looked at some of the answers to her questions, and yeah, same thing, a profile that screams LTR, yet answers to questions that say "I want sex".

 

RedRobin, no, I am not bragging either, simply sharing an observation from personal experience.

 

So yeah, it's an interesting world out there, and it's not just men doing this.

[sickpuppy]

This.

Women will complain to anyone who hears about guys who just want sex.

But they will still sleep with those guys casually.

 

I've had female co-workers want to hang out alone at either of our places and used the lamest excuses to do it.

 

I've stupidly or maybe not too stupidly turned them down. Same with hanging out with them and drinking.

I REFUSE to just hook up with a co-worker. period.

I will DATE them, but i will not be one of the many drunken hook-ups.

 

So women at work either think i'm gay, "not man enough", or just not interested in them.

 

They will come onto me when out, but, if I don't make a serious effort to try and sleep with them that night (hitting on them, putting my arm around them, ect. is not enough) will flake if I ask them on a date.

Hell, making out with them without trying to sleep with them is just "fun" for most women. It means nothing.

 

It's like my only choice is to bang them then figure it out later & i don't care to do that in the work environment.

 

Yes! Yes! Yes! It's bat**** insane! Little do these same women realize is that though in their minds you are a "nice guy looking for a relationship" you may also be the same guy who isn't controlled by his d1k and their "pvzzy power" and will bounce on them if things don't work out ANYWAY. I love hearing women "complain" about the "dogs" yet those are the ones they sleep with. I don't feel sorry for them AT ALL and pretty much just walk away the second they start mentioning it. It's old and boring. I see it because women don't know what they want (though will swear they do to seem it), though they see the "dog" as a challenge, know he won't stick around and "pressure" them, and depending on who it is will actually in their minds INCREASE their "value" and social proof.(And no this isn't some bitter man rant.)

 

Asking a woman out on a date seems like you're almost out of touch and are trying to take things "too serious" when you could be just looking to go out and actually do something together and see how things go while having fun. It's amazing to me how many people I've talked to who have really done nothing. I'm always going new places with friends and like none of these other people have done them or barely let alone taken vacations.

 

 

 

Now, while I will not hook up with women from work, other women I meet is a different story.

I've learned recently that actually trying to date someone is total fail.

Most of the women I meet want it ASAP it seems.

 

So, If I meet someone & she wants to come home with me and I see myself wanting to get to know her better, I take her home & I bang her.

I bang her good otherwise I won't hear from her again.

 

Totally different from my fat days of dating when I had to jump through hoops just to get a woman to kiss me.

 

I am in 100% agreement. It's almost like the sex is now the most important part of a "relationship" and everything else is low priority (even though "complained" about). Sure I would be kindof hypocritical and want sex a lot and quick too, but I've never been the type to jump from person to person. I've got too much of a life to do that. With Facebook,instagram,twitter, OLD etc. There's too many choices being thrown at people these days like a free menu the size of War and Peace. You can keep ordering and ordering and never know what the hell you truly want. And people actually expect to be taken seriously?? You've got to wonder why so many women are on some sort of medication these days, smoking pot, drinking etc. I don't buy the excuses made for peoples past either and how they've "changed" for the "better". Really? You've changed for the "better"? How long did it take these people to realize what's "better" for them and then seriously expect that good person to take them serious? It's hilarious. Pathetically hilarious.

Edited September 23, 2013 by sickpuppy

[RedRobin]

I am amazed at the number of womon on the OLD site I am on, who have a profile that screams "LTR", yet when you start chatting with them the conversation drifts into sex.

 

Last night, I finally decided to message a few woman. I chatted with a few, one turned into texting, and within minutes she starts sending me pics and videos of her. All tasteful, but really, that much, that soon, and ots of hints at sex. Even sent me a bikin photo and photos of her working out in her skin showing work out clothes. I was shocked as her profile was well written, seemed to be a great match. She even asked when we could meet, listing out her schedule for the next week.

 

Another messaged me 2-3 times then asked if we could meet for drinks this week and "see what happens the rest of the night" . I looked at some of the answers to her questions, and yeah, same thing, a profile that screams LTR, yet answers to questions that say "I want sex".

 

RedRobin, no, I am not bragging either, simply sharing an observation from personal experience.

 

So yeah, it's an interesting world out there, and it's not just men doing this.

 

It's ok. I maintain a profile on OkC as well. Since I'm there for friends and activity partners, I put down "everybody" in what I'm looking for.

 

This means I see what the women write as well... bi, straight, and married. Of both genders.

 

Yea, you definitely have a point.

[sickpuppy]

I am amazed at the number of womon on the OLD site I am on, who have a profile that screams "LTR", yet when you start chatting with them the conversation drifts into sex.

 

Last night, I finally decided to message a few woman. I chatted with a few, one turned into texting, and within minutes she starts sending me pics and videos of her. All tasteful, but really, that much, that soon, and ots of hints at sex. Even sent me a bikin photo and photos of her working out in her skin showing work out clothes. I was shocked as her profile was well written, seemed to be a great match. She even asked when we could meet, listing out her schedule for the next week.

 

Another messaged me 2-3 times then asked if we could meet for drinks this week and "see what happens the rest of the night" . I looked at some of the answers to her questions, and yeah, same thing, a profile that screams LTR, yet answers to questions that say "I want sex".

 

RedRobin, no, I am not bragging either, simply sharing an observation from personal experience.

 

So yeah, it's an interesting world out there, and it's not just men doing this.

 

OLD especially free sites are not much more than hookup sites these days. People will use the "dating" aspect of it as a thinly veiled " serious" disguise. You can meet very,very few decent people on them but who knows how long they've been on those sites, how many they are on, if they will actually even delete their profile rather than hide it once you get into a relationship with them, how many "dates" they've went on etc.

 

You also have to wonder about women who "complain" about all the "creeps" using OLD. At what point does any sane "good" person decide to simply delete their profile after getting email slapped in the face by multiple c0k pics and dirty messages. It's pretty telling to say the least.

 

Hang out in a dive bar for months and years with sleazeballs yet "complain" you can't find a good man. (I love that story.) Well...It's because you aren't so "good" yourself. Self-reflection is sorely lacking these days.

 

 

If you could actually read the replies on women's OLD email inboxes the "angel" she described herself in her profile and "nice" pictures WILL show you more than enough evidence to the contrary.

 

Take everything and everyone in OLD with a grain of salt.

Edited September 23, 2013 by sickpuppy

[Mrlonelyone]

For truth I quote the two post below. I want to add

 

 

Women will hook up with men they would never EVER date!

 

 

This.

Women will complain to anyone who hears about guys who just want sex.

But they will still sleep with those guys casually.

 

I've had female co-workers want to hang out alone at either of our places and used the lamest excuses to do it.

 

I've stupidly or maybe not too stupidly turned them down. Same with hanging out with them and drinking.

I REFUSE to just hook up with a co-worker. period.

I will DATE them, but i will not be one of the many drunken hook-ups.

 

So women at work either think i'm gay, "not man enough", or just not interested in them.

 

They will come onto me when out, but, if I don't make a serious effort to try and sleep with them that night (hitting on them, putting my arm around them, ect. is not enough) will flake if I ask them on a date.

Hell, making out with them without trying to sleep with them is just "fun" for most women. It means nothing.

 

It's like my only choice is to bang them then figure it out later & i don't care to do that in the work environment.

 

 

 

Now, while I will not hook up with women from work, other women I meet is a different story.

I've learned recently that actually trying to date someone is total fail.

Most of the women I meet want it ASAP it seems.

 

So, If I meet someone & she wants to come home with me and I see myself wanting to get to know her better, I take her home & I bang her.

I bang her good otherwise I won't hear from her again.

 

Totally different from my fat days of dating when I had to jump through hoops just to get a woman to kiss me.

 

 

 

If a woman is attracted to you physically, she will not care if you have a lot of money.

If you bang her good she will not care if you hang out at home and only go out once in a while.

 

It's the guys who rely on status, money, ect. to attract a woman that can't get away with that.

They have to be constantly taking the woman out & showing them a good time.

They are essentially props & are happy to do it.

 

 

 

and This

 

 

 

I would add to this the experience of any black man who has been with his share of white women. Many a young white woman wants to experience a variety of men, have taboo sex with those men, but will NEVER "date" those men. I am by no means the only one this happens to.

 

 

Plenty of women will hook up with men of a different race but very few have the chutzpah to openly admit that they are into interracial relations. It's easier to admit to being LGBT in some respects.

 

 

(I also have the experience of knowing men do the same thing. They will do things with other men and transgender women but not date them or even acknowledge that they do those things. In fact the most likely man who will be what the CDC calls MSM is a married very very straight acting man.)

 

 

The bottom line is as Phiehas has it though.

 

 

Women will have sex with men they are attracted to, hook up with them NSA. Women are attracted sexually to what they are attracted to sexually. However I would add that women (and to an extent men) are attracted sexually to a wider variety of people than they would ever be in a relationship with. In deciding who to be in a RLship with that's where the money, status, etc come in.

 

 

As young men and women grow up they realize that there is a value to getting to know one person and settling for someone who has most of what they want. No one can be everything to anyone else...but someone can come close enough. That is when they stop hooking up, and start settling down.

[candie13]

Sex is just like food. Some people will eat at some place, because it's easy and cheap. Others are fussy about it. For others it's not even about eating, it's about being seen eating in a fancy place.

 

 

What I am saying is yes, having sex early when meeting a new person may have become the social norm, but nobody forces anybody else do listen to it. It's a personal choice to give in early.

 

Some women are desperate to meet and keep a desirable guy - or whom they think it is a desirable guy. Others have sex for fun. Others are hoping to fish for a boyfriend / relationship.

 

For some men and women, sex is a purpose in itself - getting laid - while for others it's nothing but a means to know someone better or just buy some more time with another person. To fight loneliness. Vulnerability. Appear cool.

 

Personally, I like to know the person I am having sex with. A few dates just won't do it, because I need to connect on more than just physical level with my partner. At some moment, if I like what I see, if I enjoy the time and the company, yeah, naked time may be in order. There are no guarantees if the guy will stay or even if he would like me more. My last relationship taught me to take care of only one person: myself. Am I attracted to him? Did I have a blasting good time - and did he make efforts in that direction? Do I actually like him, not just physically, but as a person? Fine, then I'm gonna jump in. This way, even if the guy bails out, I know I didn't waste my time, because I've had great time with someone I got to know and enjoy.

[phineas]

I am amazed at the number of womon on the OLD site I am on, who have a profile that screams "LTR", yet when you start chatting with them the conversation drifts into sex.

 

Last night, I finally decided to message a few woman. I chatted with a few, one turned into texting, and within minutes she starts sending me pics and videos of her. All tasteful, but really, that much, that soon, and ots of hints at sex. Even sent me a bikin photo and photos of her working out in her skin showing work out clothes. I was shocked as her profile was well written, seemed to be a great match. She even asked when we could meet, listing out her schedule for the next week.

 

Another messaged me 2-3 times then asked if we could meet for drinks this week and "see what happens the rest of the night" . I looked at some of the answers to her questions, and yeah, same thing, a profile that screams LTR, yet answers to questions that say "I want sex".

 

RedRobin, no, I am not bragging either, simply sharing an observation from personal experience.

 

So yeah, it's an interesting world out there, and it's not just men doing this.

 

I've experienced the same and had been trying to avoid these women but honestly, when it seems like most of them both online & off are like this.....

[StanMusial]

Hookup culture only really applies to the vast majority of women and a relatively small percentage of males. I think Most people would be surprised at the number of men who have never had a FWB

 

I just posted this on another thread:

 

I know several guys that were virgins until they met their now-wives. They were all late twenties/ early thirties when they popped it. I know another guy who's pushing 50 who will tell you outright he's a virgin. Granted he is weird but he's still functional in society and there is the occasional woman interested in him. 95% of what you read online is just the space age equivalent of "locker room talk" which is not exactly reliable information. There is really a small percentage of guys that are legimate players, who are either able or willing to get laid easily.

 

There really aren't that many guys good-looking enough and/or motivated enough to get laid regularly with the girl of their choice.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Actually, the vast majority of Americans either are married, have been married, or want to get married at some point (95%). Only 5% of Americans do not intend to ever get married. Of those who do get married, the majority (55%) will stay married to the same person for life. Most of those who do get a divorce will remarry at some point.

 

Just because people are married doesn't mean that they aren't part of the hookup culture.

 

A large amount of people cheat and the divorce rate is 50%. A good portion of divorces that I've seen are due to the fact that one person got bored. So they search for something that excites them. This is part of the hookup culture as well.

[carhill]

Yeah, from my experiences with MW's, and a few dating experiences, there indeed seems to be a dating-hookup culture these days. Either that or I'm woefully slow in the sex department. Oh, well, next.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

If a woman is attracted to you physically, she will not care if you have a lot of money.

If you bang her good she will not care if you hang out at home and only go out once in a while.

 

It's the guys who rely on status money, ect. to attract a woman that can't get away with that.

They have to be constantly taking the woman out & showing them a good time.

They are essentially props & are happy to do it.

 

Unfortunately, if you don't go out much it's hard to meet the former type of women & honestly the latter type are what you will find the most if you go to clubs or bars so it does make it hard.

 

I agree with the money part, but not the status. Social status could be a BIG reason for a girl to sleep with you for free. I've actually come up with ways to create artificial social status in bars/club and it increased my lay count significantly.

 

Of course, the need to do this, while fun, is part of the hookup culture.

[c57dood]

You guys should read more books. This was all expounded in the Brave New World. Now we are living it. In a way it is exciting, because now instead of seeking completeness in a romantic relationship or marriage, there is something else out there to complete us, the existence of which is still largely unknown and unexplored.

[Mrlonelyone]

This seems to be the case. .......

 

 

 

This is so true. College women no longer look to get all nailed down and married up by the end of college. The new "If your not married by now age is 30". Many people don't get serious about dating until 30. Even then hook up culture still works.

 

 

The difference is that there is still a double standard favoring men when it comes to promiscuity. Plenty of women have placeholder "boyfriends" in college. They are together but not exclusive. That is the real world today.

[mesmerized]

Pretty much... real dating is very rare.

[KathyM]

Just because people are married doesn't mean that they aren't part of the hookup culture.

 

A large amount of people cheat and the divorce rate is 50%. A good portion of divorces that I've seen are due to the fact that one person got bored. So they search for something that excites them. This is part of the hookup culture as well.

I'd have to agree that there is some element among cheaters that are into the hookup culture. This would be the serial cheater type. The ones that go onto Ashley Madison, Craigslist, and that type of thing, who are looking for a quick hook up.

[SJC2008]

Just because people are married doesn't mean that they aren't part of the hookup culture.

 

A large amount of people cheat and the divorce rate is 50%. A good portion of divorces that I've seen are due to the fact that one person got bored. So they search for something that excites them. This is part of the hookup culture as well.

 

You're painting the hookup culture with a very broad brush and making it sound like any sex outside an R or marrige is part of the HC. Was was it called before HC? Cheating? Casual sex? I could be wrong but I thought that HC was younger people (typically college students) who have casual sex and don't want a relationship for whatever reason. Now yes the term could include older people who just want casul sex and not an R...

 

I know there are plenty of hookups happening but like I said before. Most people are in R's or married, they're not out there trying to put more notches on their headboards.

[carhill]

Was was it called before HC?

 

When I was young, casual sex was called 'free love' by most of my social demographic and, appropriately, when the van was rockin', don't come knockin'. I recall some humor-minded friends rocking my RV at the race track fairly regularly to give me a feel for what it was like since I wasn't particularly focused on dating or sex back then, rather racing. Missed out on cruising the pits for casual hookups, er 'free love'. Early 20's was fun times for everyone.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

You're painting the hookup culture with a very broad brush and making it sound like any sex outside an R or marrige is part of the HC. Was was it called before HC? Cheating? Casual sex? I could be wrong but I thought that HC was younger people (typically college students) who have casual sex and don't want a relationship for whatever reason. Now yes the term could include older people who just want casul sex and not an R...

 

I know there are plenty of hookups happening but like I said before. Most people are in R's or married, they're not out there trying to put more notches on their headboards.

 

Cheating occurs WAY more now than it used to (of course, I wasn't alive a long time ago....I get this information from my parents and grandparents). None of them are really the emotional types, not the type to say bad things about other generations that they don't believe to be true.

 

The bottom line is that the hookup culture is based on immaturity, hedonism, laziness, selfishness, and entitlement.

 

Older people may actually be to blame. They act like children now (see: cougars) and don't teach the younger generation how to act.

 

You don't think cheating in relationships is "hooking up"? If not, then what is it?

[SJC2008]

You don't think cheating in relationships is "hooking up"? If not, then what is it?

 

Yes it is "hooking up" and we seem to be on different pages of the definition of HC so let's just agree to disagree.

[KathyM]

 

Older people may actually be to blame. They act like children now (see: cougars) and don't teach the younger generation how to act.

 

Well, I've done my part to teach values and self control to my kids (now in their 20s). They are more interested in relationships and have no interest in random hookups with strangers.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Yes it is "hooking up" and we seem to be on different pages of the definition of HC so let's just agree to disagree.

 

So basically what you're saying is that hookups are not part of the hookup culture.

 

Yes, we will agree to disagree.